Tuesday June 3, 2008

Hey Beauties,

I felt the need to start this online journal today. It could possibly be because today I didn't get to visit my therapist so I'm feeling the need to express pent up feelings. Or it could just be because it looked like fun. I don't exactly know.

So anyways. Today was the third to last day of school. The last two days are finals- which are stressful, but I don't exactly count them as school days for some reason. I'm kind of worried about my finals, not neccessarily tomorrow's finals, but Thursday's. I'm really hoping I don't fail because that woudn't look too good on my school record.

Friendships kind of suck right now and I feel like I really only have one true friend- my best friend. She's just amazing and I'm so glad that I have her. I'm letting someone really special to me back into my life, but I'm afraid it's going to come back to screw me over in the end. I'm absolutely terrified my depression is going to get worse and I've made this known to my best friend. She asked me whether or not I wanted him out of my life again, and I can't do it. No, he's not an ex-boyfriend. He was- or is I can't really tell, my other best friend. All three of us got along so well and we always hung out. But then things changed and I'm oversensitive to everything said to me, so I have no idea what to do in this situation. It's so confusing that it's way too hard to explain to an outsider.

I just can't wait until Friday- until Summer. All my worries about school will be gone along with the stress involving my friends.

My sister- the source of all evil things and destroyer of what little belief I have in myself- is a senior this year. I'm almost counting down the days until she is gone. She is the one person I'm positive I want out of my life- I need to get her out of my life so I can learn to be, basically the person I am without any worries that she is going to kill my confidence level.

Okay, I think this rant is deep and emotional enough. And I need to go finish studying for finals! Wish me luck?

Vicksanti.