In a nutshell, I'm scared

I've been hearing so many bad reviews about the academy is...'s upcoming album. I don't want to be disappointed, I don't want to sit and watch my favorite band 'sell out'

Listening to a 30 second sampler of about a girl made me tear up, but forever young is...not really doing anything. I mean it's my second time listening to it, and I'm getting a little more feeling from it.

It's clear adults suck at reviewing/critiquing music. My friend got so pissed off about this video of a bunch of people bashing on fall out boy doing a cover of beat it. Personally I think they did it better, they took a pop song and made it rock. It annoys me when people insult music. They don't point out what they don't like about it, they just insulting it, calling it stupid and crappy. I'm not one of those people who jump at someones throat when they say they don't like a band I like, I want to hear why, I don't want to hear "Because the guys in the band are stupid" or "They're retarded"

You see I used to be like "I want to act like a kid while I still am one" But adulthood is approaching so fast, I'm forcing myself to mature. I mean I have three more years to be a kid, then I have to face life for my own without mommy or daddy. My dream won't come true, I'm not gonna be a rock star, I can't sing to save my own life, you know what, scratch that. I'm so afraid of rejection that I can't even sing in front of my own mother. I can't teach myself guitar. I'm gonna have a 9-5 job and be miserable. I want to have faith that this dream that I had is true, but I feel like I'm just hoisting myself up and in the end I'll fall.

One night before bed I did something I hadn't done in a while
I prayed. I didn't think god was real, I felt like if he was my life would be so much better, that or he hated me so to get back at him I told him he was a fake. So for like an entire month I was thinking, what am I gonna do with my life, I'm running out of time, I need to decide. Before bed I would always think, okay brain, give me dream about what I'm gonna be when I grow up, and let me remember it. I got nothing.

Then one night before bed I put my hands together and said

"So this is your chance to prove to me if your real or not, I want to know what I want to be when I grow up, not all the details just like a five second flash of what I'll do, and if I have it, and I remember in it, I'll believe that your real"

I had a dream I was interviewing a musician. It was about five seconds long, and that was it. Nothing for that whole night except the image of someone turning on a tv and I was interviewing a rock star. It didn't look like me, but I knew it was me. After that I haven't doubted once. I believe in GOD, not his son.

I'm hoping it's real, but I'm losing the kid in me. It makes me what to cry, but what will that do? Crying won't get me anywhere actions will.

I saw the dark night earlier, and it kinda made me think. In the movie Bruce Wayne's butler said

"It's always the darkest before dawn"

It made me think, and it made me realize that if it keeps getting worse and worse, eventually it will get better. Well it's to the point where I'm applying for a part time job so I can help out with money. It's been getting worse for a while, so I hope that it starts getting better soon

I have faith in the guy upstairs.

To quote the beautiful Marilyn Monroe:
Everything happens for a reason.

Although I doubt she was the first to say that, but I've always believed that.

"I believe that everything happens for a reason, I believe people change so that you learn to let go, things go wrong so you can appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so eventually you'll learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes things fall apart so greater things can fall together"

I love you Marilyn Monroe

Rest In Peace