I think I'm in Love With My Best Gay Guy Friend O.O

I think I'm in love with my best guy friend who's gay.

I don't know how it happened. I think I'm making a mistake but at this very moment I'm writing a letter to the best guy in the whole entire planet. And it's not even the right one.

I'm with this guy and don't get me wrong, I'd never leave him, he's sweet and funny, and cute, and really really special. He's never pressured me about sex, we have already discussed we will remain virgins and such, made all our plans for the future and everything. But then about two years before He even came into the picture, I met this other guy at a bookstore in Southern Maryland. We had loads of fun talking about bands and before he left, he gave me his e-mail. I gave the two day wait and then e-mailed him. we hit it off really really good. Then he told me he lives in Cardiff England and BOOM he's gone, only able to e-mail. So lost in our cyberspace world of free and fun speech, I found out he was gay, only somewhat though, and a really cool, greatly sweet guy. We were the best of friends. e-mailed each other every day, im'ed every night. shared secrets and gossip. Sent music back and fourth, commented on mibba and developed a really good bond. He would come to Maryland a couple weeks in the summer and we'd have sleepovers, played around and had a LOT of fun those two summers. We made a lot of great memories.

Well a year and a half later, he had to move to Wales, and had to leave behind his computer. We only talk once a month on his dad's laptop and it's tearing me apart. No I don't let it dwell in me but I really miss him. So tonight I was going through all of our past conversations, silly pics, and really fond memories. I can't help but feel at a loss. Every so often when I go places, I wish he was there. When I find something cool at hot topic, I think "Maybe Thee would love this" and don't get me started on his poetry that was wrote about me... And through all of that I go on a day to day basis normally but then some nights I just can't help but think about him, and it hurts, and I cry. And it hit me....

I love him.

all those times he was here at my house. all the stuff we went through. and now in my mind I remember how great it was to be with him...and how much...how much I love him...why? why do I have to feel this way?! I need some help here. I don't know what to do.