Writing Realistic Opposite-Gender Characters

  • Syd Barrett.

    Syd Barrett. (100)

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    Do you ever have trouble portraying the opposite gender in your stories?

    Have you ever been told that you portray the opposite gender unrealistically in your stories? Conversely, have you ever been told that you portray the opposite gender very well in your stories, or stumbled across a story that makes you cringe because of its faulty portrayal of the genders?

    For that matter, what do you think the main psychological differences between the genders are? At what point does such discussion become sexist?

    Do you have any tips for people having difficulty portraying either gender realistically in literature?

    General discussion about the topic.

    ---------------------------------

    Myself...I occasionally have trouble with this. I just get this feeling of, "Well, this could be completely unrealistic for a guy to say/do. I have no idea..."

    Oddly enough, I tend to be more uncomfortable portraying female characters than male characters. The female characters are pretty liable to turn into raging Sues.

    So, Mibbians--what are your thoughts on this topic?
    June 18th, 2009 at 07:47pm
  • Kamina

    Kamina (100)

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    I'm horrible at writing female characters. I always end up writing something really stereotypical for the opposite gender; I either write my dream-girl (don'tjudgemeplz), and what I think to be the perfect woman, with only a few minor flaws...(Which is usually the type of girl that would offend some women...>_> )

    Or, the complete opposite, due to my standing as a bitter young guy who's had bad experiences. =P

    I've seen many stories that almost make me cringe. There are so many times that I see males portrayed as females, just with a penis. Granted, I'm guilty of the same butchering for girl-characters, but it's really obvious sometimes that a girl is sort of doing the same; dreaming of what she likes in a guy, or thinks is attractive, and writes that. Or, of course, stereotypical asshole with no real development.
    It bothers me that a lot of people are in denial about this, too. Girls saying 'I like writing guys, cuz it's easier'... (Note: I usually see this more often than guys being comfortable writing females over males, especially in slash writers.)
    ...when in reality, their characters are amazingly unrealistic, and don't differ from other characters at all; be it in attitudes based on gender, or being exactly the same as another character of the same gender.

    So, yehhh.
    June 18th, 2009 at 07:52pm
  • Gibbers

    Gibbers (150)

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    I usually write both genders, but most all my plays, or stories, are set in a futuristic or historical setting, so that gives me a lot of leeway as to how I portray my characters. I love using old fashioned dialog, Shakespearian/Renaissance stuff.
    June 18th, 2009 at 08:24pm
  • anakin

    anakin (100)

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    The guys in my stories are usually feminine losers, so I don't really have a hard time. :D
    June 18th, 2009 at 08:33pm
  • Audrey T

    Audrey T (6730)

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    I have a much easier time writing women, but I've been told that my women a bit masculine, in some ways.

    Writing men, for me, is...interesting. I take a lot of what I know from my roommates (males) and my other male friends and try to incorporate that into any male characters I have. As far as male dialogue, I try not to make all guys sound the same (which a lot of people do). Like some of my male characters are very articulate and others often sound like the typical surfer dude or frat boy. I also try not to make them too macho, simply because most guys aren't like that and even if they are, they aren't like that all the time.

    I think it just comes down to balance and trying to be realistic. The biggest mistake would be trying to make a character be what a guy (or girl) should be, instead of looking at the facts and real life influences.
    June 18th, 2009 at 08:48pm
  • radio with guts.

    radio with guts. (100)

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    Hmmm...

    I don't think gender really matters too much. I think when people say to female writers, "Your male characters are not realistic", they mean, "They don't adhere to the current society's standards of masculinity".
    I'm pretty sure my characters aren't totally two-dimensional, therefore I'm pretty sure my male characters are fine as they are.

    I'm sorta sick of writers thinking the only kind of emotional sensitivity males are allowed to have is the seductive Byronic kind.

