Eating Disorders.

I used to have anorexia. and, yes, i am a boy. my boyfriend kept making fun of my "fat" and my home situation wasn't great either, so I tried to make things better by taking food out of the equation. I never ate, for about two weeks. The most I had was water and crackers. I lost 15 pounds in the first month, and I had it for a year until my friend noticed how skinny I was, and I passed out for several days, ending up in a hospital.

I went into treatment, and I'm slowly getting better. But to this day, I eat portions of a toddler, maybe even a first grader.

Doesn't help that I'm 25 pounds underweight. :P

I don't even think mine's one, but i won't eat unless someone tells me to. I just forget to eat. It's basically at the bottom of my priority list.

I thought I beat it. I really did.

but it's back.
with a vengeance. :/

I've been anorexic for eight years. I've posted so on this thread before, but I always end up deleting the post a few minutes later before I think anyone's had a chance to read it. but based on what's gone on in the last two months as far as my disorder, and after reading something in another thread, I felt compelled to post this.

I really, really, really thought I'd "gotten over it", if there is such a thing (which there's not). but I was really, really, really wrong.
and in a sick way, I'm ecstatic. dear lord. :/

edit// just went back and double-checked. a few of my old posts are still up. ugh, it's disconcerintg.

(This may not be the most appropriate thing to post here, but I need to get it out of my system. I apologize in advance if I offend anyone.)
God I want an eating disorder.
I had disordered eating in junior high and it helped bring my weight to a no longer overweight, but not like pretty skinny, place. Now for the last few years I've been back and forth with my eating habits and I've gained a tiny bit of weight and I'm miserable. I've tried getting back on the extremely restricted intake wagon (It worked so well the first time), but every time I end up so hungry after the first two days I just binge like crazy. I'd puke, but I'm to scared of getting caught and I have a strong gag reflex so it's nearly impossible.
Anyone else out there experience anything like this? I know I need help, but there's no one to ask. I DO NOT want to talk about it with my parents (mom really insulted me today about my weight), The boyfriend is out because this, I guess disordered thinking, nearly broke us up a few times, and I have no way of getting counseling without talking to my parents. I feel really stuck and would like to feel like I have this thing beat and like I can stop wasting my life on something that doesn't matter. Or something that shouldn't matter.

^ I used to have a lot of body/eating issues. I hated the way I looked but the thing is, if you have an eating disorder that won't change. If anything, it'll just get worse. If you have an eating disorder then you'll just always feel fat, even if you're underweight. You'll also still be miserable because the lack of nutrition deprives your brain of the nutrients it needs to stay happy and you'll probably develop severe depression. You'll also become so weak that you won't be able to go out/enjoy your slim figure anyway. Eating disorders are never the answer. Eat healthy, exercise and most importantly, love yourself for who you are. There's nothing wrong with you.

I suffered from Bulimia for during middle school but I was able to recover somewhat. Now I just have some anorexic tendencies. I'm not extremely underweight (or close to it in my opinion) but I wouldn't be surprised if by the end of next year I was. I'm pretty good with trying to explain why others need to get help but when it's myself that's being focused on everything changes.

I have anorexia and bulimia tendencies, but I'm not either bulimic or anorexic. Sometimes I'll strave myself for a few days and then eat, and then I throw up my food. I know it's stupid, seeing as I'm extremely thin (I'm like fifteen pounds underweight) but I can't help myself. :/

I'm pretty skinny as is but I don't eat much so weight loss is a normal thing for me. When I gain weight it's like three or four pounds but it disappears pretty quickly. My sister thinks I have an eating disorder or am developing one. I won't admit to it because I doubt I have one.

I was bulimic from 14 - 17 then I got over it and I had my son back in March and lost the weight fast but become very aware of everything now wrong with my body and the bulimia started all over again...I love to eat, but when I eat I have to get rid of it.

I weighed 130 pounds before my pregnancy, 168 during, two weeks after I was down to 135, and at present time I'm 109, and honestly I want to lose the 9 pounds.

