Poem Comment Thread

  • sunset boulevard

    sunset boulevard (185)

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    A Tribute to the Lost
    February 25th, 2011 at 08:29pm
  • Faryn_and_Adalia

    Faryn_and_Adalia (100)

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    The Writer
    March 20th, 2011 at 12:51am
  • floe239

    floe239 (100)

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    Really like it. Very descriptive and far from the style I tend to write. You took a topic and delved very deeply into it. It's very close to all of our hearts since many of us, writing is our passion. Great work.

    Why God Should Hate Me
    March 20th, 2011 at 03:17am
  • Natalie!!

    Natalie!! (250)

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    That was... beautiful. I honestly don't have the words to say how that made me feel. I literally almost cried, it's just so sad and... beautiful. It kinda makes you think, I sure know I'm thinking now. Even if people don't have the same problem as the boy in the poem, everyone feels like they may have experienced so deep a pain that they can't go on. EXCELLENT, relatable, beautiful work. Clap

    But Now That You Need Me?
    May 16th, 2011 at 10:53pm
  • FallingGracefully

    FallingGracefully (100)

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    I tend to like poems with stanzas because I'm able to see them better in my head. It's just a personal preference though. In a word document I arranged your poem into stanzas. First 6 stanzas of three, then 2 of 4 and then your last line.

    Criticism- *cuz to cause. In the 5th stanza your change in the rhyme scheme threw me off. I want more adjectives. And I want the opening to be more impacting.

    Compliments- I honestly had a really hard time finding anything to criticize on this poem. I love the ending, and the story. And the flow is great. It really is a great poem. I like the "selfish rain" and "slick grin" that's the kind of adjectives I want more of. It's still an amazing poem. Great job.


    Long Live the Weeds*

    *Please be as critical as you wish
    May 29th, 2011 at 06:28pm
  • DesmondTiny

    DesmondTiny (100)

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    The many pieces of Destiny :)
    June 13th, 2011 at 01:57am
  • Dots

    Dots (100)

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    Counting blocks on the ceiling.
    June 19th, 2011 at 04:50pm
  • Ayana Sioux

    Ayana Sioux (1175)

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    Emtionally Damaged Race
    Please comment on the title choice also.
    July 9th, 2011 at 02:24am
  • DarkestStorm

    DarkestStorm (335)

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    "I like this, it seems really powerful, especially the beginning and ending lines.
    I would put "It seeped…" and the rest of the poem in it's own stanza.
    "In the fourth line I would put "the" before truth instead of that.
    And put "for" at the beginning of the next line.
    In the sixth line. I think "on to" should be one word.
    Same thing with "and""

    Please comment on "Dark Side Of The Moon".
    July 10th, 2011 at 07:23am
  • Katie_Bugg

    Katie_Bugg (100)

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    Is this talking about Heaven? Did I get that right?

    I liked it. There were a few errors (hop instead of hope and un heard instead of unheard) but other wise the grammar and spelling was pretty good.

    Your stanzas need to be combined in a few places. In the beginning you would rhyme your last word of each stanza and if combined that would be more of a rhyme poem. It's a well done poem, don't get me wrong, but I think it would be better if the stanzas were combined in some places.

    It says:

    "Can we dream
    of an unknown world
    better than our own?"


    I don't like that part because we know we dream of that, even if someone doesn't believe there is, they at least dream of it. To me this really messes with the poem, like it changes the topic and I don't like that.

    Instead, maybe you should get rid of the "can" and just leave the rest.

    "Serenity rules the land
    and an oasis is only known?"


    I don't really like that, the last half after "and" specifically. To me, it sounds funny and a little off.

    I like this poem but to me some of the phrases don't really make sense.

    Also, after about two stanzas your rhyme just fell of and changed. I didn't like that. It should either not rhyme or rhyme.

    Your stanzas also changed from three to four lines about a quarter way through and I just didn't like that.

