numb: deprived of physical sensation or the ability to move

I can't feel much right now. Whether I'm happy or sad, good or bad, naughty or nice. I'm so confused.

I broke up-for good-with my girlfriend. It was dramatic as always. She's keeping space from me. I think she wants the space. I respect that. It's hard not having her. She said I could talk to her any time, but I don't have the guts to talk to her after all I've put her through.

My friend, Laura, hates me for hurting her. Understandable, but if she was a real friend she wouldn't choose sides. Words still ring in my head..

"Go to hell Krista..."

I'm done trusting people. I made a list of people I truly trust, and who know everything and I came up with two people. I feel terrible for not having the rest on there but I really don't trust them anymore. I doubt even my former best friend trusts me. I don't get what I deserved to be so..for lack of a better word, dissed.

I like a guy now. Which is probably one of the matters why I fell out of love with my girlfriend. I can't explain why, even though she wants me to. I feel terrible for liking him when my relationship just broke off, but at the same time I don't mind it because he makes me really happy. He'll never like me back, we're just friends, but just the thought of having a crush again I could talk about to my friends made me feel innocent again.

Only I have no one to talk to.

I can't breathe most of the time and my stomach hurts a lot. I honestly only smile if I'm talking to him or one other guy who makes me laugh so much. I can't be sad around them, which is why they're my best friends.

My best friends have changed a lot within a week, surprisingly. I'm changing I guess.

Everything just sucks a lot right now. I don't know. I just thought I'd share with Mibba world. I'm so lost.

So numb.