This will make no sense whatsoever, but I'm anorexic, but I don't think I have a problem with it.

I don't see why I shouldn't be allowed to starve if I want. It's my life, I can do what I want to, and what I want to do is not get fat.
For me, getting fat is worse than anything. If I got even fatter, (I'm 5'8 and roughly 130 pounds), I'd probably kill myself. No lie there.

I dealt with anorexia in the 9th grade. And lately, just in the last few months, I've been struggling with it again I feel. I find myself constantly telling myself not to eat, or I'll get fat. And I'm obsessed with my weight, & trying to stay skinny. I know not eating doesn't really help in the long run, but I'm just constantly try to avoid it. And I work out a lot, & try to build myself up into being skinny.
I really don't want to fall back into that again, cause I know how bad it is for you, & your body in the long run. I just don't know what else to do lately. I'm constantly beating myself up over my image.

I just really don't want to find myself struggling through that again cause it was such a dark time in my life before.

I was not diagnosed and am still not diagnosed for any of the supposed "disordered eating" I had/have. I started to throw up my meals at the end of the 8th grade, then starved myself all through grade 9 and the beginning of grade 10, binged and purged through grades 10 and 11, and doing a combination of all three now in grade 12. I'm not proud and I think I'm absolutely revolting for how sick I look (with a mix of how fat and disgusting I think I am), and I want to stop but I can't.

I'm a binge-purge anorexic in recovery. I started getting bullied during the second week of my fifth-grade year. Girls called me a fat, worthless, hideous disgrace to society. One girl handed me a bottle of pills and told me to "do everyone a favor". I started looking at myself in a completely different way. I started counting calories and obsessively weighing myself. If I ate more than 700 calories in a day, I forced myself to throw up. If I couldn't throw up, I'd exercise excessively.

This has continued for the past five and a half years. I've had my good days and my bad days. I've gone months without purging or skipping meals before. I don't know why I do what I do. No matter how thin I get, no matter how low the numbers on the scale get, I can't see myself as anything but revolting. It's tearing my apart more than anything else ever has

I was always thin my entire life, but it was more of a problem than a privilege. I was always underweight, and when I would gain some I'd be so happy. But that made me think it was okay to be unhealthy, so I ate all the junk I wanted and eventually went into cardiac arrest. I was told that I had an extreme iron deficiency and the bottom line is, I was really unhealthy. I started being healthy and working out, but it got to the point that I would purge in fear of being unhealthy again, when I'd had a snack or treat.

Hard to slip out of, but easy to avoid! If you feel an eating disorder growing on you, just (of course, get help and talk to someone) start exercising. Healthy foods and workouts are much better for you than starving or puking. But you have to remember, it's going to be hard. Having a close friend or family member encourage you is the best way to go.

I don't have an eating disorder - but disordered eating and..? I have a sort of body dysmorphic disorder. I always think I'm fat. I used to weigh, like, 130, and gradually lost that and I've been at 109 for a while but I want to get down to like 89 or something. But I still think I'm, like, really huge, but I think that's maybe not true. Like the other day, I was with my friend, helping her pick out clothes and she's thin, you know? So, she picked out these jeans and they were like size 3 and they fit her super nice, and I'm bored and dumb, and I tried them on and they fit perfectly.

And as a rule, it says something that I'm a boy that can nicely fit into a womens size 3. I naturally just eat, like 800-900 calories a day(not healthy, even for me - the stuff i eat just doesn't have a lot of calories), so, whenever I'd restrict I'd eat next to fucking nothing. It's weird because even though I've lost like 20 pounds I don't see a difference - yeah, my clothes fit differently but, I'm still, like... LOGICALLY, I KNOW I LOOK DIFFERENT, but emotionally, I still feel fat and look fat, sometimes even fatter than before. It's weird because I don't even want to show anyone my body.. not even if I looked ideal, I'd still want to cover up and hide and whenever someone goes 'YOU'VE LOST WEIGHT,' I seriously feel like crap.

