Mental Abuse

My mother mentally abuses her children.
I am not so sure if she has always been this way, but the last couple years I have come to realize that what she has been doing is wrong.
When I was younger I dismissed her snide remarks and the way she would handle things, by thinking, well that's just mom. But when I turned 16 and began dating the same sex, I realized that it was much worse than that. Coming out opened my eyes to my family, especially my mom.

My mom always looked like a nice person and to everyone in the outside world, she is. To her friends, her kids are just being kids and my mom is trying the best she can to deal with that. But her words are hurtful to us kids. She complains all the time about how unruly we are how we never listen. When honestly, we barely do anything. My whole teenaged years were spent at home, cleaning the house and watching the kids while she sits on her laptop. I got so used to my mom telling me no about going out with friends, that I ended up saying no before I even asked her.

We moved in with my step-dad and his daughter when she was 5. I am not so sure why my mom resents her, but from that time up until now, they have hated each other. My mom continues to get her in trouble and tells her she is ugly, fat, a whore, and is too conceited. My step sister is now 16 and couldn't care less about what my mom has to say now, because it doesn't matter what she does, she will get in trouble anyways. At the moment, she is sick and the first thing out of my mom's mouth is "Are you pregnant?" And then she makes my step sister go and get an Ultra Sound. All the while, she doesn't tell my step-dad anything. She makes it look like my step sister is the one who is the trouble maker, and to a degree that is true, but it wouldn't be like that if my mom didn't have that resentment for her. My mom has also grounded her for petty reasons and has been physical many times.

My brother is now 17 and he is so brainwashed by my mom that he does whatever she tells him to. He doesn't hesitate to get any of us in trouble, it's just so he can look good to my mom. Because if he can look good to my mom, she won't be mean to him. And when she is, he comes to my crying. My step dad has taken a part into it too. My brother is very sensitive and my step dad is very rough on him. Including resulting to violence when my brother doesn't listen.

My little sister has just started Junior High and she has told me on multiple occasions that she has thought about committing suicide. She gets in trouble for nothing and my mom never listens to her. My step dad calls her a liar all the time and belittles her so she feels bad about herself. My mom doesn't stop him so she feels like she has no one else to turn to. Except me. I tried to stand up for her to my mom and step dad one time when a lamp fell on my sister and cut her arm very bad. My mom just said, "I don't want to hear it." I told them that she was very hurt and they hurt her feelings. My step dad said "Oh so you are trying to tell me how to raise my children now?" My mom would sit on the couch with me and turn to me asking me "Do you want to watch Emily cry?" And then she would call my sister in and tell her something mean, laughing as she cried. She did the same thing with my brother and step sister many times as well. My mom makes us do dishes every night and that isn't a bad thing, but if she is in a bad mood, she will say we didn't get it clean enough and make us do all the dishes in the house, including the clean ones. She also makes us pick up after her and put away her clothes. I have to do all 8 of our laundry too.

I also have a twin brother and sister that are 4 and I have practically raised them. I have even been asked if they were mine by outsiders. My mom tries to take all the credit. I gave them baths, put them to sleep, and gave them food. While once again, she is on her computer.

When I came out of the closet to my mom, she didn't seem to have that big of a problem at first. And I had asked her to promise me not to tell my step dad. I wanted to do it. She said fine and then when he came home, she hurried into their bedroom and closed the door to tell him. I overheard them and busted into the room and she just laughed. She enjoyed hurting my feelings. Over the next year, my life was hell. They took all electronics from me. I was grounded completely for the next 2 years. They moved my step sister into my bedroom and made me sleep on the couch. They even tried to make me pay rent but because I kept going into work crying, I got fired so I couldn't pay it. And even when I had a job, I still wouldn't be able to pay for it because I had to buy everything for myself. Because I had money, she thought she didn't have to pay for me anymore and then she took money without me knowing as well. They monitored everything I did to make sure I wasn't in communication with my girlfriend and belittled me in the process. My mom threatened to put me in a mental hospital and turned my whole family against me before I could even tell anyone. So that's a loss cause. Every time she does something good to me, like say she is going to pay for my senior stuff and my prom dress, she throws it back in my face like I owe her.

