Sleeping (or Lack Thereof.)

I can not sleep. I get tired, and I go to bed, and I close my eyes. But then my nose itches, and my back hurts, and I'm squishing my arm, and I can feel my fat from my stomach, and after moving around for an hour, I'm wide awake. So I walk around my house. I play my guitar (badly.) I go on mibba. I eat. A lot. Then I work out. And sometimes I'll just lay there and stare at my ceiling, drawing invisible designs with my fingers. I should get a lava lamp.

My few friends are tired of hearing me rant about this. I'm beginning to think it's my favorite thing to complain about. I go on, and on, and on. Damn it, Emily! "Suffer in Silence"

I think I am afraid to sleep. Not because of my dreams, I love my dreams. They are very strange. No one I've talked to in real life has an imagination like my subconscious one. A few months back I would wake up in the middle of the night because I heard these creepy voices. I was convinced I was going crazy. I told my dad, and the only advice he offered me was "Don't tell your mother, I don't want her freaking out anymore."

So now, when I do get to sleep for a few hours, I wake all the time. I checked my clock a few weeks ago, and it was about every 30 minutes- hour. That's like... 3 hours of sleep. I literally gasp awake. Like I've just had water thrown all over me.

Am I crazy? I'm really starting to wonder.

Well, I didn't take my dad's advice and told my mom. I also complain to her about not getting my period so she'll leave me alone. I've been pmsing for like, 4 months. I'm convinced I'm having the anti Christ or turning into a man. She says I can't sleep because of hormonal problems and she's trying to bring me to the gyno. NO. I'm only 16. No no no no no. I do NOT want someone elbow deep in me, looking for crazy demon babies when I have yet to be touched there and actually enjoy it! Ugh, out of the question!

I've only taken sleeping pills a few times, when I really need it because I have a test the next day or something. I don't want to be one of those people who need pills to get to sleep and get addicted to them. Finals start Monday so I'm afraid I will have to. I'll just get someone to knock me out or something.

I've just wasted 5 minutes of your life. You're welcome.