    However, I'd like to note that sometimes fanfiction doesn't quite make it to realism.
    Not because the characters aren't fully fleshed-out, or anything... but...
    I find it pretty hard to imagine whole bands full of weepy sentimental guys that like to talk about their horrible issues and childhood traumas and cuddle and comfort each other all the time (punctuated by, y'know, the obligatory spontaneous fucking of course! Naughty .)
    June 18th, 2009 at 10:55pm
  • fen'harel

    fen'harel (560)

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    I have a bit of trouble writing for the opposite's gender point of view... It's difficult because men's and women's brains work different. Men's use more report talking, they just want to get the point across without stessing out too much the whole situation; while girls use rapport talk, in which we always try to bond with the person with whom we're having a conversation with.

    Sometimes it's quite difficult to write in the boy's point of view because you must have in mind that boys don't put their emotions over the table for everyone to see; they just pretty much communicate if they have to... Hence the difficulty on writing male dialogue.
    June 19th, 2009 at 12:08am
  • folie a dru.

    folie a dru. (1270)

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    I have a much easier time writing guys that girls.
    I have three brothers and a dirty mind, so it's not that much of a challenge for me to write boys.
    And ... I hate fictional girl characters for the most part.
    I don't like writing them.
    June 19th, 2009 at 12:13am
  • ThePiesEndure

    ThePiesEndure (115)

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    I like to think even though men don't talk as much as women, they can still sound intelligent and don't just grunt ver beer. So, I always write my male dialogue a little more conversive than might be the case. It still makes sense in my opinion, because I make sure they don't go into flowery/gushy vocab like women do.

    But that's just me.
    June 19th, 2009 at 03:01am
  • chrissie.

    chrissie. (250)

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    Since these days, I mainly write slash, and there's pretty much no girl characters even in the stories, I find it difficult to contrast men against women.
    Like. In my older stories, I always made the women talk more, I always made them...well, slightly dumber? It wasn't on purpose, but it was pointed out to me.
    I don't know. I'm slightly paranoid I'm writing men wrong, now, but I don't know. I spend a lot of time with men. I have guy friends, I have four brothers, but I don't know.
    :XD
    June 19th, 2009 at 05:42am
  • The Way

    The Way (1400)

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    I usually write in guys' POVs, and in the stories that do involve girls--they're nameless. I just find portrayals of girls annoying sometimes.

    I do hate when people make men act like WOMEN. Srsly, even if its a romantic story, guys don't turn into squeeing mushy piles of goo. You still have to retain some male qualities in there.
    June 19th, 2009 at 08:32am
  • fool's paradise

    fool's paradise (1000)

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    ^ I really hate that, actually. When I try to correct the writer and be like, "Uh, hey, that's not how guys act," they get all up in arms with that "who are you to judge how a man should act! he is who he is!" bullshit.

    Okay. Go to your school, or your mall, or college, or workplace or whatever. Pick out a handful of guys, and watch their actions. Do you think they would actually squeal and hug someone and pop their foot upon being given chocolate. Would they openly cry when being 'bullied'? From my observations, that's a no.

    I make a point of observing actions and behaviors of the male sex. I predominately prefer to write males, partially because I like challenging myself, and partially because I take influence from Greek tragedy, which tends to have male protagonists. I think in tragic situations, emotion portrayed by men tends to be a lot more riveting because they just tend to be less emotional, so when it's big...IT'S BIG, unlike women, who (admit it, girls) are more easily prone to crying. I know I cry practically every week, and my best friend, who's a guy, well, I've never seen him cry in my life.

    He also happens to be one of those 'flamboyant' kids. And, he's not the only one I know. I know quite a few of your stereotypical 'bitch please' and 'I like dick' boys. Most only act like women when they're bitchy or gossiping, and I only know very few like that anyway.

    There! Valid proof (if you believe me) that the 'gay kids' are not likely to become sobbing piles of crystalized sugar. Trust me, I do musical theatre.

