In the past week I've experienced every emotion from happy to sad, from calm to pissed. Each emotion got his 15 seconds of fame and I do mean 15 seconds. That is what it took me to go through all of them. I didn't experienced this severe case of mood swings since 2001 when I found out periods are here to stay.
But PMS isn't the cause this time. A boy is. A fucking guy.
It never happened to me before. I mean yeah I had crushes and flings and one minute stands and what not but no one caused me to loose my mind like this. I swear it's ridiculous.
I'm happy cause I think he'll call today, I'm sad cause he didn't call, I'm pissed cause how busy can one fucker be to not pick up the phone for like 3 seconds, just a "hello, I'm alive, I know you are too so I'm calling. bye."
I'm not a huge talker, I'll understand but just to disappear like that?!
Is he interested and he thought I wasn't cause I was kinda shy (which if I know myself probably looked like standoffish) so he's playing hard to get or is he giving me time or is he not interested and I got all the signs all wrong? Did he think I wanted more then he can give cause I wasn't the first to kiss him, he did, I just drunkenly followed his lead. I'm cool with being friends but I wanna know where I fucking stand.
Did his mom said I called or she forgot cause she didn't catch my name or cause I didn't leave a message.
Does he avoid me cause he doesn't wanna help me with the job thing? WHAT? I just wanna know!
He's driving me insane.
And in the mean time the phone is silent and I began to doubt myself cause why would he want a weird shy kid when he can have all the outgoing girls he wants. Why would he want me.
Was I too shy, too obvious.
I really thought it could be something. Maybe friends. Maybe more. But how do I let them know I don't need his soul, just his friendship after we kissed. Or maybe he doesn't even remember the kiss.
WTF did he disappear?
Why? Why? Why?
And why does it bother me this much?
Stupid phone! Ring already!
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