Being whiny and a teenager and confused... wouldn't say no to any advice should it be offered. :P

Well, these journals have to be 'worthwhile and can't be silly spam'... I can't honestly say my other entries weren't a load of nonsense in theory, but I liked them, so never mind.

Anyway, it is currently time for my first whiny, teenager rant in a journal.

Let's go really, horribly and painfully cliche too, I may or may not fancy one of my best mates, (who is a guy, just for the record), and I reckon he's straight, because they only times we've fucked about, he's been (to my knowledge) absolutely wankered, mind you so have I, so I could undoubtedly tell little difference. I, in honesty, have been told after the occasion that he was drunk. I have never seen proof. He has never agreed nor denied that he was just as bollocksed as myself.

Anyway, back to point. I think I fancy him. I mean, I suppose I do. There's little way of dodging around the concept of physical attraction, and I can certainly awknowledge that I wouldn't say no to seeing him naked (:P) so that matter is clear, but I guess, I'm trying to work out whether I see his personality as attractive, does that make any sense? I mean, a person can be as gorgeous as you like, but be an asshole right? But, it's not that simple with him, because he's a friend, I know he isn't an asshole (at least not generally), it's just... well, I think I've stopped making sense.

I don't really want to accept I fancy him I suppose, though I have now really - too late to be honest, because if I didn't accept it, and it's just a thing that'll go in a week, then I could very easily pretend it never happened, whereas this whole admitting it thing, means I will be aware forevermore (yes, dramatic aren't I?) that I have spent times in my life imagining him in a highly non-platonic manner, more the good-god-kiss-me-and-be-with-me sort of manner. I mean, can you ever think of a good friend the same way again after picturing them naked.... along with yourself naked, preferably alone. Never mind. Probably too much information for you lovely lot.

I do wonder sometimes, if I shouldn't just try to ignore my attraction to guys, despite it being more prominent to my attraction to girls. Let's be honest here, it's getting no-where is it? There are a lot more straight girls who would go out with me, than gay or bi guys that would. It's a bloody hopeless case. And, well, it's not like girls aren't hot either, he's just incredibly hot to an annoying degree... oh god. Accidental pun. Just kill me now.
(See!? Told you it was a teenager-oh-woe-is-me-rant. :P)

*sigh* Guys and dolls.... advice would be well received.