The Last Kiss

i just finished watching The Last Kiss
it was AMAZING.
i love Zack Braff.

but i cried through the entire thing.
i realize its not that sad of a movie.
and i don't know if les harmones are acting up or what...

but that movie made me realize that....
i'm afraid
actually, i'm scared out of my mind.
scared that...
no one will love me.
that i'll be alone for the rest of my life

it sounds like i'm just being retarded
and over dramatic
and self centered

but i'm really frightend.

i've only had two real boyfriends.
and they're the only people i've ever truely thought i loved.

and only 3 other people who've shown intrest in me.

i mean, lets face it.
yeah, i'm pretty-ish
but i'm rather over weight.

and guys don't look at fat girls and say
"wow, she looks like a great person, maybe i'd like her..."

no.
the look at the skinny model girls who don't eat with their blonde hair and say
"damn she's hott, i should ask her out."

guys don't look twice at the ugly or fat girls.
and if they do, its a double take, or to turn and shout some dick head thing.

no, maybe i don't want a full fledged commitment right now.
i may not be looking for my soul mate who i'll marry right now.

but it would be nice to have some one to dull the sting of loneliness
to hold me and keep me safe and warm.
to say
"i love you"

i guess i'll just have to wait