Drafts

" Anna,baby please dont leave me i need you" His words cascaded my mind over and over. That day became nothing but a distant memory when i left him. Now im 19 and walking out of college with a masters degree and still single. What has life to come of me?

After Ben began destroying the island to save it, and after Richard stole his memory
to make him part of the Hostiles; after he'd spent a year in the camp believing his
name was "Henry" so they they'd never kill him (because everyone other than Richard voted yes);
after they executed a false culprit; after Richard's wife started to get angry and worried; after 'Henry' had latched onto Richard in total heroism...

Richard is holding him, safe in the compounds of house-sheets, his teeth
shown across the man's jaw and 'Henry' 's driven mouth insideout everywhere-- Richard
calls out for Ben, and 'Henry' has no idea what to make of it.
--
We made love by the night time,
and sex in the morning
and you took your love back
the same way you'd given it up
--
By the time the
British send me
news of this document,
maybe they'll already
have repealed it.

I want your attention.

Hey, look at me.

I said I need your attention.

I'm over here.

And I demand your fucking attention.

nothing is really beautiful in this world. nothing is sacred. everything we know, or touch, has been sullied, one time or another, in another mind, another city, another sea. what we think is pure has already been twisted, though we may not know it yet. i do not think many of us care, though. it is far too much trouble to worry about whether art must only be pretty, or ugly. we only know what we love, and sometimes we don't even know that at all.

-

capitals and doilies

i made a city fall in love with me once. only one name, only two pairs of eyes. ten fingers, each of them wrapped around a key. just a single face among many, among thousands, but she has skyline lights on her shoulderblades. on her hair bluebirds nest, and their eggs are her pearldrop earrings. her smile is a landmark and i wished to be photographed next to it, remember it forever on my bedside. she came to me sometimes late, sometimes early, sometimes on time, always loud and bustling. her dancing knew no night, as life always began in the mornings. but she sold herself to someone else, as cities often do, and i had to let her go.

-

when i lay dying of the plague my vision was only of two things: blackness, and you. i assumed you took the place of the light, though you probably had little right to do so. but you did its job just the same. you held my hand and whispered that it was all right leave, at least for the time being. i wondered if the light was paying you to fill in for its shift because sometimes your fingers tightened when they smoothed over my hair, and you were never supposed to hold on. i coughed up water without worry because i would not have to clean it up, though i fretted a little that someone might slip over the puddles they created. i would have trusted you to wipe it up if you were not doing such a shoddy job of ushering me into the next life. it was time for me to go, my darling, i hoped you would have at least believed me. you believed me even when you did not have to.

-

you slithered through my ear, a worm in my brain who turned my insides into a puree until you became i and all of me.

-

sometimes you tasted like cherries, sometimes of mint. sometimes nothing but dry human sweat. sometimes you felt like leather and of oil, whether or not i touched you first. you always loved me, and sometimes that was not enough.

-

it was near the afternoon when you yawned like you wanted to go back to sleep. the sheets looked so crumpled and inviting, and so did your face, lazy smile like cheap white wine. if i were to want breakfast i would have had to make it myself, and neither of us had brushed our teeth yet but i leant down for a kiss. your tongue was like the sun, and it woke me up and begged me to stay.

i headed for the shower, then took the bus to work. it was a cloudy day.

-

i am very sick. maybe i am dying. mostly, i am still living.

-

you gave me a silver ring, for silver linings; maybe you just couldn't afford the gold.

-

it was a modern city but we had the oldest love.

-

i cry in all sorts of digusting ways (snotting and huffing and reddening) but you love even uglier.

-

the coat you gave me was missing all its buttons, those of which you wore on a string around your neck. i still wore it when it shrank in the wash, and their indentations and their four eyes where still on your skin when you lost them on the subway. when we die i hope my coat goes to a little boy who will fall in love with a girl who holds onto one of your buttons as if it were a pearl.

-

braille doesnt work anymore i hope this makles it to you and yuou understand it. i cannoy dread the ythingfs i am saying, i cannot repat them after i am done typiung. i M ENTIRWELY ALONE in thw worlds woitjput evben a pair of eyes to fuide me, to make sure this leter finds its way home. i do hope i havent run out of inkl. i lobre yupoi,. more than two ghoods eyes can see

;?(shit i gorgot twhre i put my stamp)s

-

fetus/placenta

i drowned in my dream and i woke up in water

-

eve/adam

you took out one of my ribs so i could breathe

-

dilating eyes, blinking eyes, fluttering eyes. you saw me a lullabye
it was floating in the sea
you unbottled a song
you swallowed the cork
and built a note boat for me

-

i long for the day i stumble upon a castle with my sword and white steed
to find that the dragon's been slain and another prince waiting for me

hopefully his crown won't be bigger than mine

-

he kisses her back and steals her breath through her spine, a firework bruising his lips. he spits it into the air and he imagines her skull full of flowers

-

i cried every day you weren't here, and then some

-

my goldfish has a replica of the tower of babel in his bowl and he talks to me in french which i do not understand

-

you flatlined, but i was the one who died

-

Sex is a whore. It's not you that's the whore. It's the sex.

He was alone. He hadn't always been alone - and neither had she - but he was alone now, and that's all that mattered.