I have stood up for my mom many times while growing up, including with my biological father, who physically abused us before we left him. But when my step dad grabbed me and threw me down on the floor and dragged me through the house, and then bashed my head into the bathroom door many times, all my mom said was that he didn't deserve to get his glasses knocked off and scratches on his face. It severely hurt me.

All of us want to move out of the house and it's not good because we don't have any long term goals. Like me, I obviously am the first one to move out and I moved in with my grandma. She sees through my mom's crap and she helped me get on my feet. Because she took me in, she has a rocky relationship with the family now and they have threatened to keep the rest of the kids from her because of it. My brother is now ready to move out and he is trying to move as well. I am deeply afraid my step sister is going to get into drugs and get pregnant because she is so depressed. And I don't want anything to happen to my sister. And because i am now living with my girlfriend, I can't even talk to my siblings because apparently i am a 'bad influence." And I don't want the twins thinking that i am a bad person because they say I am. She even took me off health insurance and so I have infected teeth that need to come out. I have no money to get health insurance and so I am screwed.

I don't know what to do about my mom, I just hope that my siblings are going to be okay enough to make it through.

Oh and I am having terrible anxiety filled nightmares about my mom even though i have moved out. I am really trying to get a counselor so I can move on....

I hate how my dad treats me. I remember I used to pray for him to love me in church... Didn't do much for me. I remember I used to wish he would hit just so I could know that he was actually aware that I lived in the same house as him... But the thing that hurts most, is that he won't own up to his mistakes. He doesn't think he did anything wrong. That is the farthest thing from the truth.

I have a very weak self esteem in the first place and I am very easily intimidated.
From grade 4 to about a quarter way into grade 9 I was bullied mentally.
What hurt the most was that people would twist my words, telling me that I was simply crazy and should maybe "get some help" the irony of it all was hard too believe.
The next thing that hurt me was that they (the people I asked for help) told me to simply "grow some backbone" because they did not want to be bothered.
It's not like I wanted those bullies to get in trouble, I was losing myself. And I knew I was going to do something horrible to myself that I wouldn't be able to undo. I was asking for help so that someone could save me... but nobody wanted to listen to me.
I kind of locked myself up after that, I was litterally a mute acting like everything was ok when I was thinking of harming myself. I became bulimic, depressed and a whole other bunch of stuff. But this year I've been getting help... this one girl saved me... and she has never let me go ever since she found out about me and my past.
I still have flashbacks of what happened over those years, but I want to help people who were like me. And I want to show people that mental abuse is just like any type of abuse and that it shouldn't be ignored.

My grandma mentally abused me from the time I was sixteen up until a couple of months ago. She would tell my parents lies behind my back, such as my "doing drugs for money" and "having sex for money", and would even lie and say those things to me to my face. We'd always get into screaming matches, and it got to the point where she would lie to my parents about one another and it almost drove my parents to divorce. Then she would go and write to her sister (mum's aunt) and her mother (mum's grandma) and tell them that we're abusing her and not letting her eat and use the toilet.

It all stopped when my parents moved her out of our house a couple of months ago. We couldn't keep going on like this.

Now she's trying to repair the relationship that she had with me; I'm trying to be civil, but I'm not sure if I should go for it. Like, my trust has been so broken with her that I'm not sure if I'm able to repair it and forgive and forget anymore.

Alexander Bernadotte:

My grandma mentally abused me from the time I was sixteen up until a couple of months ago. She would tell my parents lies behind my back, such as my "doing drugs for money" and "having sex for money", and would even lie and say those things to me to my face. We'd always get into screaming matches, and it got to the point where she would lie to my parents about one another and it almost drove my parents to divorce. Then she would go and write to her sister (mum's aunt) and her mother (mum's grandma) and tell them that we're abusing her and not letting her eat and use the toilet.

It all stopped when my parents moved her out of our house a couple of months ago. We couldn't keep going on like this.

Now she's trying to repair the relationship that she had with me; I'm trying to be civil, but I'm not sure if I should go for it. Like, my trust has been so broken with her that I'm not sure if I'm able to repair it and forgive and forget anymore.

Your grandma seriously sounds like she has some mental illness. That isn't "normal" or "healthy" by any means. I wouldn't blame you if you decide to not "patch things up," because she pretty much destroyed your immediately family from the inside out. That's terrible, and having a possible-mental illness is NO excuse for the damage she caused you and your parents. I'm so sorry you had to go through with that; once again, if you decide to not forgive and forget, don't feel guilty about it; your grandma would most likely do it again if she had the chance. She's only sorry because she got caught up in her lies.

