I'm so f*cking tired of guys! [[I hate anxiety attacks]]

okay so I think I've told a couple people about this one guy I used to like.
I would say my ex but we only went out for like a week. Oh well whatever, he's my ex-friend at least

Okay so the whole story is I liked him for 4-5 months and he said he cared about me and shit
and we did go out for a week but he broke up with me cuz " he wasnt ready for a serious relationship"
but it turned out he was cheating on me with my friend and they were fucking each other for like a month or two.
annnnd yea they were dating for a like a month and once I found out all of this my friend told me she broke up with cuz he wouldnt let her tell anyone about them.
and then they started going out again.
I got hurt, but I got over it sooner or later.....I'm really bitter about it though (btw I had an anxiety attack when this all happened, cuz I didn't admit I was hurt at first)
and I just started talking to her again, but she got hurt by him and lost her virginity to him and its just bad...

And now he's dating her best friend (my friend too)...yea I know loser right?
Anyways, I stopped talking to him that whole time it was going on but he was in this big convo on my IM and I told him I'd talk to him again but not alone and I wouldn't be nice. he says alright

But yesterday he was talking shit on my friend (his ex) and I got really pissed with him and I said something and hes like 'well Im not going to hurt her like I did to you fuckfaces. you guys were just expendables'
I dont know why I got so mad but I started crying and having an anxiety attack and I left (I didnt tell anyone in that convo I was having one though) and they added me back in and he said "I win bitch cuz you left"

Yea so I started crying and kept on having my attack....but I got calmed down my friends after a while.....

But today for some reason I had another anxiety attack and it was worse than yesterday's....
I didn't want to tell my friends about right now when I was talking to them but I finally broke down and started crying and freaking out and told them everything. I feel better now but....

I just decided, I don't care if my other friends are in conversations, I dont want to have anything to do with him. I'm not going to put my health at risk to talk to people I don't even talk to that much.

I dont even think I'm going to talk to my friend thats dating him right now. She's been acting different lately anyway....
I hate to do it, but I think Im gonna have to

And about liking guys again....I think I'm just gonna put off guys for a while.
When I liked this guy for the whole 5 months...I was such a bitch to my friends, and I was miserable.
every time I have a crush I always worry about what I'm going to say or do and I'm just not happy.
haha doesn't mean I still don't flirt, but I mean really liking guys and being in a relationship.
I'm not sure if I could deal with this again...at least right now
I'm totally over the situation with that one guy, but yea...doesn't mean I want to go through again so quickly

But what I'm just wondering....why guys know they're considered assholes sometimes and they really don't do anything to defend themselves.
It's just weird....

Well thats all I needed to say. I need to go pack and clean (cali tomorrow!...ugh)
bye bye *hugs for everyone*
<3
July 12th, 2008 at 01:07am