    :tehe:
    June 19th, 2009 at 09:36pm
  • Kamina

    Kamina (100)

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    ^. I think I love you. >_>
    June 19th, 2009 at 09:39pm
  • fool's paradise

    fool's paradise (1000)

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    ^ Aw, thanks. :arms:

    Sorry, spam. :tehe:
    June 19th, 2009 at 09:58pm
  • radio with guts.

    radio with guts. (100)

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    fool's paradise:
    Okay. Go to your school, or your mall, or college, or workplace or whatever. Pick out a handful of guys, and watch their actions. Do you think they would actually squeal and hug someone and pop their foot upon being given chocolate.
    I know what you mean by that, seen it in a fair few stories.
    Although in my opinion it's just bad characterisation, generally.
    Tbh I think If anyone in real life acted like that, they'd be completely unbearable, male or female.
    :XD
    It just means the writer hasn't thought things through, and thinks maybe it's funny and cute. It never works.
    fool's paradise:
    Would they openly cry when being 'bullied'?
    Yeah, I've seen it happen.
    Guys can be just as sensitive as girls. I mean, yeah, a lot of boys do the whole macho thing and pretend that they never cry at all, but...
    I've known plenty of guys to openly admit to crying to songs and stupid stuff like that.
    It's not uncommon.
    June 19th, 2009 at 11:38pm
  • mackenzie.

    mackenzie. (100)

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    It is ridiculously challenging for me to write mal characters.

    Being female, and being completely socially awkward, I can barely write other girls haha. The only female characters I feel completely comfortable with are the ones I base off of myself.

    For my main male character though, I usually base it off my boyfriend. He is the closest thing I got to 'true man' haha, even if half the stuff he does I dont understand.

    I try though!
    June 20th, 2009 at 12:06am
  • Syd Barrett.

    Syd Barrett. (100)

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    ^ ^ I know what you mean about the socially awkward thing.

    @ Fool's Paradise: Insightful and articulate post! I think I'll check out your work now.

    @ Gurren: Thanks for replying. Yeah, I'm guilty of modeling male characters after my dream guy...fortunately, I haven't posted any stories involving those characters up here. (At least, I hope not. XD)

    @ Gerimus. That's cool. I've always liked sci-fi.

    @ jay!: Yep, that works. XD

    @ Audrey T.: Great advice. Thanks. (Now all I have to do is make some guy friends.)
    radio with guts.:
    I find it pretty hard to imagine whole bands full of weepy sentimental guys that like to talk about their horrible issues and childhood traumas and cuddle and comfort each other all the time (punctuated by, y'know, the obligatory spontaneous fucking of course! Naughty .)
    HAHAHA! I totally agree.

    @ The Way: Yeah, it can be annoying when a female character is just an embodiment of the stereotypical, vastly unrealistic concept of what a woman or girl ought to be. (Unless I missed your point...)

    @ Dru: Interesting. In a sense, I share your sentiments about female characters, but maybe that's because I just haven't written much, period, and could use more experience.

    Thank you very much for the input, guys! :D
    June 20th, 2009 at 12:54am
  • fool's paradise

    fool's paradise (1000)

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    radio with guts.:
    Yeah, I've seen it happen.
    Guys can be just as sensitive as girls. I mean, yeah, a lot of boys do the whole macho thing and pretend that they never cry at all, but...
    I've known plenty of guys to openly admit to crying to songs and stupid stuff like that.
    It's not uncommon.
    Sorry if it was worded wrong, but I meant in public. Songs and stuff is something you'd do privately, but if someone's in the cafeteria and someone goes, "Hey, emo kid, go die," he'd most likely go home and sob in his pillow rather than his PB&J.
    June 20th, 2009 at 02:51am
  • Kataclysmical

    Kataclysmical (355)

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    I actually believe that I portray males very well in my story although I'm not sure why and if I do say so myself, I also portray my own gender just as well. It's natural to me. My friend was reading one of my male on male sex stories and he said that it was almost like I had asked a male what he would do during sex but it was funny, because I didn't.

    I also have came across stories that made me cringe to the point where I just couldn't read them anymore. Some people stereotype the genders to the point where it's absolutely ridiculous. People also tend to stereotype all "emos" to hating preps and everyone who loves Hollister and that, let me tell you, is very annoying.
    June 20th, 2009 at 03:01am
  • ThePiesEndure

    ThePiesEndure (115)

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    In my story To Assassinate an Angel...I think I fall victim to turning my males into females wit penises...lol
    June 20th, 2009 at 07:14am