Sometimes I'll prepare food like, 'oh, i am so gonna devour you, i need you inside of me,' then, i'll sit there with it and then i'll just poke at it and then i just sit in inside some tupperware and call it a night. it's weird, sometimes i can't bring myself to eat, and I don't think about how fat I'm going to be if i eat it, i just physically cannot do it and if i eat some of it, i just get... really upset afterwards and I never even eat it all.

I used to over-eat but that was because I sort of had anxiety... if I went to eat, I didn't have to talk, if i went to eat, I could take a break from my work and not feel so pressured, my mom would stop yelling at me if I ate, etc. Then, it just became a habit to eat even when I wasn't hungry and I kind of felt that food would make me feel better.

I've struggled with an eating disorder since I was 9 years old.
I didn't realize it was anything like that for many years and once I realized how easily it began, it scared me.

I was officially diagnosed with bulimia and anorexia a few years ago.
They initially put me on Prozac to help with the purging, but it didn't seem to help at all.

I've always been artistically inclined and in therapy I learned to express my emotions through art rather than starvation.
For me, it was never about being thin. It was about dealing with stress. When I was so focused on counting calories and not eating, I didn't have time to think about the emotional distress I was experiencing.

I would frequently purge when I was 9. And at the time, I didn't really understand it as being a problem. It was just something I did.
It really became a problem when I was 17 and was forced to go stay with my older brother while my parents were going through a divorce.
My brother and I get along and I love him, but after a few months there, he started hinting that I needed to find a new place to stay.

I bought my own groceries, but he would complain that my staying there was "depleting" their groceries.
It was alright for his step son to bring 3 of his friends over for weeks at a time and they would eat day and night. His wife would even ask them to stay longer. But me, it became a real problem. He would yell. I couldn't cry in front of him, I was already going through a lot with my parents divorce. And now my brother was turning on me. I felt alone and like I had no one. Everytime he'd yell, I just wanted to disappear. I wanted to be so small that I could just slip through the cracks unnoticed.
I stopped eating. Everyone noticed. I lost 26 pounds in the first 3 weeks.
I would work out from the time I would wake up to the time I went to sleep. My morning started with 200 sit-ups, a 30 minute run and then 2 hours on the exercise bike.
I drank water and 0 cal soda to make me feel full.
I would dance for 30 minutes, then do another 30 minute run.
I didn't like to sit down. It became an obsession. I wanted to see how far I could push myself and I wanted to shed what it meant to be human because I didn't want to feel anymore.

It's been 5 years since my eating disorder got extremely out of hand.
I still have my slip-ups. But I went into recovery a long time ago.

I'm a binge-purge anorexic.

It's been six years.

Six years of hell. Purgatory. Living in my personal Alcatraz.

Physically, I'm better than I used to be. When it first started, I lost twenty-four pounds in three weeks and my weight did a balancing act. I used to purge seven times a day. I used to exercise excessively for two hours a day (unless I passed out before that). My lowest weight was 60 pounds. It hasn't been that bad since I was thirteen. I still restrict and I occasionally purge, but I don't make it a common thing.

Mentally, I'm trashed. All I think about is losing more weight. I'm 105 now, which is pretty damn good for me, but I hate every ounce of it. I exercise and eat healthy foods just like my therapist recommended, but I always feel fat. I hate my body more than anything in the world.

I've thought about going back to my old ways. But sometimes, I actually try to get better, and it almost feels good

Has anyone had any experience with selective eating disorder (SED) I know it's not really spoken about much because they focus on the power terms like anorexia and bulimia but I just wondered if anyone knew anybody with it or has had it?

xx

@ Fortunefeather
There was a British television show, sympathetically titled Freaky Eaters, which focused mainly on SED. I don't think it was particularly educational but that's the only time I've found it in the media. Apparently there was also a later American series.

I know someone who is very obsessive over the food he consumes, though I don't have the ability or the authority to diagnose him with SED (or anything else for that matter). He has the symptoms but appears to be physically healthy and content with his diet, so I don't know if he's an accurate representation of people suffering with the eating disorder.