Weird/Messed-Up Family History?

My great uncle robbed a bank and was in prison quite awhile...he borrowed the gun from my granny.

All of the females in my family are insane. I mean, actually diagnosed with something. So I supposed I'm screwed, because I'm likely to come out with some symptons soon.
They also make stupid relationship choices?
Example: my grandmother ran off with a soldier, who left her when she fell pregnant to my uncle Ron, because he was already married.
My aunt did the same thing, when she was 16, just ran off. Came back a year later with a baby boy, my cousin Bradley.
My aunts married twin brothers - awkward now because one pair got divorced but we still have to associate with him and his family, because his brother is married to my other aunt.
That's all on my mums side.
On my dads side the family are just all geniuses. Although a lot of his relatives made their livings by stealing.
So... My genes are... Insane, but genius?
I love my family.

LaHottness011:

All of the females in my family are insane. I mean, actually diagnosed with something. So I supposed I'm screwed, because I'm likely to come out with some symptons soon.
They also make stupid relationship choices?
Example: my grandmother ran off with a soldier, who left her when she fell pregnant to my uncle Ron, because he was already married.
My aunt did the same thing, when she was 16, just ran off. Came back a year later with a baby boy, my cousin Bradley.
My aunts married twin brothers - awkward now because one pair got divorced but we still have to associate with him and his family, because his brother is married to my other aunt.
That's all on my mums side.
On my dads side the family are just all geniuses. Although a lot of his relatives made their livings by stealing.
So... My genes are... Insane, but genius?
I love my family.

You could be an evil genuis mastermind!

Both sides of my family were really into learning about family history and it turns out that my father's ancestors used to own most of Brooklyn (obviously this was years ago like 1500's or something) and my mother's ancestors were the Pazzi's who killed Lorenzo de' Medici's brother--needless to say history class became rather entertaining when it came to the italian lesson.

Also apparently one of my second cousins (my father's uncle) daughter was actually bought off from a teenager when she was born in exchange for a pair of jeans. The worst part is she doesn't even know this but my grandmother (great uncle's sister) told my father about. My dad lost contact with her when she was young and he moved away but it turns out she goes to my church so every time I see her I just know this huge fact about her life that she doesn't even know about. Its crazy.

Incestial rape on my Mother's father's side...the rapists were preachers too.

Sexual and "regular" abuse from her Mother's Mother's father's side.

Oh and I recently found out that my great great great grandmother divorced her husband and took her maiden name back. So, all the people my mother thought we were related to (due to ancestry.com type places) are not related to us or at least not the way we thought.

I know that's not that insane, but no one told anyone that.

Oh, and the woman's son (my ancester) was her second one right? Well, get this: he was the son of a mountain man by the name of Smith.

My Mom's father's side are Smiths.

All supposed to be from the same area.... x.x

Then, they're Gilstrap's on my Mom's Dad's side.

My Dad is a Gilstrap on his Dad's side and a Smith on his Mom's (though her grandma was a Canadian Smith).

Surprisingly, I've been in gifted classes my whole life. I'm the inbred exception I guess....

Weird.

Oh, and, it's like tradition in my family to get knocked up at 16, married before that, and divorced before 18.

I'm the only one who hasn't followed tradition. Lovely, right?

2/3 of my cousins have been in jail (GTA and meth labs). My brother has actually spent the last five years in prison, on and off. He's 21.

Oh, and alcoholism runs in my family like a hamster runs on a wheel. Both sides...

I had a great aunt who was addicted to cola because of the cocaine that used to be in it. She had to move to the country because she kept walking to town and buying the colas.

There's a lot more I could say. I just don't feel like it right now, too sleepy!

Mum's side:
-My great-uncle harasses every female in the family every time there's a get-together. He once gave my great-aunt [not his wife] welts on her ass from hitting her so hard. He hates my father and last Christmas kicked him in the lower back [my dad has back problems and this action rendered him effectively immobile for nearly an hour due to pain] and I ended up having my then-ten-year-old brother hold my hand as I went through a massive panic attack while this uncle's wife yelled at my father for defending himself verbally. This uncle has also made multiple attempts to grab me inappropriately and once smacked me on the ass with a cricket bat [the only reason I couldn't hit back was I had my hands full with glass bowls].
- My mum's younger brother is severely depressed and has a drug problem. He's tried to commit suicide more times than I can count and has been known to disappear for days on end. Last I knew he was in the mental ward on suicide watch but that may have changed.
- My mum's younger brother's fifteen-year-old son tried to sexually abuse my brother and possibly one of my other cousins [mum's older brother's son]. He's got issues out the wahzoo, still wets the bed, and has been expelled from multiple schools for violence.
- Most of my mum's cousin's family [including her children and parents, another great-uncle and aunt] is extremely religious. All of her siblings and their children treat me as inferior. The great-aunt has been known to beg me out at football games in front of my mum's older brother's current partner, when her own grandchildren are just as bad as me if not worse [one of them wrecked a car without insurance three days after buying it]. That entire side of the family have always treated me like shit because I've never fit their perfect image, they're extremely hoity-toity and elitist.

