Stupid

URGH! I AM SICK AND TIRED OF MYSELF. Now how the hell does that make sense? Well it's simple really, whatever I'm doing which interacts with other people always seems to not be what I think it is. I'm always way over my head in stupid little things that just mean so muhc to me. I feel like an idiot and I'm trying to hard to complain but it's making me angry. I want to scream, somebody tell me the truth please? When I say the truth I wish I could say tell me what I want to hear but than that would be plain bullshit. Why is it when you've got something amazing you're careless about it and than when you learn your lesson and find something that leave you breatheless, wordless, confused, shy, and just plain hooked that it hurts you? Hurts you and yet you come back for more. Sometimes as much as you'd like to believe in it you think what if it all goes badly hmm? I know I shouldn't be complaining, I've got a pretty good life. A house, loving mom, a sister. No dad but that's never bothered me. I'm apprently smart, I'm apprently attractive, I have friends I plan parties yeah yeah yeah. But I feel stupid, I feel like people are playing me and deep in my gut I get the feeling things are going to get bad soon and it scares me. I like everything like it is thank you very much, I just want to go through this school year perfectly fine thanks. It's not going to happen but I sure as well might try. Urgh, I just don't know if I'm sure of anything anoymore, not even myself.