Eating Disorders.

I have Compulsive Eating Disorder and there's honestly nothing I can do about it. I've tried so hard to stop eating, but really, I eat because I'm bored, I eat because I see food, I just eat constantly, all the time. I'm not 'fat' either, I'm a normal size for my height, but at the same time, I know I could gain a bunch of weight within days. So really, I hate the fact that I have CED, and I wish I could change it. But I've tried everything, and I just ... can't.

(ifrst of all I'm not clinically diagnosed) but I'm 99.9% sure I have ED-NOS. For several months I restricted my food intake so I was eating maybe 800 calories a day and burning about 2500 (most of that is what my body was burning on it's own) and dropped like 15 pounds. Now I'm in a vicious binge purege cycle (days of eating normal then days of starving with massive amounts of exercise) Idk how long this will go on. Right now I'm happy and eating well (normal) and working out a healthy amount (the only way I feel right eating and makes me feel somewhat in control), but I'm really afraid it's just a matter of time before I' relaspe into the purge part. v.v I just want to be better. I'm hurting the one person I love and Idk what to do besides shut up and up the food in and just stop calling myself.
I guess what I'm trying to say is I feel like I should just suffer in silence.

orangesharpie13:

(ifrst of all I'm not clinically diagnosed) but I'm 99.9% sure I have ED-NOS. For several months I restricted my food intake so I was eating maybe 800 calories a day and burning about 2500 (most of that is what my body was burning on it's own) and dropped like 15 pounds. Now I'm in a vicious binge purege cycle (days of eating normal then days of starving with massive amounts of exercise) Idk how long this will go on. Right now I'm happy and eating well (normal) and working out a healthy amount (the only way I feel right eating and makes me feel somewhat in control), but I'm really afraid it's just a matter of time before I' relaspe into the purge part. v.v I just want to be better. I'm hurting the one person I love and Idk what to do besides shut up and up the food in and just stop calling myself.
I guess what I'm trying to say is I feel like I should just suffer in silence.

Maybe you should talk to someone?
It's hard, but worth it. :)

it's four am.:

orangesharpie13:

(ifrst of all I'm not clinically diagnosed) but I'm 99.9% sure I have ED-NOS. For several months I restricted my food intake so I was eating maybe 800 calories a day and burning about 2500 (most of that is what my body was burning on it's own) and dropped like 15 pounds. Now I'm in a vicious binge purege cycle (days of eating normal then days of starving with massive amounts of exercise) Idk how long this will go on. Right now I'm happy and eating well (normal) and working out a healthy amount (the only way I feel right eating and makes me feel somewhat in control), but I'm really afraid it's just a matter of time before I' relaspe into the purge part. v.v I just want to be better. I'm hurting the one person I love and Idk what to do besides shut up and up the food in and just stop calling myself.
I guess what I'm trying to say is I feel like I should just suffer in silence.

Maybe you should talk to someone?
It's hard, but worth it. :)

I tried (spoke with my wonderful bf), but it's really hard for him to talk about cause it really hurts him to watch me struggle with this and it's to the point where he's had to say "If you don't get better I'm gonna have to end this." I feel like this is not worth losing him over. Like I said before right now everything is under control and I'm eating normally and exercising quite a bit, but I'm scared i'm gonna hit my purge part where I starve and work out way too much again.

I was a compulsive eater and then I was annorexic (I thought about becoming bulemic but I never was able to make myself throw up).

I'm not sure what I am right now. I just go hours and hours without eating and then I eat a huge meal. It's odd.

orangesharpie13:

You can message me if you want.
I'm seeing a psychologist, that helps.

I eat a lot. I'm an emotional eater. But I actually went through a phase last year where I didn't eat a thing for a month before I finally almost passed out and realized what was happening. I had become anorexic in an attempt to beat my weight and emotional eating. I soon had to battle other demons that were different than I was used to. Instead of battling my eating all the time I was having to force myself to eat one bite at a time. And the whole time I didn't even think it was anorexia because it was more of me just forgetting to eat. It was awful and occasionally I'll still go three and four days without eating and not realize it.

I've had anorexic/bulimic tendencies, but never really been either.

I've been anorexic for seven years. I still remember the exact day that really triggered it. I was "better" for a while, then got bad, then got really bad, got better, got bad, got worse, got better, and now I'm getting worse again. I'm 5'5; my highest weight was 124lb, my lowest about 97lb.

That's about all I can say about it without feeling incredibly uncomfortable. My boyfriend is the only other person who knows about it, and it's the one thing I have an extremely difficult time talking to him about.

