Nothing that bad happened to day. Well, it was nothing compared to the others I've had. But, yeah, today wasn't at a good day for me. :cute:
I've been all smiley and seemingly in a good mood at school, and you wouldn't really expect that I was, uhm, getting a hard time, I guess. The smiles and laughter are my shield from that place, and they are getting weak every passing day. I have never cried in school -- no, wait, I have. The last day of school last year because of a person who was supposed to be my friend, a person who was supposed to mean so much to me. But I... think that was the last time I cried in school. I guess I just want to appear strong in this one aspect, because I am already being viewed as a weak character in class.
I'm rambling again, I always do. But, hell, ain't that the purpose of journals? To tell the truth, I've quite missed the journals; I haven't posted anything for months. I miss this place.
Anyway, yeah, I'm tired. Not of school, I believe -- school is jut a minor thing for now. Is there any major thing I should be worried about? Hm, nothing too much for me to handle, I think. It seems that way now. I can say I'm tired of my life, but that wouldn't be entirely true. I kind of like life, I think, but somehow am very, very disappointed with mine. I always disappoint myself. Always. I always compare myself to others, and always point out aspects of myself which needs improvement. I'm very disappointed with my life. I know I could have been so much more, experience much more but... *sigh* Regrets: I have so many. ::sad:
I kind of miss two years ago, when I was in the 6th grade. No, it certaintly wasn't one of my shining days, but it was most certaintly one of my carefree years. I wasn't innocent, but I wasn't as -- in lack of a better word -- fucked up as I am now. Sure, I've had my share of problems here and there during that time but I had my friends then. A lot of friends. I miss them. I miss those years.
I make myself puke. I make myself sick and tired. I dislike -- not hate -- myself. I am not myself's biggest fan, which I think I should. I disappoint myself. I'm a fuck up. Expect me to log out and rush to my room, and about to break down in a few minutes [ I've been doing that often nowadays }.
Can I start over?
...I'm done with this now.
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