Epiphany

Okay so, I've liked this guy named "J.r." For almost 9 months now, I was crazy about him, Very hot, Hard working. He worked at a store down the street from my old house, So i use to go see him all the time and flirt, He would always flirt back, So i thought soon enough him and i would be dating, Because it wasn't just a playful little flirt, This guy really flirted with me every time I'd go in the store. So all this time I've worked so hard to try and impress him, When i would go in the store i would obsessively fix myself up, Try to find a good way to start a conversation. I even went on a strict diet, No soda ) : not even a sip. Yet still he had yet to ask me out, But he kept giving me these major signs he was going to, Well. it's been 9 months now, he quit working at the store i use to go see him at, So we started talking on the phone, Still nothing. Well, I decided i would wait 2 weeks before i called him cause he had kinda did something that pissed me off a bit.. He called me one night, And at the time my phone wasn't in my room, So i didn't hear it, 3 hours later my mom finds the phone and says he called, So i called him back, Thinking he had just called to chat, Well, Turns out he said he was returning my text (Which i never sent.) so he's like "Whatever it's okay." And i was getting ready to ask him about how he was doing, and he goes "I gotta go because I'm trying to cash a check.. I'll talk to you later." He says in a plain tone. So i decided I'd wait 2 weeks to see if he ever called me cause for once i didn't wanna have to call him. those 2 weeks passed and i got nothing! So i called him last night and it rang 5 times and went to the answering machine, I left a message that was kinda cold and plain. so today he calls me and, It was a very boring conversation, This was his one day off and he was at home alone. So we talked about random stuff, I couldn't think of anything to say. Finally we both said bye and got off the phone. and i was left there just completely confused.. So at first i thought about calling him back and telling him how i really felt. But then i started talking to my mom (She's been really helpful with all this.) and she listened to what i said that he said, So she suggested that maybe i just not bother with him anymore. Now a month ago that thought would have hurt me, But waiting those 2 weeks without calling him or anything gave me time to think about everything, It really put things into perspective. So instantly i had an epiphany, I realized that this is just a waste of my energy, And that it's time for a fresh start, Time to move on. I started looking back on all our phone conversations and realized that we have no real chemistry, When i would get on the phone with him, I had nothing to say, And he had nothing to say, Except talking about work. I always had to come up with a topic, Which it turns out we really don't have that much in common except we both like lord of the rings and led zeppelin, lol. So now I've decided that he's not worth my time, I mean, At least the last guy i had feelings for (the guy i based my poetry The broken heart chronicles.) he didn't string me along like that, He was just always too shy to tell me how he felt, And also he was a family friend, So it made things even more complicated (not saying he's innocent, He still broke me heart but I'm not getting into that.) But he actually did have feelings for me, When he would leave my house, He would always give me a hug and say "I love you." And i believed it, And i still do. J.r. is just not the person i thought he was, Hot..Yes, I can't deny that, But great personality.. That's the part that i got wrong. But anyways, These last 2 weeks, I've gotten back into writing again (which i was so stressed out from everything with j.r. i had no energy nor inspiration to write) or draw, Or do anything i usually enjoyed. I occasionally now and then enjoy a nice small glass of mountain dew or Pepsi (which i never use to do cause i felt like i was gonna gain 20 pounds from it) i was so self conscious about myself (still am but, I'm not gonna hate myself anymore.) Basically what it comes down to is, i feel like a weight has been lifted off me and i can be myself again, Sarah has returned and this fake person who she tried to be is gone now, and for the first time in almost a year, I'm actually happy, Light, Like things are starting to get better for me. I'm currently listening to Michelle branch "Are you happy now." it's such an awesome pissed off girl song, lol. I'm not pissed though, I'm free.