8/25/08 - Monday - Updates on Life and What's Going on with Cortnie

Life has been so crazy lately. But for once, I'm actually enjoying myself. And that's just an amazing thing for me. I have been feeling kinda down...not like, depressed, but just sad and exhausted. It was actually really weird, because I could never really recall what I was truly upset about. I still don't know. I guess it was the thought of me having to get a job, and having to grow up so fast. I'm in my Junior year of high school and it really hit me the other day, that within two years time, I'll be a legal adult. I'll have to make serious decisions, and I have to learn to take control of my life. I'm no longer the care-free kid I once was, and boy do I sometimes wish I was. But that's just part of life and the whole "cycle of growing up".

Not only have I had homework, just about every day since the beginning of school, but I've been in the middle of drama drama drama. Talk about boy problems. I thought I was having a tough time, but going back to school and seeing my friends again really brought me back to reality. It came like a slap in the face. Yeah, I had been hurt, severely, by a boy that I was really crazy about. And my "friend" did stab me in the back, go out with him, and then rub it in my face. I don't trust as easy anymore, but I realized I needed this to happen. After all the crying stopped (all night and almost all day), I felt much better. I realized that, hey, if they were both stupid enough to do that to me, then they most definitely didn't deserve my time.

I'm growing up. I have to learn to deal with the trials that life comes with. I'm realizing more and more, that I can be such a pushover sometimes. And its so frustrating. I know what I want to do, what I want to say, how I want to act, but over and over again, I let people tell me what to do. Or I let them change the way I think. It hurts, a lot, when someone does that to you. Especially if that particular someone is your friend.

Boys are stupid and a waste of time. Don't get me wrong, some are sweet and actually care what you think. They don't all want to hurt you. But most of them are retarded and not capable of thinking with their brain (get the point I'm trying to make?), they like to be perverted and crack nasty jokes. Sometimes, I think they're really insecure, and that they're afraid to show us girls how they really are. They, like us, have rejection issues. Except they don't cry like we do. When we reject them, its a blow to their ego.

Friends have become some of the most important things in life. They help me through my hard times. I've realized the friends I have now are people I really don't want to lose. I would die without them. We've all been through so much together, and I'm always trying to help one of them, to let them know that I'm here for them, no matter what.

And I've come to discover that, to my friends, I'm the listener. I'll listen to their problems and give them the best advice I can. Sometimes its about boys. And I really have a few guys that I want to beat the crap out of (not naming names). Give them a nice kick in the crotch and see how they like the pain. I hate when people hurt my friends. Especially when its a guy they're crazy about. I know what that feels like, but that's another story completely.

On a whole other subject, my first Prom is this year. I'm super excited about it! Its going to be at this aquarium that has a ballroom. And we get to go and look at the sharks and stuff while we're there, which is going to be super awesome. :D Although I won't have a date (kind of depressing, I know), I'm taking some of my friends. We've decided that our Senior year we're going to get a Limo. But not this year. =D I still don't have a dress, but I'm looking out for one!

I think this is quite enough information for now. I'll probably update again soon.

Lots of love,
Cortnie