Have you ever been scared of living, rather then dying?
I know, silly me, to ask such a dumb question.
But I have.
I've been so scared of living before, that I refused to do the simplest things.
Eat, do homework, sleep, be a human.
Some times, I was just this empty shell that held no emotions, but some how got through the day.
I use to be here in my room, staring at a wall, for what seemed like forever.
I don't think I was ever thinking.
I was just scared.
Scared of being..Scared.
How could I be so scared of my very own life?
How could I refuse to do what every human on earth was put here to do?
I've been so scared to be imperfect.
Every little thing I've doubted myself, no matter what it is.
I've always thought I wasn't good enough.
Never good enough, even if I practiced whatever it was 24/7.
But, I'm glad to say, that I'm no longer scared.
I'm no longer scared of the pain that i've already been through, emotionally, and physically.
I'm no longer scared of screwing everything up.
I'm no longer doubting everything I do.
But I do doubt myself at times.
I've come to understand that I was never alone in being afraid.
I'm probably the happiest person ever lately.
I'm no longer thinking that next week, everything will be downhill, but I do have my days.
Everyone has those, right?
I'm looking forward to moving on.
Forgetting about those that I thought I loved, and the ones that were taken from me.
I'm looking forward to making a mark on this world before I leave it.
Five boys [Err, now six] helped me understand.
Through their generousity and their music.
I'll let you guess who.
Have you ever been afraid?
Please, share with me, if you don't mind.
^_^
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