Eating Disorders.

I've been suffering from anorexia for two years.. my boyfriend thinks I'm in recovery, but I'm not tbh.. I know if he finds out, it'll break his heart..

I just can't stop. ;/

I have been struggling anorexia and compulsive exercising for 4 years now. I'm struggling. I'm not pro ana or mia (since compulsive exercising is a bulimia thing). I tried recovering, but I relasped hard.

@ exterminate.
omg your a whovian?

I went through periods of binging and fasting ever since I was twelve. It's improved since I graduated high school, but it's still a struggle every day. I'm trying to get fit and healthy, instead of just trying to keep my weight down, but setbacks always throw me back into my old habits.

I've struggled with eating disorders for the past few years. I'll starve for days, binge eat, throw it back up, and then starve again. Lately I've been really focusing on improving my eating habits, but it takes a lot of effort to push back the thoughts that I need to starve again.

The longest I managed to go was about two weeks, and then I went on a five day fast. As soon as I start blacking out, I'll eat again, but as soon as I start feeling better, I'll starve for another five-to-seven days.

So far I've managed to eat for the past week, and I'm hoping I can keep it up. Just as long as I'm making progress, I know I'll keep pushing myself.

The worst thing is the bad breath: it smells something like a mix between rotting fruit and nail varnish. When people think about EDs, they don't tend to consider all the little things, but for me the bad breath is one of the worst things ever; it's just mortifying.

@ Gaia-erewhon
I agree. I still carry around mints and Listerine Breath Strips constantly out of fear of bad breath, even though it's been a while now since I last purged.

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It seems like I can't stop dreaming about it...I'm in kind of a bad spot right now (good days and bad days) but haven't become bad again yet, but it doesn't help that I've been having really vivid dreams about purging. I'm scared they're going to push me over the edge.

I just don't want this to be a constant struggle and have it on the forefront of my mind all the time. unfortunately it's the only way I know of dealing with stress, and I am very stressed right now.

Currently having Bulimia right now. It f-ing sucks. Can't stop binging, and after I eat so much, I go purge because I feel terribly sick and too full. It's like ruining my life. I can't wear my clothes right anymore because everything is becoming too tight. My self-esteem is dropping day by day, and my throat is terribly sore.

I'm going to a counselor to get help with it right now but it doesn't seem to be doing so much.

@ Gaia-erewhon
My friends that don't know think I'm crazy because I have like three different flavors of gum in my purse. Haha But that is what it is for. (: And, something for me to chew on instead whenever I feel like gorging on food. ):

i just relapsed last night. hahahaha this is so fucking fun x____x

I only feel good about myself when I'm starving for days at a time. Eating makes me feel like a failure. I'm scared of exercising because people say you need to eat 1200 calories a day when you exercise or you'll hold on to weight. But eating anything makes me feel like a failure, eating anything more than a few pieces of fruit and water makes me feel the need to vomit. I only feel proud of my body when I'm starving. But I can't do that much anymore, because it hurts my boyfriend. And I can't allow myself to go into public because I feel so disgusting all the time. I hate myself right now, and it's wrecking my life but I don't know how to make it better.

I want to seek help, I've been urged to seek help by help resources for those suffering from eating disorders, but I'm afraid people (like my family) will think I'm faking for attention, like they did when I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. Or that they will say I'm too fat to have an eating disorder because I'm not still all bones, like when I was younger. So no one except my boyfriend knows. He tries to help me, he really does, and I love him so much, but keeping me from starving myself or forcing myself to vomit doesn't make the urge to do that go away, and encouraging me to eat healthy foods and to exercise doesn't take the panic away, either. And I don't know how to make it stop any better than he does.

I don't even really have an eating disorder or a desire to be thin, but I'm underweight and my mom seems to think I'm anorexic. I just got scolded for using the stair stepper for like five minutes because I was bored. >_>

I mean, I don't think I have an eating disorder...it's not really my fault I'm slender. I don't want to be fat though, I've sorta accepted I'll always be the scrawny one though it'd be cool to have big muscles.

I am a "recovered" anorexic. I say it with quotes because really, the mental part doesn't go away but I managed to stop starving myself and start eating right. I spent about 5 years torturing myself thinking I'd be "pretty". People don't realise what they can do to another person with just words. It's sad.

I gained a lot of weight when I started eating properly and my metabolism stayed wacky for years. It's only been recently that I have been able to start to repair the damage I'd done to myself over 8 years ago. Eating disorders are a really fucking ugly thing. If you've got one, get help. Don't take the long way around like I did and certainly don't let the first step out be through the doors at the hospital.

I am a PM away if anyone needs someone who's been through it to listen or advice.

Matt Smith:

Anorexia isn't something you can just 'switch off' when you feel like it, though. It's a mental disorder. It's like someone saying 'I used to have a personality disorder, then I realised how stupid I was being, so I stopped'. It doesn't work like that. Also people with Anorexia are hardly stupid. Like I said, it's a mental disorder, not a choice one makes.

I'm probably replying to this really late. Sorry! Reading back on it, I stated myself really idiotically. It wasn't a switch, really. Simply saying and in a very condensed version, I "switched it off". Yes, it was harder than saying, "No, stop doing what you're doing." It was much harder. I just found it was linked to other things and it took self-reflection and other things to make myself stop falling into anorexia.

And since I've posted that, I have fallen back into anorexic habits for small periods of time without realising it. The thing was, I realised I was calling myself anorexic when really I had developed some (I don't know a better word) habits that fall under it. Really, it was all under my depression/stess/anxiety.

If I come off a little stand-off-ish, I'm sorry. I'm just trying to explain/reiterate myself. I don't mean any offence.

But to anyone else that this is applicable to, putting it harshly and from an "outsider's" (a person not knowing much about any disorder really) perspective, sometimes it isn't as bad as you may think. It took some time and I'm still working at it a little when it comes back up, but self-reflection is a very helpful step. I realised all of my problems that were making me do things were solvable, were horrible and sucked total crap, but were still not impossible. You do need a support system. Family, friends, a physician, whatever makes you comfortable and you trust. Steps to helping sounds easy, reasons to non-knowers for doing what you do sound "dumb"; it's work and effort and it's definitely not easy. But support and self-reflection are important keys to being better. Maybe society's normal is messed up, but you have to realise yes, we're all messed up, but we're all important and amazing in our own little ways even if we can't see it just yet.

I sound cheesy, and I don't like that, but it's the truth. It took my friends sticking through my horribleness for me to realise everything.

there's been a counselor i've been seeing for about a year now who has really helped me through a lot and all but one thing he said in our past few sessions was that he told me he didn't think my eating disorder was "diagnosable". i know he just meant by the really strict DSM standards i don't fit directly into anorexia or bulimia or anything, but it still really hurt because i can't help but take it to me it's not "bad" enough. and it's really hard not to try and throw myself off the rails trying to get some stupid ass diagnosis that'll fuck up my body and my life.

and even though i know it's stupid, it's still bugging me and making me feel like i don't have a real problem even though this time last year i could barely bring myself to eat a piece of fruit much less a whole meal without puking it up. ugh.