the things i cant say.

i've always been the type of person to hide what i felt and just cover it up with something else, and i guess, it was just because i never wanted anyone to see that sad or pained side of me, or the way i really am. no one knows how and no one really knows, but i cant say i can blame them. im always so happy and excited on the out, that it wouldnt ever come across anyone how much im troubled at night. everyone knows me as the happy bubbly sweet little excited kid who cant shut up. but when im alone im so different. im the complete opposite. i cant explain why im this way, or how it ever came around to be like this... i guess im just scared of letting others in, afraid for the reactions.

even though ive taken this into recongnition, i still cant let anyone in. because, on the inside. im too old, mean, and bitter. and i dont want anyone to know/ see any of that.

butits not as though i have no fun, and completely hate my life... no, some of that happiness is real.