I'm starting to think I'm not really built for this boy drama. It's too much energy consuming. All these tiny little voice in your head, and some of them are fucking evil.
And is it worth it? I mean does these few days of floating on clouds, smiling like an idiot and feeling on top of the world worth all the little doubts pecking in your head? Are they really?
And I always do it. I swear to myself I'll keep myself in control. Won't let my tiny mind run with scissors in my emotional fields. Just be rational, logical, and other cal words I don't even know but noooooooooooooooo. One fucking kiss and I plan the wedding. I'm pathetic!
So yeah I met a dude, shared a kiss and now I'm spazzing out cause he didn't call. He didn't even promise to call, he just said he'd be out of town for the entire weekend but I ignored that little detail and convinced myself he'll call me anyway cause I don't even know why. I'm stupid.
I think I'm more in love with that concept of love then with the guy himself, I just can't help myself.
And I miss him.
I fucking miss him!
I know him for maybe a week and I miss him. And I hate how miserable it makes me feel.
I thought I'd play hard to get, avoid him when he calls to make a date but I don't think I'll be able to bring myself to actually do it.
Fucking dick how dare he not call even if he didn't promise too. I hate him!
(I'm not bipolar...Yet)
Anyway I'm just frustrated with myself, maybe later I'll be able to put my thoughts into more organized journal but for now my mind looks like this: nfkjdsocke neciedelrkokooooooooooomcmm,xoiodiwoei!
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