break downs and ramblings

I had a mental breakdown on the way to work a couple of days ago and when I got to work I almost broke down again. I HATE my job, yet I also understand that I am lucky to have a job because it is difficult to get a job right now. I think its stealing my soul.

My parents were terrified when I had my breakdown, they said they hadn't seen my like that since the days after the shooting. What they don't know is that I wish I would have never left. I miss everything too much. I get so emotional about it that I end up throwing up.

I have completely stopped writing because I'm too depressed and lack motivation right now. I tried to stop listening to certain songs because they remind me of what happened, but it's no use I can't stop listening.

So I'm pretty sure no one will understand all my rambling, but I needed to get it out. I just wish I could be numb to everything.