Creeping Nihilism

i suspect i've spelt it wrong anyway, but you know, we are insignificant. and if you cannot find your reason there is surely nothing....

wow, thats a bit depressing isn't it. but it's the only assumption you can make while remaining sane and reasonable.

admittedly we are still forced to permanent agnosticism, but all i can percieve is nothingness as long as i don't have a purpose.

then again, do we ever learn our purpose?

i always thought that my purpose was to bring love, but is that mindless in the face of such hostility? can i really do anything when i receive nothing in return?

almost every philosophy i've read in times of late has been either romanticised or suggests that there is nothing.

do i follow the line of "we are all the same being, all is well, all energy is one anyway." or do i follow the line of "there is nothing, life is bleak and empty...."

well, this is the curse of the intellectuals of this world don't you agree? we are too often drawn into the realms of our own existence and finding some meaning to it. i envy those who just carry on without worry about it. it seems that they can be perfectly happy drinking and shagging their lives away. why can't i have that mindless empirical bliss? why am i so unhappy?

well that's strange.... so many people say they want love, that isn't what they want, they are just normal people, and normal people want sex, booze, food, all these holy items that i appear to recieve no pleasure from....

wow this is getting pretenscious, some strange mix of levay and Nietschze.... (again i know the mispellings are many.)

so then... what do i do?

and when on earth will i write something positive?