Well.....what can I say? My life is rapidly going downhill and all I can do is watch it from a distance. I dunno what to do anymore and I can barely think straight anymore. And I thought I would be able to make it through the last week and a half of school without anymore drama. Yeah right!
My dad lost his job about a month ago, and we've barely been managing our lives with the little money my mom makes at her job. My dad has pretty much been sleeping all day while my mom works her ass off to support us, and I'm at school all day, at least for the next 2 days.
He refuses to get a job, saying that he won't ever get one with as high a pay as the one he lost, and that we are going to move to Indiana.
Now don't get me wrong, I love my family up there, and I love the place, but I don't want to live there. Its too cold for my likings. I've never been a cold weather person, and I don't think its ever going to change. Rain, I love, but I can't take the snow and all the ice sometimes. Even here in Oklahoma, where the weather is always changing, it gets really cold sometimes. At least its still warm most of the time!
My whole life, I've grown up in the same little town that like nobody knows about, and I love it here. I love Cain's Ballroom, Big Splash, One-Eighty(my youth church), my school(amazingly) and all the friends I have here. I don't want to leave all of it behind and have to start over.
For those of you who don't know, I'm a really shy person in real life. I have a hard time opening up to new people, let alone talking to them. I may seem like somebody who opens up easily, but maybe its because I don't have to be face to face to talk with someone online.
My mom, she tried to find a way out of it, but honestly couldn't. It was either we all move up there, or my dad was leaving us. Honestly, I sometimes wish he would just leave, but at others, I know I would miss him if he did.
The town we're moving to is real small. Its one like Forks, where everybody has grown up with one another. That right there is going to make me an outcast. I'm already an outcast at school now because of the way I am. That doesn't bug me though. What bugs me is that pretty much every single person up there is a prep. I don't usually use labels all that much, but its true.
I mean, okay, the towns less than an hour outside of chicago, which means mall, shopping, lots of traffic, big city and all that jazz. But what if I don't wanna be a small town girl? I like being the girl from a big city. I love it here! There are so many places that hold so many memories for me, and I'm gonna miss it all so much.
And not to mention, my friends. What am I going to do without them? Some of them I'll be able to talk to on the phone and over IM, but I know that things are going to become a lot different and that eventually, we'll just quit calling each other all together. And it saddens me even more. Others, I'm okay with leaving behind since I don't have very strong bonds with them.
I hate my dad so much right now. He isn't even stopping to think about what hes doing to me and my mom. And its not like he hasn't left before. The first year or so after my mom had me, she raised me on her own because my dad was a chicken shit and left her. Whatever though, I got over it a looong time ago....for the most part.
I think....that I just need time to get used to it and get over the fact that its happening regardless of what I do or say. As for my stories and stuff, I'm working on them. I'm pretty sure that I have the next chapter of T&S finished. I'm not even halfway done with the next chapter of Unbound, but I'm writing it.
And just in case it does happen, I want you all to know. If I'm not on for a while, it probably means the electric got turned off. Because of my dad. Whatever, I'll find a way on here. I know I will. I always do, no matter what. Thats how much I love this place and you guys.
And to all the friends in real life that are on here, I'm going to miss you guys, I really will. You honestly have no clue how hard it was for me to type this up. I'm going to miss you guys sooooo muuch!!!!!! I'm just glad I get to stay here a little while longer. I plan to spend as much time as I possibly can with all of you before I have to go.
Liz, as much as we dream and hope to see each other, I don't think we're ever going to at this rate. It seems like everytime we have a good chance of it happening, something ends up happening and it doesn't happen. Who knows though, maybe we will meet one day. When we do, I'm sure we'll have fun wreaking havoc together.
To all of you that don't know me i real life, this probably won't affect you a whole lot. But I don't know. I'm just guessing here, assuming too. I don't know anything anymore. I'm not even sure about myself right now.
If anyone wants to talk to me, my AIM is A7XAddictee. Just send me a message or whatever. I'll probably be on all night, or at least most of it.
Cause baby
Everything is F'ed up straight from the heart
Tell me what do you do, when it all falls apart
Gotta pick myself up where do I start
Cuz I can't turn to you when it all falls apart
No
Can it be easier?
Can I just change my life?
Cause it just seems to go bad everytime
Will I be mending?
another one ending once again
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