My gosh do I love Paramore.
Anywho.
I think I'm gonna spill out a part of my life right here.
Since I'm being kind of nostalgic at the moment.
So, let's just start from the beginning then, shall we?
Three years ago, I met this boy on the internet [How typical..].
Any of you from GeekStinkBreath.com, I was there as well, and met him in the chat room there.
His name was Kevin, but he went by Kenny.
I was 12, he was 15.
We became really good friends and I hung out there more often.
I had a lot of friends there, and that was the first time I ever spoke with people that didn't live in the same town as me.
But, a lot of them had relationships throughout the chat room, and things like that.
But, anywho, he was going out with this girl named Aly [I mispelled her name as Ally for fun as she called me by my real name, Julie]..
They seemed to really like each other.
Then..Well. Kenny's friend whom also was in our chat room, was freaking out about Kenny.
She said that he was being suicidal and everything, and he was home alone one night.
I guess, when she was over there once, she heard a gunshot.
And supposedly he was dead..
Then, after we were done grieving over our lost friend.
He came back.
Yes, that's right folks, he had the guts to come back, and tell us he lied to us, because he needed to get away.
He couldn't even just tell us that he had to take a break for a while, because he didn't want to hurt Aly or something like that..
Everyone was so mad at him..But I found myself, that I couldn't be.
He talked to me as everyone hated him, and he told me how he was just so desperate to get away.
Soon, he stopped going to the chat, as he only had one reason to go, to talk to me, and we started to talk on Yahoo Messanger.
One night, he told me how he had sex with a girl, and she got pregnant, from the condom breaking and all that jazz.
They were supposed to have a shotgun wedding, but it didn't happen, because the girl had a miscarriage about 4 months before she was due.
So, they broke up, and he was onto another girl.
She was REALLY paranoid.
Not even joking.
She hacked onto his Yahoo Messanger, and I was on at the time [When am I never on?] and she kept on questioning me.
I was kind of all, wtf about it..
And I told him, and he dumped her.
Which was odd.
But he said that she had no right to do that to me..
So..Err..Yes.
So, around May 2007, he confesses that he likes me.
That he liked me when we first met, but I was only 12 at the time.
But, he said that he felt like crap because he had feelings for me, but I was so far away [he's in NYC and I'm in CA] and because he's three years older then me, or so.
But I proved to him that age didn't matter.
I was [am] mature enough to handle relationships.
So, I guess we were together.
Gah, those two weeks, i'm never going to forget.
I stayed up late just to talk to him over messanger [I was on mic, cause I'm lame, while he typed].
I confided in him to about things I couldn't even tell my best friend.
But, then, he was going on a trip with his photography class to Europe, and he was due to leave June 18th, 2007 all the way till August 16th.
So, during those almost two months, I got through it.
I got through it because I knew, that once he came back, we would talk again, and he would never leave me for another trip, unless it was to me.
But..He never did come back.
Not that day.
I was so devastated.
Gah, you should of seen me.
I waited..So long..For that day.
I mean, I didn't think he would talk to me THAT day, but even the week or so after, I didn't hear from him.
So, maybe around February, I get a random IM from him asking what I was up to and that if I didn't respond with like 5 seconds, he was gonna leave.
But, fucking stupid computer being slow, I didn't get it for at least 10 seconds late.
And when I responded, he was gone.
That was the only form of me ever talking to him for the past year and a month.
I cried that night.
I was angry with him, but mostly myself.
I was so upset.
So, now here I am, reliving it through my head.
Actually hoping out there he thinks about me.
I know, i'm a sad person.
I shouldn't even give a shit about him anymore, right?
But..How can I do that?
He was my friend..
He was one of my best friends..
And now I don't even know if he's even alive still.
Tell me what you think..
Should I just try and forget everything?
Or have hope, that one day, when the time is right, we'll meet, and things will go our way.
Have you ever been in love like this?
Or, whatever you call this feeling.
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