Corrupt A Wish!

Granted, but your genie only appears during a blue moon

I wish my cat would show me some love

Granted but your cat only shows you love if you have catnip nearby.

I wish I wasn't so tired.

Granted but now you’re always awake!

I wish I could go to Disneyland right about now

Granted but you work there instead of being able to enjoy a visit there.

I wish I had powers like a superhero.

Sure, but they'd only work during the Winter and Summer solstice.

I wish I could sing properly!

Granted but the only songs you can sing are Jonas Brothers songs.

I wish I was a dog.

Granted! But your owner is the overbearing kind that makes you wish you were human instead!

I wish I could dissapear whenever I want to!

Granted but every time you disappear you end up stuck in limbo for a minimum of 24 hours.

I wish my mouth wasn't numb anymore.

Granted, but now it's constantly overstimulated and you can feel and taste everything acutely with no reprieve.

I wish my car had already had its service.

Granted! But you can’t start it for 48 hrs.

I wish I could go out to eat tonight

Granted, but you can never go out to eat ever again.

I wish I was fluent in German already

Granted, but you can never speak another language again.

I wish I had enough money to move out.

Granted! But you will live in the place you move to for the rest of your life and can never move out ever again.

I wish I could have a beach day

Granted, but sand gets stuck in your bikini bottoms and you can never get it out.

I wish I didn't have to drive

Granted! But now you have to fly everywhere any time you need anything: you have to board a plane and fly somewhere eight hours away even for something as simple as milk.

I wish I had some Hot Cheetos chips right now!

Granted, but they're so spicy they burn a hole through your tongue.

I wish my uni work would do itself.

Granted but it doesn't do a very good job and you fail all your classes.

I wish I had someone to go with me to a concert tomorrow.

Granted, but it's your greatest enemy and you have to spend the whole night listening to them talk utter bollocks.

I wish paprika crisps were readily available in the UK.

Granted but now they are the only food product available in the UK

I wish my family kept the house in a somewhat clean state

^ I could live with that, not gonna lie

---

Granted, but if they leave even a tiny bit of mess they are covered in green gunk that falls from the ceiling.

I wish I was good at making signatures.