Dad's side:
- Dad's younger brother has a history of crazy exes. His first ex, who I still consider my aunt, went through various periods both when they were together and afterwards. During an argument she once drew a knife, and she once called child services on his most recent ex for neglect of my cousins [which may or may not have been justified], but she's fine now and she'll always be my aunt. His other ex neglected my cousins, would lock them in their bedrooms for eight hours a day or more at times. She refuses to let him see the two children he fathered with her and favoritized the daughter he fathered with the first ex,even though she used to lock said daughter in bedrooms without food or bathroom access for hours.
- We don't know anything at all about my dad's dad's family. When my Pa died, one of his siblings asked my mother who she was [my parents had been together for over eleven years by that point]. There's also some big thing about my Pa's father's wives and siblings that I don't understand, but it's pretty all-over-the-place and from what I can gather involved death, alcoholism, and infidelity.

Yeah. My mum's side is worse, but even she admits that. She gets why I hate Christmas with her side after last year's incidents.

-My grandpa on my dad's side immigrated from Berlin when he was four years old because his uncle was put in a concentration camp for refusing to give up his Jewish faith. Because of this, my grandpa's family stopped practicing and nobody's Jewish in my family anymore.
-My grandpa often yells at my aunts and my dad in German when he's drunk, and two of my uncles yell in Spanish. I'm the only person who speaks both languages, so I'm just sitting there laughing my ass off when my grandpa calls someone a 'drecksau' or my uncles spew some really vile Spanish curses.

My mom's Bipolar II, I'm Bipolar II, my sister is Bipolar I, and my other sister has something. My brother is starting therapy soon.

I'm pansexual, my sister's bisexual, and my other sister is a transgendered lesbian. (Not messed up, but kinda outta the norm.)

My mother and my stepdad were married when I was younger, then divorced, then had an affair when his wife left him without leaving him (moved out of state). Then his wife divorced him because she was having an affair and then my stepdad and her continued to date but didn't get married for, like, two years.

My stepdad's said ex-wife kidnapped her daughter, took her out of the country. U.S. Marshals showed up at our house (mine and my mom's) to look for her. Found out later she was living with my dad and stepmom (who had no idea) so I called and reported her and she went to jail and blah blah blah.

My dad's adopted dad had an affair (he was single, she was married) with his now wife who is the self-righteous hypocritical town Christian who was fired from her job as a lunch lady for slapping a special ed kid.

I don't know much about the people way back, but my family is pretty screwy.

Oh. And I'm technically still related to my stepdad's ex-wife. She is my dad's adopted dad's second wife's son's brother-in-law's stepdaughter. We used to go home and ask my parents if we were related to people before we could date them.

One of my dad's brothers kidnapped his own father to obtain money. He also passed a car that my dad had sold to his sister, and was still under his name, over the border to the U.S. filled with drugs and framed my dad for drug trafficking.

My mother does genealogy religiously and has come across a few odd tales, but I can only think of two off the top of my head.

-My great-great-great-grandmother was 10 when she got married to an 18 year old.
-I'm apparently descended from the first known prostitute of New York.

I tend to use the latter as an ice-breaker in certain conversations.

Skittlemeister.:

My mother does genealogy religiously and has come across a few odd tales, but I can only think of two off the top of my head.

-My great-great-great-grandmother was 10 when she got married to an 18 year old.
-I'm apparently descended from the first known prostitute of New York.

I tend to use the latter as an ice-breaker in certain conversations.

That is fantastic.

My dad's family is like a soap opera. Apparently his "mom" is actually is biological aunt and his "aunt" is his biological mother. The crazy part is, when my dad was 9 he overheard the adults talking about this, and that's when he found out. He never said anything- ever. Then, when his "mom" was dying, she told him the truth (that she was technically his aunt and that his real mother gave him to her because she couldn't raise him at the time). He pretended that this was the first he'd heard the news. To this day (this was over 20 years ago) he has never told any of his "cousins" that he is actually their half-sibling.

My aunt who for most of my life I thought was my mother's sister, it turned out she was her cousin. What happened was that my grandmother adopted her because her sister (who has always been and still is) was a hard party-er/alcoholic, and had her not knowing who the father was. Well, having a bastard child at that time period (somewhere in the 50s and 60s), was a big NO-NO. So my grandmother took her in and raised her. My aunt knows about all this too.

My mother's big and only brother killed himself when he was 27. Through my mother's stories, he was quite a intelligent guy (graduating number one of his class and going to one of the top schools in America), and he was the family favorite also. I still don't know why he did it, but my family misses him and my mother told me that I remind her of him sometimes.

My grandparents got married, divorced, then remarried for financial reasons.

