The Views Of A Nerd/Emo/Social Dropout/Lover/Hater/ORIGINAL GIRL

1. (People talking about Hannah Bond throwing her life away to emo culture)

Any "emo" who is depressed because they're changed clothes and music has no idea about it. I'll admit, I am partly emo and not quite sure if I'm depressed, but it sure isn't the music or the image. I laugh at people who mock me; I listen to music to escape what other people do. It may sound like it romanticises death and suicide, but in my reality, it tells me not to give up. It makes me HAPPY. And there are thousands more like me.

We change our clothes to show we have a brain, a conscious mind, thoughts. Well, at least I do. We listen to the music because someone who could think about more than topping a chart (or even making the charts) and sex. They took the trouble to think and reach out to someone, and we responded. And there's a link there, despite how stupid it sounds. Someone who only skims the top of "emo" will hate us; someone who looks again might change how they look and think, but not for the better.

I truly think I've been changed for the better. Before, I didn't have gay or bi friends (I can't say that has everything to do with emo, but sure: we're more open and accepting because no-one else seems to be. Now, I try not to be biased, think about consequences, see others's views. I keep rude opinions in my head and don't blurt them out, whether they be fashion or whatever else. I stand up for myself and try to for others. And next time I'm called an emo, I'll be saying "Got that right. What the HELL'S wrong with THAT?"

Not once have I been suicidal. Not once have I cut myself, not even on a bad day with MCR or any other music playing. The things that make me feel like shit? People who DON'T THINK, listen to popular music and forget a favourite song as soon as it leaves the scene, and mock us. But each to their own.

Just leave us alone.

2. (The Typical Emo Image)

Let's take a look, shall we?

Hmm. Well, black is major. Major, major, major. Black everything! I happen to like the colour black. I don't think I look good in lots of colour. Besides, black is slimming (and to be honest, at the moment I'm not getting a lot of exercise and that is a good thing). Besides, black looks rad. What exactly is rad about pink? PINK, for God's sake! Every time I see it I think My Little Pony.

Black hair, too. Or blonde, with black. Pink, purple, red, green, blue. Almost every colour under the sun. They look pretty sweet, compared to "cheerleader" blonde, mousy brown, red, or other dull colours. I LIKE to see people looking at my hair. It makes me feel special...

Converse are pretty big. Maybe Vans. What do I know, I only wear Converse. And you know why? They're the only comfortable, long-lasting, sweetly-decorated, esily-decoratable, shoes that fit that I can find. High heels? Shit, can't even stand in them, let alone walk. I'm willing to pay $80 or so for a good pair of shoes that last years. Besides, gym boots look awesome. When you think of what they started as, gym boots, they don't seem so emo anymore. How did they get emo anyway? Was it the black? Because I may have a pair of black ones (albeit, with Chuck Taylor and All Star printed all over in white), but I also have red starburst-style ones. Rather spiffing, I think them.

Pins and badges. Why not? I like to express my thoughts. It saves me yelling them out to the world like some people do, and that's not always good. You don't have to pay attention to a sticker, or pin, or badge. Why do people? They pay less attention to what other people say. Talking about gays (being homophobes), looks (I am SOOOOO fat, my eyebrows are growing back! *having plucked them a week before*), guys, any range of topics, stupid jokes, and those horrible high pitched laughs that go on and on and on....why not put it in badge form? At least then people can hear themselves think, do work, not be irritated if they have a headache, etc. I suppose, we can have badges because who's going to make badges about hot guys? Obviously not the sort of person I was LOOSELY (remember loosely, I'm not trying to be too horrible here) describing. They wouldn't have the patience.

IPods. Love 'em! Blocks out those "people" I described (once again, loosely). And I love music. Can't get enough of it. A piece of music, no matter what style it is, if you know it well enough, is relaxing. It's better than thinking, because you know what's coming. The lead up to a guuitar riff or drum solo (look, I sound cliche, alright?)...it's like being on a rollercoaster. You see it coming, know the exact beats leading to it, but breaking over the top...it's undescribable. Bliss. I can feel it in my chest, as lame as it sounds. And concerts amplify that thousands of times over. Everyone, every single individual being, riding those same twists and turns and falls and amazing lifts...it's a wonder we don't go insane from the enormity of it all. Mabe I already have (it's highly likely). And an iPod is like a portable version of a concert, almost. You can hear live recorded shit on there, and if you were there, the feeling blows your mind all over again. Even if it isn't, it's so easy to create things in a mind to that music. You can hear so much. Everything has a bit of meaning. Or maybe is was written to have an open meaning, one you don't have to dig down to find (why I hate English sometimes, overanalysing isn't always needed and it ruins something good by breaking it right up). That's why I also hated "people", those who listen to the charts, learn the chorus of a song, don't quite listen, don't get meaning (there's so much fucking sex in songs today, and songs seem to follow the same creative process), and forget them as soon as they leave the charts. GOD. I'm really getting into this rant now, although I'm cutting back on the swearing a bit.