Me and your twisted mind, we get along just fine.

its different in my head the way i feel
i can put it down into words for ink on paper
but its still different in my head the way i feel for you

-

you're so pretty with your eyes closed
a garden on your lashes
exhilirating

-

you are the wet blanket over my mouth
i stick my tongue out
and taste salty cotton

-

humming pulse
like a birdie in your veins
got a nest full of blood clots
and birds that beat thump thump thump

-

mouth like a bird
lashes weeping willows

-

nobody respects you when you say you're a writer

-

your nosebleed was just the perfect color of red, and of imperfect

-

nothing is more terrifying than an angel's tears

-

you bent over to pick up the mint you had dropped - skin folding across your stomach - blew on it, then popped it into your mouth. i wondered if i'd catch those germs when we swapped spit. but it was probably our germs from our come from when we last fucked on the floor - legs over your head, tiles cold against your back.

-

i shrunk your clothes in the wash on purpose, just to see those jeans hug your legs the way they were actually meant to

-

as soon as im done with this im gonna go over and kiss you

-

why is god always angry?

-

you rode me like you were a jockey. in all fairness i probably neighed once or twice

-

animals can cry without tears, while humans can tear up without crying

-

you didn't break my heart. you pierced it with a needle and stopped it cold.

-

your lips were on mine, breathing life - but it wasn't a kiss

-

how easy is it to play dead?

-

cNT EVEN bear to be apart34..............

Can't type properly either.

...police-box blue eyes that shine brighter than the stars.

i topped up and bought energy drink too

the train’s due in 5. the ticket man gave me my ticket for a pound! yay for christmas spirit? what the fuck? where are you? you’re not going to die. i don’t allow it. don’t be sorry, i almost did exactly the same thing. yeah, got here fine. gave his family the card and a box of chocolates. sitting watching movies the now. what be your plans? we’re just having pizza. probably easier to stay. come home tomorrow at one? he says thanks for the present, he loves it.

please report that you are not dead.

no can do, I’m out on tuesday and at the hospital on wednesday. see if you can change them, and if not, i’ll ask him? trains going really slowly. what day you going? by the way, i found your camera in my room the day in case you thought you’d lost it.

i’m sorry. hug? please? i’m really sorry.

that’s us done and heading home. kill it. you know, because chairs can be killed. yay for boyfriend not being murdered! did I bang my leg in the past couple of days? i found a bruise and i can’t remember where i got it. i found another, were you kicking me in your sleep? okay. signing in now.

the other side of the bed smells like you and it’s making me happy but missing you.

okay, miss smarts! why, what’s wrong? running a tad late, but i'm on my way now. don’t worry, you’ll be out soon baby. and we’re all here for you the day. see you soon hun. how goes the room tidying? my card just got declined on the train. so. fucking. embarrassed. oh, what time? wish you were here.

hey, are you free this weekend?

would you be willing to go somewhere if you were free? it’s not 100% yet, just thought i’d let you know in advance. where? we can’t see it any more. i thought about that. he died so all they do is camp. i’m sorry. still feel bad. make it work. you always do.

i’m almost out of credit already.

sew myself with yours
your bone dust under my nails
the finest sinew
molding in the palm of my hand

you have knuckles like pockets

i want to fold into the inside of your elbow
i want to be a pattern of your skin

-

please bare in mind... i'm not really perverted at all.

-

we shine as dimly as glow-in-the-dark stars

-

you headed west and i in the east but somehow we met in the middle
your eyes are the compass telling you to stay away
but the magnet is too great

-

we don't have movie star lighting (condoms not sponsored by the oscars)

-

her moans are soft and ragged around the edges

-

you tilt your head back
afraid to look at the sun

-

you have a tongue like a goldfish
so quick to wriggle
so quick to forget

but amidst the pebbles you never gasp for air

-

you shut your eyes as tight as your puckered cunt

She ran her fairy fingers over my bones and I felt sick. A kind of sick that you only feel in your joints. It's a feeling of being undone.

the lines of her hair were sharp, jagged, and her face was hidden. one wide eye glimpsed out behind spun gold. green. and filled with enough pain that made me think she came from some other hell. the lines that criss-crossed her lithe body matched the lines of her hair.

lines of hurt and anger and drunkennes. life lines

--

my veins were thrumming. it was like a thousand tiny spiders were scuttling under my skin. my whole body shivered on and on. my bones were vibrating, i could hear them humming.

Lucky 7, see you in heaven.

The day will come when she forgets everything...even me.

-

I wanted to spit my smile out onto the sidewalk.

-

“I wanted to piss my parents off,” he said, tracing patterns in the sand with his feet, “but they didn’t notice. And now I’m here and everyone notices, but no one cares. It’s fucked up."

There are two things in his drab existence that make him bleed out a smile. Being right, and the sloppy blowjobs he gets from those inebriated strangers with their strangers knees on the tacky floor of a public restroom. This fact alone makes him so morally wrong and stunningly twisted that I really doubt he ever considers himself quite right. No wonder he's always fucking frowning.

- i half hate it?

Olivia would be lying if she didn’t say she was scared. She could hear in the rush of her veins how panicked she was becoming, how much bravery she knew she needed. It was just kindergarten, she knew. All the girl would need to do is buck up, straighten her hair band, and take the first step in with her shiny Mary Janes and she’d start her education.

The dollhouse in the corner was her instant attraction: she could see a drab flower printed dress against the rainbow carpet.

She stabbed him in the eye with a pencil. A fucking pencil. And now she's off in some nut house with a stack of labels slapped on her, 'cos the officials think "Oh, if we give her a load of fancy sound proper nouns, everyone will just accept it and go, She's Crazy, Forget Her."

Well I do not accept. I do not condone. And I will not fucking forget her. They say to let the past stay where it is. Let sleeping dogs lie. But she was mine and she was in my heart and I don't care what those bastards say, because they aren't her.

"I can read your body language like a book."

"That's because you want to read my body like a book."

If not in this lifetime, then the next.