My friend used to have anorexia before I knew her, and I think she's slowly getting ill again. Me and another friend were reading one of her magazines, and she had drawn green circles around all the girl's bones that were sticking out. She hardly eats anymore, it's really sad. None of us really know what to do, either. I just hope she doesn't become anorexic again.

I'd say I'm semi-anorexic.

I don't eat. The only time I ever bring myself to, is if I know someone is going to say something about my not eating. Idk I love the control I have when I don't. I know it's bad.

I used to be anorexic. Then I realised how stupid I was being.

Now, I eat a lot. I wouldn't call it compulsive eating or bench eating, but I just eat a lot, a lot of the time.

I don't have a disorder, but I don't eat normally. I take turns in eating normally, eating more and starving myself. But I don't do it to look pretty or something. I'm just kind of masochistic and trying to test my limits. I look and feel normal anyway and there's certainly nothing wrong with me.

Addyliners:

I used to be anorexic. Then I realised how stupid I was being.

Now, I eat a lot. I wouldn't call it compulsive eating or bench eating, but I just eat a lot, a lot of the time.

Anorexia isn't something you can just 'switch off' when you feel like it, though. It's a mental disorder. It's like someone saying 'I used to have a personality disorder, then I realised how stupid I was being, so I stopped'. It doesn't work like that. Also people with Anorexia are hardly stupid. Like I said, it's a mental disorder, not a choice one makes.

elizabeth gaskell:

Anorexia isn't something you can just 'switch off' when you feel like it, though. It's a mental disorder. It's like someone saying 'I used to have a personality disorder, then I realised how stupid I was being, so I stopped'. It doesn't work like that. Also people with Anorexia are hardly stupid. Like I said, it's a mental disorder, not a choice one makes.

Thank you for stating this. I was about to say the same thing, because it's downright offensive when people say things like that.

Honestly, i wish so bad I could just "turn off" my anorexia. I have come close to death because of it-- why on Earth would I seriously want that? Yeah, I've gone through periods of time where I've managed to regain some control and health, but I've never just "gotten rid of it". It doesn't work like that, and if it did work like that for someone, than they were never really anorexic in the first place-- just a little distorted.

And I agree, anorectics are usually not stupid people at all. In fact, anorexia nervosa is most common in perfectionistic women with above average intelligence.

^
Being intelligent doesn't mean that you'll never do stupid things, I mean, I'm an above average intelligence perfectionist and I still do a lot of really stupid things all the time, especially when it comes to deal with people and emotions. If you have a high cognitive intelligence that doesn't automatically mean you'll have a high emotional one.
Though that was not my point, although I don't think eating disorders are stupid, I do think they're irresponsible to a certain extend, the same way drug addiction is irresponsible.

I've toyed with starving myself.
Usually something happens.
And I cave and binge.
Or I pass out somewhere.
Most of the time,
after I eat,
--no matter how much--
I get extremely nauseous.
But I've never thrown up.
I can't bear the thought.

kafka.:

^
Being intelligent doesn't mean that you'll never do stupid things, I mean, I'm an above average intelligence perfectionist and I still do a lot of really stupid things all the time, especially when it comes to deal with people and emotions. If you have a high cognitive intelligence that doesn't automatically mean you'll have a high emotional one.
Though that was not my point, although I don't think eating disorders are stupid, I do think they're irresponsible to a certain extend, the same way drug addiction is irresponsible.

Oh, I completely agree and I didn't mean to make it sound like cognitive intelligence is necessarily equal to emotional intelligence. And like you said-- even someone who is highly intelligent is bound to do something ridiculous.

I also agree that eating disorders are irresponsible to a point. It usually starts off irresponsibly, willingly engaging in harmful behavior and intentionally taking dieting, exercise, etc. to an extreme. But, like drug-addiction, it quickly snowballs in to something far beyond your control and that's when things get ugly.

But eh. I apologize for basically doing nothing but reiterating your point without adding much to it. Haha.

smoker's delight.:

I've been anorexic for seven years. I still remember the exact day that really triggered it. I was "better" for a while, then got bad, then got really bad, got better, got bad, got worse, got better, and now I'm getting worse again. I'm 5'5; my highest weight was 124lb, my lowest about 97lb.

That's about all I can say about it without feeling incredibly uncomfortable. My boyfriend is the only other person who knows about it, and it's the one thing I have an extremely difficult time talking to him about.

I relate so much to your situation. Well I do not have anorexia exactly, but I have stuggled with ED-NOS and have no one to talk to besides my boyfriend. I know how hard it is to try and talk to a bf cause ( 9 times out of 10) they just want you better, wether it's because they really care or they just want you to quit bitching about being fat. If you want/need someoen to talk to feel free to message me.