SKINNY JEANS. Oh god, what's wrong??? Everyone's wearing them! The only thing is, ours are black. OK, maybe we LIKE black! Maybe we think it's slimming! Maybe we think it's different to a crap salmon colour you might find in Supre, or any other colour they're made in! Maybe they stay cleaner! Or look cleaner! They show off our legs without actually showing off our legs! Blue jeans are getting old! Different style, different colour, different age! And that's what I've got so far.

Hoodies. Warm, comfy, cool looking, good for rain or cold weather. Not like a crappy little cardigan thing that covers your boobs (and sometimes, not even those). Pockets to hold money and other stuff. Who WOULDN'T want one? Maybe it's cos they fuck up your hair a little, which I have absolutely no problem with.

Band shirts. Great for advertising, good memories attached if it's band merch you got at your favourite concert, or even in a market when you'd been searching. We wear them because we're proud. Are you proud enough to wear your mind on a shirt and be mocked for it? Cos we can deal with it.

3. (General "emo-music-suicidey-thing" going on 'round now - copied from MSN rant)

13 year old British girl [Hannah Bond], commited suicide.

Blaming fucking MCR for it.

I may not know everything, but from my view: She was a dramatic 13 year old. New to the music. People that young and who only scrape the surface take everything literally, or even suggestions. Or make up an idea and think it was the music or something. Whatever. Her parents wouldn't let her go see her boyfriend, and she hated them for it. She told them "I want to kill myself" (little drama queen). [Sorry, I'm a little harsh. I know she had friends, family, everything, but I find young teens dramatic. I sure as hell was. And this was just a little OTT. And I'm irritated and ranty right now, so don't cross me, please]

She went to bed early. Next day, her parents found her hanged in her room. You'd think, after her changing so quickly, spending time in her room with this music and saying this shit, they'd pay more attention?

So it wasn't her fault she died. Not the parents. Music, MCR, people she didn't know and only listened to for a short time.

Something she (I think) imagined, because I've never been suicidal, or wanted to cut. It's fucking stupid, right? That's what keeps me going through a lot, "It's fucking stupid".

And another kid, not long ago, bullied so much over Internet and real life he hanged himself. He dressed alternatively, his mother said. I'm thinking it wasn't a short term thing. And they found his Bebo after he died, and saw the abuse he copped. Yet, it's still "the music's influence".

[She cut because it was a trend, it seems. How I see it, she changed from being normalish - maybe she followed normal fashion and language, etc - and switched to something else but stayed the same. Following a "trend". It's no fucking trend, people! MCR say something like "We wanted to say 'It's alright to feel messed up, because there are five dudes just as messed up as you are'" in their DVD, Life On The Murder Scene. They don't want people cutting, thinking they have to fit in with the crowd, because you never have to try to fit in. It's a choice, and I choose not to]

4. (My thoughts on my rants, the English language and such. Just want to copy it in. Also from same MSN convo)

OK, I think that it's right now. Sorry 'bout that. But sometimes I just have to spill my thoughts out. Well, not so much spill as break down the fucking dam wall with millions of tonnes of pressure behind it and not enough space to get it all out (too many thoughts, not enough English to get it out. Not enough time to type it or say it, but I try).

5. (Headfirst For Halos - My Chemical Romance)

Okay, here are some lyrics for you all to swallow. However, not all is what it seems, godDAMMIT!

Yeah!

Well let's go back to the middle of the day that starts it all
I can't begin to let you know just what I'm feeling
And now the red ones make me fly
And the blue ones help me fall
And I think I'll blow my brains against the ceiling
And as the fragments of my skull begin to fall
Fall on your tongue like pixie dust just think happy thoughts

[Chorus]
And we'll fly home
We'll fly home
You and I
We'll fly home

Come on!

Well now I'm back in the middle of the day that starts it all.
I can't begin to let you know just what I'm feeling.
And now these red ones make me fly,
And the blue ones help me fall.
And I think I'll blow my brains against the ceiling.

[Chorus]
And we'll fly home,
You and I,
We'll fly home.

Now honestly that's what I said to her, what I said to her

Think happy thoughts [x8]
Think ha... wooo!

Yeah, this song? Looks emo, right? It's about NOT COMMITING SUICIDE. I have heard it was first written as a joke. I've heard in concerts, it's been said it's about not commiting suicide. It relates to Peter Pan. It's got the happiest beat you could want! I think this music will blow my brains against the ceiling, in absolute happiness!! It's beautiful. Haven't you ever felt like you could just splatter from emotion inside? I have. Anyone ever though that could be it? Maybe it is.