I Had This Unbearable Urge To Jump.

Tonight, I sat at the water's edge last night and I wondered to myself, "Is it time to drown?"
The river isn't far from my house so, sad and confused, I walked down to it and sat there, contemplating every choice that I had.

I was never taught to swim. In fact, I was never paid any attention before I moved to Connecticut.
It is a wonder I even know how to walk.

I reached down in a fruitless attempt to test the waters but my short, stubby arms could not reach. Basically, I'd be jumping into new and unfamiliar terrain.

I hesitated. "Think this over." I thought to myself and I did. "What is there to live for?"

My heart fluttered when I thought of Jacob's face. Those features were addictive- so perfected carved like a statue made by Jesus. I laughed when that thought came to my head. The belief in Jesus left me a long time ago. And, apparently, so did Jacob's love for me.

Okay, so not Jacob.

I scavenged my brain again.

My mind rested on the beautiful picture of trees and flowers but, when I looked around, I saw that it was all being torn down for houses and WallMarts.

So, not nature.

I thought of family, which I lacked immensely.

Not family.

Myself? I am ugly. I am a backstabber. I am practically Satan in paler flesh.

Not myself.

Then, finally, my thoughts trailed off to them. I have friends. I have so many friends. I thought of our laughter. I thought of our teasing.

Then, I walked home. I walked home and I typed this.