The Rant of the Day: How much I Hate Others

I'm in the business of misery, let's take it from the top
She's got a body like an hourglass that's ticking like a clock
It's a matter of time before we all run out...
When I thought he was mine, she caught him by the mouth

I waited eight long months
She finally set him free
I told him I couldn't lie, he was the only one for me
Two weeks and we had caught on fire
She's got it out for me, but I wear the biggest smile

Whoa... Well I never meant to brag
But I got him where I want him now
Whoa... it was never my intention to brag
To steal it all away from you now
But God does it feel so good
'Cause I got him where I want him now
And if you could then you know you would
'Cause God it just feels so...
It just feels so good

I'm really pissed. Really pissed. Why? Because I hate people. That's why. People are majorly stupid, and most in my real life should go die. This includes some friends at points, and lots of kids at school and stuff. People who cause drama. People who don't reply on AIM, but don't have an away message. Yeah. You know what I'm talking about.

The reason for this rant? I'm very mad at someone right now. Very mad.

I've been out of contact with her for about two months. We haven't had a good long conversation since April. She hasn't appeared online until recently. I thought she was hurt. I thought she was dead. Because she's not the type of person to just fall off the face of the earth for two months. It just doesn't happen.

Because of her not returning my calls, not being on Aim, not being on Mibba, and not even sending me an email, I became really depressed. She hadn't talked to lots of her friends during then. Not just her New York ones, but her Ohio ones too. Close friends, whom she'd always said she'd never leave.

Now, she's appeared again, and seems to be ignoring everyone. She's put up new pics on her Myspace (a friend of ours told me), and been coming online. When I talk to her, I get no reply. Not just on Aim or her cell texts, but from her home phone as well. It kills me, and now' it's gotten to that point where i've gotten pushy and arrogant, which gets me feeling guilty, and later, depressed again. Then, I get angry at myself, and her. And the cycle continues.

It's like, if she doesn't want to talk to me, or be my friend, I can understand that. I'm a terrible person. I'm disgusting. I'm an unloyal friend. I'm as fake as fake can be when it comes to being myself at points. I'm selfish. I'm ugly. I'm embarrassing to be with. I'm retarded. People hate me and always turn the other way.

But still. Closure or something would be nice. Just so I don't get myself all works ed up over nothing anymore.

Second chances they don't ever matter, people never change
Once a whore, you're nothing more, I'm sorry that'll never change
And about forgiveness, we're both supposed to have exchanged
I'm sorry honey, but I'm passing up, now look this way

Well there's a million other girls who do it just like you
Looking as innocent as possible to get to who
They want and what they like, it's easy if you do it right
Well I refuse, I refuse, I refuse!

And then, of course, all of this camp drama is going on. Davey and Leigh are dating again, and I'm worried they'll get in deep trouble, cause camper/camper dating is generally not allowed, and they got in trouble last year. Pat and Nikki are dating, and I'm not so much worried about Pat getting fired as a CIT (he wants to), but that Nikki will get kicked out of camp. Sam is depressed. Adele is angry at Sam and is depressed again about Pat. Emily likes Hunter. Mike likes Vicki.

And I haven't talked to Frankie since April, because I don't have his number and he hasn't been on Mibba or AIM.

And then I'm going to dinner with the 'rents and my brother, and PRAYING they don't start fighting, because we're having a lot of personal issues going on. And I'm also praying that if they don't fight, my parents don't treat me like I'm invisible during the car ride, or leave me in the car to talk to my brother's stepdad and Mom.

And now, I'm as sexually confused as ever.

It's really kind of difficult, but still, I find myself getting through every day. Maybe I'm meant for all of this. And besides, a life like this is better than being physically abused, or having no life at all. Maybe I'm considered one of the lucky ones.

Wow. For a pessimist, I'm being pretty optimistic.

Love, Sakura