the crushed ego of a writer.

This may or may not be so important, maybe I'm just making a big deal out of this but hear me out. Today, I was hyper and jumping around because it's just 20 more days until Fast Times At Barrington High (TAI's new album) gets released, even after the usual disliking of the sociology teacher (schoolmates: you guys know what I'm talking about, yah? --, ) I thought nothing could possibly ruin this day. P.E. time came and usually our teacher gives us recycled paper he gets from the paper station (where people put all their scratch papers and other useless papers and shit... no, not literal shit...), cuts them up and gives them to us when we have quizes. So yeah, you can say we had a quiz and he did what he usually did with the recycled paper. Frances [a classmate of mine (special mention, bei)] saw at the back of her paper the names Joe, Pete and Patrick, and both of us being big fans of Fall Out Boy she called my name to show me what she was squealing about (we sit on different sides of the classroom). Curious, and since our teacher gave us 5 or so minutes to study for our quiz I got up from my seat to see what Frances was trying to tell me. When I saw the back of her paper, well of course I saw those three names. But what I also realized that it was my fuckin' short story that I submitted to my English teacher [as an acitvity card (requirement for those non-st. marians)]. The day just shattered like that, with one simple realization that my effort staying up late that night making that story was just simply thrown into a fuckin' paper station to be used as a means of recycled test papers. For those who don't know, writing is my thang, it's what I do, and it's one thing that I'm proud of doing. I know that that story wasn't as good as all the others that I've made because it just so happens I was low on inspiration that week but seeing it like that made me think if it really did suck so much to be thrown into a paper station. I mean, teachers are supposed to return activity cards, so we'd know what grade we were given. In the case of that short story I wanted it back because even though it wasn't "my best" it's still one of my works, one of my babies. A part of me already expected that it wouldn't be returned since it was already nearing the end of the schoolyear but to just throw it away and discovering it like that really hurt my ego as a writer. Maybe I really am just making a big deal but to all the other writers out there, it's similar to finding a story you submitted to someone and finding it in a trash can later on, how would you feel if it were happen to you? :(

It just hurts man, you have to be in my shoes to really feel the insult.
July 30th, 2008 at 03:13pm