Yes this is a letter to my dad. Thing's I am too afraid to say to his face in fear of being kicked out.
Just so you know; Jason is my older brother by 2 years he is 18 and Corrine is my older sister by 9 years she is 25 and she also has a different father, me and my brother have the same.
Also Joey is my dog that died, and Cera is my cat that's still alive.
Dear Dad,
These are just thing's I've always wanted to say to you, but never... Really could. Because I know how much you over react.
So to start, I pretty muchhate don't like you, I never really have. You've always been pretty much a terrible parent. You spent most of my childhood drunk, you never played with me. Never with toys, you were too busy playing cricket or football with Jason. If I asked to join you'd always say no, or if you said yes, you would only play for like five minutes and go and get drunk.
When you did decide to sober up, you became worse than what you were before. It's like you just can't handle reality.
You've always acted like a five year old, chucking tantrums, stamping your feet, yelling and ignoring people just like a little kid.
You were terrible with that when you were an alcoholic but when you became sober you got worse, crazy, so pathetic it's just.. Sad. I hope I never turn out like you.
I remember you were my hero until I was about three, when I figured out what kind of person you are. After I realized why you hit me, just because.. Just because you were drunk? You wack away at me, hitting anywhere, hitting so hard you didn't realize.. You only hit me, not Jason.. Well sometimes Jason but maybe only once or twice a week.. With me.. Like ten or fifteen. You couldn't hit Corrine because she's not your kid, you could get in trouble. If she told her dad he'd take her away, and you know how much that would hurt mum, you couldn't do that to her... You 'love' her too much don't you?
Maybe you should love me, you know your only daughter?
Half of the time, I didn't even think you had a reason to hit me.. You just did. You left so many bruises, sometimes even cuts. I'd cry so hard, so so hard. But that didn't stop you did it? No. You would just hit harder.. And harder. You probably don't remember hitting me, maybe you were just too dunk.
You say you'd never hit a woman, you really just mean mum. I wasn't a woman.. So you could hit me as much as you wanted to. Why not Jason? Is it because he knew the best hiding places or because he's a male? Hmm.
I remember the first time I stood up to you. I told you that you were so selfish and heartless, I think I was like eight. I was playing with my Barbie Horse and Cart in the kitchen, you came up and smashed it, you threw it at the bench.. I can picture the horse smashing in my mind. I remember exactly what happened. I loved that horse doll so much, I would brush it's hair, do it up all pretty. It was a like a pet, we had two pets when I was a kid. But I was always scared to go near them, in case you kicked me like you kicked them. There was this one time, I was like six or seven, you had your drinking buddies over. You were all in the backyard and Joey got let outside, he was scratching at the door, I remember he loved you and I just don't get why he did. He came up to, obviously wanting a pat, but you kicked him.. You just kicked him.. It looked so hard.. You kicked him so hard in the ribs, you left a bruise I had no idea animals could bruise, but he did.. He yelped.. He yelped so loud you could've heard it five blocks away. He went back not giving up, still wanting a pat, but you kicked him again... I don't know why you did it again. But this time.. The yelp was louder.. Soo much louder.. And the bruise.. Even bigger. And all you and your 'buddies' could do was laugh.. Just laugh. It's probably your fault he got sick.. It's you fault he died. When we took him to the vet to put down, all you could say was 'Oh yeah.. Goodbye Joey.. Miss ya' buddy' in the most sarcastic tone. You even made Jason cry. We miss him. You don't, do you?
I know you hate animals.. But comeon.. Who would do something like that?
And Cera.. Poor girl.. Every time she would come near you.. You'd throw her.. Why? Why would you throw a cat across a room? It's your fault she has arthritis.
I know that mum hit me too, she kicked me, punched me, left bruises and even broke a bone. But that was only twice.. Really.. Other times she'd just slap me. But only if I did something terribly bad.
But with you.. You'd just hit me. Like I was your personal punching bag.. Your stress reliever.
I don't love you.
You wonder why I mumble it every time you say it.
Until next time.
Janelle.
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