New Doctor

Well... Yesterday I went to the doctor. Everything was physically fine, except my back but that is nothing new.

Then I had to take this survey thing. Parents don't have to know anything on it unless I want them to. But of course I wasn't able to ask my mom to leave the room. Once it started getting into the more personal questions my mom noticed I was getting a bit uncomfortable and said she would leave the room.

That's when it got to the mental questions.

The first one was if I had feelings of depression. That was a yes, most definitely. Considering the fact I started weeping uncontrollably when I was asked. I hadn't gone a day without crying the last week and I've been so out of it the last month.

Then it was the question if I had seriously considered suicide. Well there was only two boxes: yes or no. I checked no but I had to put kind of next to it. Because I really don't like lying to doctors.

y doctor was slightly shocked. She asked me more questions, like what was the plan and did you ever really take any action towards it. I didn't have plan exactly, though I do keep razors in my room, that is just to use for cutting up old pair of jeans and my parents know that.

So then we were talking about counseling and medication. I don't really want to go on any meds. So I am going to start seeing a doctor in the next two weeks. And if that doesn't seem to help I might get put on meds.

Now this makes me look like an attention seeker... =[

I don't really want people to think that. Or really give me attention. I put it here because I just need to tell someone. I can't tell my friends because they wouldn't understand. And I'm just going into high school. They'd tell people. It sucks but I'm going to deal with it... hopefully.