Just As Long As You Stand By Me

I'm crying. I'm crying as I'm typing this and I honestly can't tell you why. I've been like that lately; crying for no reason. It could be anything. It could be the fact that I'm a new graduate. It could be the fact that I'm deathly sick and haven't been showing any progress. It could be the fact that I nearly destroyed my year and ten month relationship with my boyfriend. Or... it could be all of those reasons. It may be the fact that I have all this pent up frustration that i never express finally gettung to me and eating away at me.

So I graduated on Thursday. Didn't feel a bit remorse. I was happy. Everyone around me was crying and losing their minds, but I was okay with the fact that it was over. I didn't understand it. I still don't understand it. Why did I not feel sad? Half of these people who I have become so close to, who have been my sister for four years; I may never see them again. And I wasn't side. I don't know what that says about me as a person.

Since thursday afternoon I have been sick. Big surprise right? It seems as though every time i write a journal I'm sick or just came down from a sickness. Well anyway, I'm sick. It's some weird fever/cough/flu/headache/sinus infection/whatever. I've had it for four days and it has just gotten worse. No signs of getting better. YAY!!!

last week I made two really bad decisions in my relationship. Bad decision one: I told Dennis I was afraid our relationship was getting too serious, and that I wasn't sure if he was the one, and that I wanted to see other people. Bad idea. Bad decision two: I deliberately put my friends before him. We were supposed to hang out, and I blew him off, not once, but three times. He got so angry with me, we didn't talk for days. I was so sad. I thought I finally destroyed my relationship with him. I never meant to hurt him. He truly means the world to me.

My mother has been acting crazier than even. She doesn't want me to leave the house, unless I'm going somewhere with her. It's getting out of hand. Also, I'm sick of her taking all my money. I am not the only one who lives in this house with a job. It's absolutely ridiculous. And when I don;t give her the money, I get yelled at, and I can't leave the house. My friends say that it's abuse, and that I need to leave. But... I can't leave her. She may taunt me, and ridicule the way I dress, and my friends, and the movies and music I listen to, but she's my mother, and I can't leave her. I just don;t know what to do with my life.

I haven't had a good night's sleep all month. The snoring from my sister and her boyfriend is unbearable. And it's not just their snoring. They are so sloppy and repulsive and loud. UGHHHH! But you know, life throws you lemons; and when life does throw you lemons, you don't make lemonade, you tell those lemons to go to hell, then get you some candy!!!

Today was my first time watching the movie Stand By Me(it was the special DVD on TV edition on the AMC channel). Highly recommend it. Incredible movie. IT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE!!! just messing around. hehe! The ending of this movie, for some odd reason, actually made me cry.

SPOILER ALERT!!! for those of you who have never seen the movie....

Not only was the ending said, the story behind the movie is sad. Gordie is the only sucessful one of his friends, but Chris(played by River Phoenix) was a lawyer, and he wasn't a criminal like the rest of his family. And he ends up getting stabbed because he tried to stop a fight. What made it even more sad was the last scene of Chris as he's walking away from Gordie, then he vanishes. And that's when the tears began to shed. The narration by an older Gordie, along with the scene, along with knowing the actual fate of River Phoenix, along with the commentary by Rob Riener explaining how hard it is to watch the scene after River's death. All that together made the movie more sad than what it actually was. I was sobbing! And then the song "Stand By Me" began to play, I was done. I was crying like a two year old.

well that's all sandra has to say for today. ADIEU!!!