Expectations.

I don't know if I can live up to what every one wants me to be. Everyone expects me to be happy, over him, with someone else, fucking someone else, productive, eating, above the influence, the same old me, and all this other crap. People expect me to like, fuck up, since I'm depressed or whatever. Yeah, I guess I do have a serving of depression, but add a side of anxiety. Yet people expect me to do things like be happy. Yeah, I should try to be. But being with someone for a year and then losing it for a stupid reason sucks, cause I don't know how to deal with it. Then when I decide to go and have fun one night, which turns into a disaster, my friend, I won't give names here, gets mad at me and doesn't talk to me for awhile, then scolds me. It's wrong, but I'm trying to find ways to cope. And people get mad at me for not eating, when I'm not doing it to be anorexic, but I just can't force anything down.

I'm so sick of being what everyone wants me to be. Then they give up on me cause I can't be fucking happy, when I try. And I haven't talked to him since Friday, so it's the same thing as taking coke away from a coke head. They get anxious and not happy. You can't change overnight.