Just a Crush? With a family member? WHAT!

Crush?

Recently I've been trying to tell myself no.

The guy I have a crush on is my cousin.
His great grandmother and my great grandmother are sisters.
His name Duncan*.
His age, 18.
I'm 16.

Him and I are really close, to him we're probably like brothers and sisters, you know. But lately I've been having this feeling toward him that screams 'TOUCH ME!'. Somedays all I wanna do is just rub him down. Even though that sounds really gross and perverted, that's all I wanna do. But not in a bad sexual way, but in an innocent sensual way, where if I do it... He might enjoy it. Disgusting? I thought you'd think that.

There are so many things that go through my mind when I'm around him, it's surprising that I actually keep my distance. I tell you, he just so nice and such a bastard (in a good way), some days I just wanna kiss him... or even better, he kiss me. And don't let me get started on his physique, it's just... *melts*... i.e - he has a body of a true rugby player. Big, built and edible.

He tells me everything that's on his mind and I to him... except for the fact that I wanna.... yeah *rolls eyes*. I can be open with my feelings to him and vice versa. I know so much about him, I could write his biography. He tells me about his girlfriends and the troubles he has and asks me for advice, even though half the time I don't know what to do.

But miraculously, shit works out in the end so I must be doing something right aye?

Now he's single again after a long relationship with one of my best friends, every girl that seems to ask him out or he wants to ask out, he wants me to meet. It's like my opinion matters, but I don't flatter myself with that, but of course... I'm not gunna let him go out with a SPOILED BRAT, with her nose to the air! FUCK THAT SHIT!

What do I do?
Has this ever happen to you?
If it has... comment! tell me what it's like for you?
I really want to get a connection...
Obviously I can't talk to friends,
It's like a love triangle with him, me and them,
GOSH.

xoxo.
HM

*Name(s) have been changed.