This is copied and pasted from a blog on Myspace I wrote a long time ago. However, it still applies, and I'm sure many of you will share my feelings:
There's quite a lot of bollocks floating around the internet in the disguise of bulletins giving everyone the relationship “advice” they “need”. I'm not saying all of it’s bad, but here is one particular "bollock," if you will, that makes me wonder what people are thinking. Below you shall find my own suggestions...
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Every girl dreams that one day she will find a guy that does these things for her. even the smallest action can have the BIGGEST impact in someones life.
• give her one of your t-shirts to sleep in.
turning up to a girl's house and saying "hey, I just thought you might like to sleep in this tonight" is not the most tactful way to impress a girl, even if you are going out with her. A weird look may follow a tentative “o….k….”
• leave her cute text notes.
"I lv u. u n me 4va bbe." is not the most romantic thing to leave someone. tell you what, why not write a CARD - with a PEN – with SENTENCES. Rather than relying on some half arsed abbreviated message.
• kiss her in front of your friends.
Again, never do this. it may seem romantic at the time but it will merely leave an awkward silence while your friends aren’t quite sure where to look. Normally when in the company of friends, polite conversation is normal procedure, rather than gratuitous snogging.
• tell her she looks beautiful.
Like I say, it’s not all bollocks. but then...
• look into her eyes when you talk to her.
Rather than her chest... or at her best friend.
• let her mess with your hair.
This one is fairly acceptable provided it’s just her. If she is with a group of friends, run a mile. Amateur female hairdressers in groups are dangerous. Trust.
• touch her hair.
But not inappropriately... Impersonating Anne from Little Britain in this instance may get you arrested…
• Just walk around with her.
in circles?
• FORGIVE her for her MISTAKES.
Again a fairly sensible one. if not unnecessarily iterated...
• look at her like she's the only girl you see.
REMINDER: if another person who happens to be female starts talking to you, it is usually ok to break this rule. Ignoring people because your girlfriend is there is not very polite.
• tickle her even when she says stop.
To a certain degree... although in my experience when someone says "stop" they usually mean stop. it may be the opposite way the first few times, but when scratches and teeth come in to play, that’s normally a good enough hint.
• hold her hand when you're around your friends.
Why just around you're friends? You don’t have an image to keep up…
• When she starts swearing at you, tell her you love her.
This is mainly true because it confuses her. It's hard to argue with someone who is telling you they love you. Even so, it would not be a good idea to take this to mean "Swearing = "aha! time for an "I love you" booster...""
• let her fall asleep in your arms.
Make sure you don't need to go to the loo or get a drink first. Sleeping people are not easy to shift... especially when squishing a full bladder
• get her mad, then kiss her.
WHAT? how about don’t get her mad in the first place?
• tease her and let her tease you back.
As opposed to teasing her and then saying "Uh, can you not tease me please"
• watch her favourite movie with her.
We all know what “watch” is code for…
• kiss her forehead.
They don’t like you doing other things to their foreheads…
• give her the world.
Do not try this literally... worlds are very hard to lift, let alone wrap...
• write her letters.
On first reading of this I thought “why can’t she write her own bloody letters?” then I realised we were at cross purposes.
Actually this is a pretty good idea. It demonstrates that you can use a form of communication other than text, msn or email. She might even think you’re vaguely intelligent…
• let her wear your clothes.
This could lead to some worrying perversions...
• when she's sad, hang out with her.
Because that’s not already obvious...
• let her take all the photos she wants of you.
See "let her wear your clothes"
• kiss her in the pouring rain.
Even better, take her home out of the pouring rain so she doesn’t get a sodding cold.
• When you fall in love with her, tell her.
“Are you in love with me yet?”
“Not quite yet, give it another five minutes or so…”
• And when you tell her, love her like you've never loved someone before.
Aha…. The fun part.
Guys repost as : i'd do this for my girl.
Girls repost as : a perfect boyfriend
If you don't repost this in four minutes you will lose the one you love.
If you do repost this in four minutes the one you love will :
Call you;
Kiss you;
Love you
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And possibly even dump you if you did all these things…
For your own good, as well as everyone else’s…
Do NOT take advice from a bulletin posted on the internet (hehe… you’ll see the paradox in a minute). Its hyperbolic false romanticisms are what cause us to have so many depressed or overly amorous people roaming the world today expecting every single romantic liaison of there’s to be a fairy tale romance. It doesn’t work like that.
And please
Never EVER
Think that reposting this will mean the love of your life will phone you at 00:12 tonight professing his/her love for you. For a start, If he/she has read one of these, they’ll be expecting you to call them…
I hope you have been touched by this. If not, it may be the last time you are touched…
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