I'm just gunna...you know..give up.

I dont know why I'm always the one trying so hard and gets no rewards from it.
It's the people that sit on their ass, bitch about everything, be as hateful and as loathing as possible that get EVERYTHING.

There's this person I know that makes me feel like such shit that I cant even be around them like I used to.
We'll be okay for 2 or 3 days then afterwards, I let their shit get to me.
I havent realized just how hateful and mean this person is till recently and I honestly dont like it.
I mean it's hillarious when their mean to OTHER people, but not when it's your "friend".
If I talk to them, half the time they wont even acknowledge me or give me a "look" and smart off at me.
That hurts you know.
I get my feelings hurt really easy and for someone that I love so hard and so much to treat me like shit, really pisses me off.
Expecially if I call them!
God forbid they answer a phone when they're sleeping/dont feel good.
When I'm fucking sleeping..I walk my ass across the room to answer the phone to let the person calling know I'm tired/dont feel good.
Dont just ignore it, cause you never know what can be wrong.
That's why I've learned to not depend on this person for anything.
I love them so much..but damn they're pushing me away really quickly lately.
So I give up on trying to be a good friend.

So there's this guy, that I like.
But I'm forcing myself not to like him because he lives a city over and he's not over his ex.
We've established that we liked eachother, but I'm not gunna try to deal with someone who is stuck up their ex's ass for over 2 years.
NOT MY CUP OF TEA.
He's really funny and cute but what am I to do?
He's my type all around, but I'm most likely not his.
So I give up on that.

School is whooping my ass lately.
I'm so far behind that I have to stay an EXTRA year of highschool for half a fuckin credit.
Can you believe that?
So I want to go to Aiken.
Aiken is an optional school where you earn credits at your own pace.
Knowing my pace..I could graduate early!
But will my parents let me go?
NO.
"Oh you'll lose your motivation."
"There's some bad kids that go there."
There's bad kids everywhere shit heads, and there's more bad kids at my shool then there is at Aiken.
In order to go to Aiken you have to get expelled or drop out of regular school.
So I'm not even gunna try in school anymore.
Let my grades go down so my dad can just put me in Aiken.
So..I give up on school.

I also give up on my parents.
They used to be the strongest link in my life, but as of now it's rusting away.
I cant get a permit, license, or job because I'm "Daddy's Baby Girl"
He doesnt want to let go of his last child he says.
WTF?
You're taking care of one of your grandkids let that be your last child.
As for my mom she's working now, so she's got money.
When she gives it to me, she congradulates me on the kind of kid I am and al that mushy stuff.
The next day, she makes me feel guilty abiut taking the money from her.
"Oh there was this dress I wanted to buy, but since I gave my last bit of spending money to you, I have to go without it."
WTF mom?
I give up on them,

I wanted to be a write, a journalist for Rolling Stone.
I'm never gonna make it.
I give up on that.

I wanna lose weight like really bad to the point of I dont care if I stop eating as long as I'll be skinny.
But can I stop eating?
No.
So I give up on that.

Emo moment of the day.
Over.