Well, this is going to be interesting.
-My mother was a model, and the stress of modeling eventually pushed her into an addiction to hard drugs.
-My father was schizophrenic and killed himself when I was 4.
-My great-grandmother (my maternal grandmother's mother) tried to choke my cousin when he was 7, allowed her son to beat my grandmother, damned me to Hell when I was 6, and arranged my grandmother's marriage to her first husband when she was 18 and he was in his late thirties; they divorced after a year.
-My great-uncle (my maternal grandmother's brother) lies to everyone constantly saying he was in the Navy SEALS, when actually he was kicked out of the service for nearly beating a guy to death in San Francisco because he was gay. He beat up gay guys the whole time he was stationed there, and one time the guy he was beating's boyfriend cut up his back with a straight razor, and he lies about where he got the scars.
-My uncle (my mom's brother) threatened to kill my grandpa, grandma, and mom when he was 15 with a machete. He went to juvie three or four times, when to prison several times, and is now addicted to crack and Oxycontin and sells Vicodin.
-My great-great grandfather (my maternal grandmother's grandfather) had schizophrenia and shot and killed his wife, and tried to kill my great grandmother.
-My cousin (my maternal uncle's son) got a 14 year old girl pregnant when he was 19, and never speaks to his daughter, Maddison, who's 7. He threatens to kill Maddison's mother 24/7, and nearly got Maddie and her other son taken away. Hes now almost 26 and engaged to an 18 year old girl and lied to my entire family about her being pregnant. He did that with his last ex girlfriend last summer, too.

*My mother left when I was five for reasons unknown soon after divorcing my dad.

*My mother's side of the family has next to nothing to do with me or my father.

*My father has schizophrenia. He hasn't had an episode in 11 years, though.

*One of my dad's brothers (my uncle) is in jail for murdering a woman who'd had an affair with an Indian shopkeeper two years ago.

*He'd spent the previous fifteen years as a member of the KKK. (Yeah. Australia has that too, people.)

*During my father's episode, this was the uncle I stayed with. It was quite an...interesting time, to say the least, considering I've never agreed with racism.

*He had a hitting problem.

*He'd also been in juvie when he was fifteen or sixteen for threatening an Italian guy down the street from him.

*My other uncle died in Afghanistan.

*He'd been addicted to cocaine for several years.

Can't be proven true, but my grandmother claims our side of the family came to America because we had to get free from the scandal of a maid (who was our relation) being pregnant with someone royal's baby. (Apparently she could have been killed?)

Maybe I shouldn't talk about this... I do have quite an odd family history and my mother forbids me from talking to anyone at school about it—even my friends. But this is the internet, so why not? It could be a good way of venting...
• My mother's father was an alcoholic
• My father's father was an alcoholic, had several mistresses, took them home sometimes even if my grandmother was home. Once day he murdered my grandmother before killing himself by drinking something like Drain-O after she had tried to convince him to let her divorce. Then their children saw their dead bodies.
• My father is an alcoholic, and hasn't gotten over the traumatic event of his parents' death.
• My entire father's side is filled with cheating, crass, alcoholics as well.
• My godfather used to work for Noriega, a Panamanian dictator who was pretty much the Panamian equivalent of Hitler, or any other evil dictator. So that means he probably helped killing people, travelling drugs, and was filthy rich, until Noriega was stopped.
• Did I mention he befriended my father in hoping of getting of Visa, but since my father didn't help him get one he hasn't spoken to him ever since?
• My father and mother fight constantly. He often times degrades her.
• My father has hit my face several times and has gotten into a physical fight with my brother in a car with me.
• He still a nice man though, when he's sober and not hungover... which can be rare.
• My aunt and uncle [father's side] steal money from their brothers, and have been in jail for not paying bills.
• My grandmother in my mother's side fled from Spain to Panamá when Franco was dictating Spain.

My cousin married a guy, only to find out at a family reunion that they were related, but they stayed together because they alright had 4 kids together.

& my great, great, great, (another great perhaps) father was white. & the slave he messed around with (my grand mother) & a few of his other slaves were referred to as "his best nergoes" & he gave us to his most trusted friend when he died.

My mom's dad had multiple families in different countys & another state all at the same time. She's just now finding half brothers & sisters no one knew about. & he got drunk & told them there's 'probably more, I can't remember'.

My grandfather committed suicide with the gun he gave to my father for Christmas when my father was 14.

My aunt is a professor for the deaf at Vanderbilt University and she's gay

My uncle was the punter for the Redskins, Dolphins, and various other teams and went to the Superbowl twice.

My mom's parents both died of medical difficulties before she turned 16.

My mom has been married six times and I have a half sister because of this.

I haven't spoken to my half sister in six years.

There's nothing really "confusing" about my family, just some interesting stuff like that ^^^

My grandfather was part of a feared gang who more or less ran south London during the early 1900s.