nostalgia and tears

wow. tonight, i was watching the lion king, and started to feel quite nostalgic, seeing as it was the movie that i grew up with in my younger years.
and started wishing my life had chosen a different path.
i still have nightmares about my best friends from huntsville and i always waking up half-crying. and i miss them more than words can say. i wish i was still there.
because in life, there are those people who can keep in touch so very well, and im just not one of them. and my friends there... they were the very first friends in my life, and i really loved them.... and now it really hurts to think my best friend of nine years has completely forgotten about me? and its not as though i didnt try to keep in touch.... i called her a couple times, till she started making strange excuses to leave? and she was.... simply amazing. brilliant, beautiful, and the greatest friend ever.
sometimes i wonder wether sc was worth such a loss, and wether i could have been happier there... and nearly every cell in my body is tearing up thinking bout it, and its not one of those pains you can shake, you know?
and when i was in india, one of my dads close friends was telling me about how i was when i was little. "so full of energy, so happy, so curious. you were always running around braking stuff, hanging upsidedown, and screaming your head of like you were gonna be paid for it." and he told me this one story i found quite amusing. i asked him "can i stick my fingers in this?" (fire) and he tought for a moment and then said yes. then i said, "but then i''ll get hurt!" hahahaha. such a smart kid. i really loved my little self, and i hope my future kids catch some of my disease. but now i dont feel any different from the crowd, like i felt then. like im just dull, bland, and an every-day pedestrian.
but now my life has already shanged, and there is no going back now. im going to make the best out of what i have now, which isnt that bad. my friends here are just lovely, and i've found my burning passion, percussion, so now i will stop my dumb whining. i just needed a little venting on the web, where you cant really care who reads these thing or not.