Some "Best Friends" Are The Ones Who Do The Most Damage

When someone tries to emotionally hurt you, but doesn't know who you are, it barely brushes your heart.

But when your best friends step on your feelings and tear your happiness to shreds, it's one of the things that will hurt you more than anything.

I know. Because it's happened to me. Three times.

And when people claim to be your friends but then treat you like peices of shit, then it's time to take charge and let them go.

First time: I was in third grade. My best friend was the most popular kid in our small grade, with several boys crushing on her at the same time. But she was MY friend. Me, the nerd, the weirdo, the....okay, not a freak. You get the point.

So we had fun, sharing secrets and giggling and gossiping.

I didn't realize what she was doing.

I was friends with all the girls in my grade--and I was only eight. My "friend," on the other hand, (let's call her Deziree...sorry to those called deziree) wasn't. She pulled me away, and I lost those friendships. Maybe no completely, but they were definetely weakened. Deziree was clingy and dependant, picky and selfish. But I didn't see it.

One of her specialties was making people feel bad, guilty, or whatever is close enough to that. And she always said things like this:

"That's not nice."

What?! Just because I don't have the time or pocket money of my own to buy you something from Claire's? I'm a dancer; and my parent's aren't driving me to the mall just like that!

"Ew, I don't want lice. Stay away from me."

You're totally supportive. Just because there's a case of head lice in our school and I just happened to scratch my head. Love you, too.

"I don't care."

Thanks a lot, best friend.

"But my mom said so. You're wrong. I don't care if your mom told you that. She's not always right."

Neither is yours. What makes your mother always right? Does she speak to Destiny?

"No offense, but your outfit is ugly."

Because I don't really give a shit about what I look like, Miss I-Love-Abercrombie-Because-No-One-Else-Our-Age-Shops-There. Offense taken, by the way.

"You're going to the party? But my brother said you weren't."

It's the beginning of the year. I haven't spoken to him since June.

"But my brother doesn't lie. You must be lying."

You totally believe me. Thanks. I totally have your trust.

You get the point. In fifth grade, I started hanging out with another girl. We've known each other since we were four, and we got along so well. Besides, she completely respected and understood my opinions.

"Oh my god, are you her best friend or mine?" Deziree demanded.

"Well..." I said, frowning. "I..."

I took a deep breath. "Sometimes I feel like you don't even care about me...so maybe we could still be friends...just not best friends...okay?"

"Yeah. Okay."

On a Thanksgiving party for my class, we invited the parents. My dad was there, and he was talking to Deziree's mother. That night, Dad sat me down for a talk.

"Is there something going on between you and Deziree?"

God, they found out. I never spoke to my parents about the problems I was having with this girl. I didn't want to. It was like I was being dependant.

"Uhm..." I replied shakily.

"Because Deziree's mom said that Deziree told her...that you didn't want to be her friend anymore."

WHAT?!

"Huh? No! She asked me the other day if I was her best friend or not, because I've been hanging out with Sara lately, and I said...well, I said that sometimes I don't feel like she cares. And Sara does. So I told her, maybe we could be just friends. Not best friends, but friends."

"Okay. Good. I told her mom that that's not something you would say."

"Thanks, Dad." I gave him a hug.

Bye-bye disrespectful, uncaring, clingy, stuck up Deziree.

Second time: Here, I'll use her real name, because it's common.

Laura was in eighth grade, and I was in sixth. We were in a little friend group, with Sara (we ended up being joined at the hip after Deziree was pushed away), and two other friends.

First of all, Laura had an anger management problem. She caused arguments, feuds, whatever. She stepped on us. She complained for hours on end without letting us talk about how we felt. So the two other girls in our group told her how they felt. Sara and I kept quiet. An angry e-mail was sent to them.

"Was that some kind of pay back or something? I didn't do anything to you and this is how you treat me? The only people I can talk to now are Sara and *Natsuko*. Now, they're real friends."

That's part of it. The rest was...ugh.

So one of the girls sent a reply.

"You don't even give a shit about us! Pay back? What did WE ever do to YOU? All you do is rant and swear at us and argue with us!"

That's also part of the e-mail.

Then there came the reply.

"I don't give a shit. And I don't care if i'm not in your stupid book. So go to hell and fuck yourself."

Well, that's the end of that one.

Third time: seventh grade. Let's call her Katie. (sorry to the people called katie)

She was one of my best friends in fifth grade, after Deziree. Sara's, too.

Then we hit middle school.

Remember the girl who replied to Laura's e-mail? She was one of my best friends. You know that. We were a group with another girl and Sara and Laura.

Kaite was jealous, because she hated my friends. Because they "took Sara and I away from her--they 'stole' us." That's BS. You know why?

Because we CHOSE to be their friends; they didn't choose us. During the first week or two of school, Sara and I ate alone. Where was Katie? Socializing. So we joined the group with Laura in it. There were five of us--Laura, Leah, Lauren, Sara, and me. We had great times.

But Katie? Oh, no. Every minute Sara and I spent with the other girls was fueling her hate for our new friends.

Seventh grade: Katie doesn't get me anymore. At all. I love to write--that's why I'm here. I told her that I write stories.

"Ugh, you're such a nerd."

You just don't get it, do you?

I don't wear designer clothes, so what?

I love to write. It's been that way since third grade. Didn't you understand that?

I like manga, I like anime. Why are you making such a big deal about it.

"Manga's ugly. And anime's stupid."

Thanks a lot. Have you made anyone feel happy today?

"I hate Lauren. I hate Leah. I hate Sandrine." Sandrine was the new addition to our group.

"Why do you hat Sandrine? She didn't do anything to you," I asked.

"I don't know. Because she's friends with you and Lauren."

So much for reasons.

Katie moved away after that. My friends were happy--she never treated them like anything other than dirt. No matter how much she told me that she was trying to make friends, I didn't see that anywhere. Not from what she told my BFFs, not from what I saw in her, not from what she said at all. Even to me.

Who said that friendships don't hurt?

Stupid jealousy.

She was jealous. Because I had other friends. Just like Deziree.

The worst part was that they were friends. And Katie told me that she hated Deziree because she was a bitch. Well, I'm sorry to say that you were eating lunch with her and laughing at her jokes.

Liar.

Sorry, but I don't like people who lie and think that they're my friends.

But you know what?

If you don't understand me, you don't get along with my current BFFs (who will be current for the rest of eternity because they're there for me no matter what...unlike the other girls), and you don't respect what I like, what other's like, or how others think, you're not my friend.

What can I say?

I'm defensive.

Why?

Because I'm scarred.