    I liked the idea and word choices of your poem but the structure and some of the phrases just didn't seem the right choice to me.
    Please comment on: Sleep
    September 11th, 2011 at 05:24pm
  • VeiledInsanity

    VeiledInsanity (150)

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    This is a really good poem with good emotional depth and level to it. I enjoyed reading it and think once you touch it up it will be amazing! I like the way you use rhyme all throughout the poem and don’t just randomly stop, it also fit the poem quite well; some poems just don’t suit the use of rhyme. The one thing I did notice with the poem is that it seems a bit limited in vocabulary. While this poem doesn’t suit a huge verbose variety of diction, you could still spice it up a bit. Use a thesaurus if you need to. I found that line nineteen and twenty didn’t really make any sense. “I quit curt. It lost all it's charm.” Also the “it’s” should be “its.” But all in all a very good poem, with unique ideas and imagery while being spiced with the current of emotion that lies beneath it all. Good job!
    Please review Sweetened with Folly for me :)
    September 14th, 2011 at 11:14pm
  • PrinceNemo

    PrinceNemo (100)

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    Interesting topic. I liked your repetition and format. However I was reccomend more interesting word choices in the future. A theasurus can be a very valuable tool. For example I feel the section " Too Angry. Too Happy. Too Sad." could have been improved with words like irrate, joyful, despondent, etc. It's an interesting topic, but I feel like you could've gone further with your descriptions, which sound a bit overused. Could you be a bit more definitive about the topic? Could you find new ways to explore the situation that is actually pretty commonly found in poetry? Also, strong imagery is really helpful when you're working with a format as short and concise as poetry. A couple words could be cut out, and if you use unconventional words, it creates a stronger image for the reader to enjoy, therefore making your poem stand out more. Plus, you may want to check out the Mibba posting rules, because it’s against the website’s rules to post poetry (or stories, or forum posts) with grammar discrepancies, such as capitalizing extra letters, like in “Too Angry. Too Happy. Too Sad.” P.S The word emission holds odd connotations that you may want to avoid for future postings.
    Blackbird
    January 29th, 2012 at 09:38pm
  • imbalance

    imbalance (100)

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    This was pretty good, but there are some bits that need a little work. I liked the words you used and the rhymes, except for in stanza 4 and 5. The words ‘bird’ and ‘endure’ and the words ‘blur’ and ‘sure’ don’t rhyme. But that could just be how I say those words. It didn’t exactly flow well but it wasn’t so bad. I liked the story and I especially liked stanza 2 and the ending. It was sweet. It’s also original; I don’t think I’ve read anything about the same subject, and I love that! This was a lovely poem, only needing a bit of editing, in my opinion anyway.

    The secrets of mistaken identity
    February 1st, 2012 at 08:16am
  • VeiledInsanity

    VeiledInsanity (150)

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    Wow I have to say this poem is really amazing and quite unique. I've read poems of this similar style of poetry but still nothing quite like this. With both your word choice mixed with the way you placed things really made this poem something interesting and wonderful to read.

    Some of my few critiques though are that some of the lines seemed a bit unnecessary or if they did fit the poem, they way you placed them didn't. I know it can be hard with this poem, placing everything just right (Especially with how hard it can be to code a poem like this :P) But I really feel that if you got rid of some things/moved a few words around this poem would be even more impacting than it already is.

    Grammar, I'm not a grammar nazi or anything and am happy as long as it's readable and if you choose to ignore some rules for style, that's perfectly okay :) I did find a few places where commas would have really added a sense of flow and made this easier to read but they were so few and far between that it isn't a major worry.

    The one thing that you should do is fix the title of the poem. The way you've put it up goes against mibba rules, from what I know, it should be like this. "The Secrets of Mistaken Identity"

    What I really have to compliment in this poem is your word choice. While you didn't necessarily send me running to my dictionary from an overuse of a thesaurus, you instead seemed to use common words but mixed them up enough that the word choice seemed to be lacking. I really have nothing but praise for this category since it can be really hard to find that perfect balance between wordy and understandable.

    Honestly this poem was really difficult for me to critique because I really enjoyed reading it. with the structure giving a visual side to the poetry coupled with your word choice and the current of emotions you had pushing until the very end. Well, that doesn't leave a lot to complain/critique about. Anyways, hopefully you find my suggestions helpful, but really all in all I just want to say, good job :)
    She Wanders
    February 6th, 2012 at 04:57pm
  • Haikeru

    Haikeru (100)

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    You've worded it very good, I like the perspectives and the poetic flow.
    You've done a good job on this one and I've read it with pleasure,
    I'm not a real fan of this style of poetry to be honest, but still this poem got a certain read appealing, so it kept me reading :)
    There also are some real good lines in it, and I really hope that you will continue writing more!

    When I read this poem, I kind of noticed a sad embrace around it, but sad poetry is also good! And poetry is also meant to express yourself; and you've done it pretty well; even thougtt it might have not been your meaning to express it on a sad was, as long as the reader get's an emotion out of it, it's really done well!

    More than a dream.
    February 19th, 2012 at 02:53pm
  • FixTheBrokenPieces

    FixTheBrokenPieces (100)

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    This is probably one of the best poems I have read on MIbba, not only because it is so different than everything else but also because it isn't so much about an emotion but it has so much depth and imagery. I love how you switch between past and present tense and how you keep bringing back the en-darkened forest. I think this is very unique and although it is eerie I definitely plan on reading more of your writing. You did a great job on this!

    Silence is Golden
    July 1st, 2013 at 08:08pm
  • cruciatus.

    cruciatus. (455)

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    This poem really hit me as I was reading the first stanza. I think it's a very powerful piece. I don't know if you were writing about the things I think you were writing about, but I took it to be about an absentee parent or someone along those lines, and that's why it reverberated with me. It really drew me in and it really made me think. I think the way you separated some of the wording was fantastic; the way I read it in my mind just...wow. It blew me away with how much strength just a few short words can say. You've shown a perfect example of how a poet or author, or any word artist doesn't need a lot of words to say something big and powerful with a lot of meaning behind what they've written. Fantastic job.

    The Edge of September
    July 16th, 2013 at 05:52am
  • fairyfeller

    fairyfeller (1655)

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    This poem is really heartbreaking (particularly the last verse) and you've done an amazing job at evoking the pain of losing a loved one. The language used definitely makes the piece very powerful, and the references to memories help convey the grief. And I really love the vivid language you use here; it really helps picture they way your friendship developed, and adds to the sadness.

    My only criticism is that some of the rhymes are a little off, (particularly gone/drawn in the first verse). But other than that, I think this piece is very well-written, and you've done a great job with it.
    Blank
    March 31st, 2015 at 03:19am
  • silent hearts.

    silent hearts. (1050)

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    "This is an incredible poem. I like how personal it is with the inclusion of the effects on sleep and motivation and self-image. My favorite line is probably, "but these days I’m lucky if I can write five fucking words
    without deleting them." In it's very literal sense, writer's block is so intense that it can feel like that's your whole life - that every time you do something, you end up wanting to erase or change it.

    I like that you don't just blame a lack of motivation. People get so uppity, like, "Well, my muse is just missing right now!" And it makes me angry. Sometimes writing is just hard!

    I totally relate to most of the feelings that you express here. But if it means anything to you at all, I think this poem is certainly evidence against you having a lack of skill or talent. I hope it all gets easier for you!"

    Unbreakable.
    July 5th, 2015 at 08:11am
  • maudaah

    maudaah (215)

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    This a really beautiful poem! Maybe I'm wrong, but I feel like this is so personal to you, that it is how you actually feel. And I really love poems like these. I love to feel the author's emotions, try to understand them and relate to them in some way. And you did that just well. I can relate to the ''protagonist'' of this poem. How you talk about memories, music and not wanting to forget that one person...yeah that is me in every single way. My favorite lines of this poems are People keep saying that time And I will heal but Secretely I don't want To Heal... You are an amazing writer and this piece is simply perfect in every single way.
    Little Girl
    July 18th, 2015 at 12:42am