I've been mentally abused by my dad my whole life. My peers have bullied me mentally also.

It's wrong. I feel like in a way it's worse than physical because it leaves behind scars that the eye cannot see.

I've never been mentally abused by my parents, but I think it's safe to say that I have been slightly by my peers growing up. They would always make fun of my birthmark. But I don't think of it as abuse because I never thought differently about my birthmark and I never wanted to get rid of it, but some might disagree with me not considering it mental abuse because it did hurt my feelings sometimes. People made fun of my eyes too because when I was younger, I would always look at someone without focusing my eyes so they'd think I was cockeyed. Those were the main things people would make fun of. But that just might be more bullying that actual mental abuse.

Alicara:

My dad also mentally abuses me. :/ Even though my dad says that he is more proud of me than my brother, I always see that he is more proud of my brother than he is with me.

You know what? I'm going to tell you something right now. He says directly to your face he is more proud of you than your brother, yet seems like the opposite, correct? Your wrong. He actually purposely seems that way because your brother needs it more. Your brother's so pathetic that he probably feels guilty and sorry. He doesn't seem that proud of you because he knows you already know you're the stronger one in the family. He knows you don't need it as much as your brother because you don't need petty compliments to feel good about yourself. He knows you'll grow up better than your better than your brother and he needs compliments to feel 'proud'. You don't need compliments because you are already going to grow up better. He needs compliments because he's probably going to have a sad life after his teens.

I'm getting mentally abused by my mom, she keeps saying horrible things to me like she hates me, I'm worthless and she's deeply ashamed to have a daughter like me, she is even making me bad in front of other people. Like I thought a mother should support her own flesh and blood and not make her look like a mistake, which by the way she's calling me too, how lovely...

And yeah, I think mental abuse is worse then physical abuse, I suffered from both, or tbh still do, it is the scars you don't see that hurt the most.

I was twelve when I was mentally abused by my step-father. He would always call me names, such as "retard", "turd", or anything that's similar to the word "stupid". My mom kept telling me to ignore him, but it was very hard. I was twelve, and very sensitive to things such as this. It was common to run to my room crying because of the things he'd say to me. Simultaneously, I was being picked on at school as well, so my life was pretty much hell during that point.

Things eventually got worse. He would go into my photo album and write next to pictures of me "retard" or "the big R". He would write on my bed stand "retard". I showed these to my mom, but she continued to tell me to ignore him. I had to hide my photo album in my dirty clothes hamper so he couldn't find it and write other nasty things in there. I felt humiliated every time I'd hear the word "retard" falling out of him mouth.

If I forgot to do a certain chore, he'd threaten me. If I forgot to clean my room, he'd trash it even more and then force me to clean it up. I started being around my mother even more because that's the only time I felt safe. He started making fun of me for that, as well. Once, he told my mom "If we split up, it'll be her fault!" Meaning me, of course.

He also put stupid restrictions on me. No going into the kitchen after six o'clock. No phone calls lasting more than five minutes. No going on his TV. It got worse and worse.

A couple weeks after my thirteenth birthday, he snapped and hurt my mom. She ran to the neighbors house and called the police. He ran. We moved out that night. He's in prison now, but it won't be long until he's out.

I hate how most people I've encountered don't seem to believe in mental, emotional, or verbal abuse. After all, they say, How can words be harmful? When in all reality, I think many people just deny it exists just because they don't want to believe that words can be a source more pain than actions. In reality, it does exist, more than most people care to admit.

Until eighth grade, I was emotionally abused by my dad. He always hated something about me, and always found something to hate. He told me that I was fat, told me that I had way too many zits and was ugly. When I thought I was doing well in guitar lessons--"What do you think you are, a f-cking prodigy? You're not special or anything so stop thinking you are."

So I quit guitar and haven't touched one since. In fact, I quit every instrument I ever attempted, and to be honest it was often because of his degrading comments. I am now a straight-A student, but when I lived with him I got B's at best, and usually C's. As for physical, he usually threw the TV remote at me and when I was younger, he would spank me until I had bruises that would hurt for weeks (but as I've heard, that happens to a lot of people). He got so angry with me one time he beat down my bedroom's door--which was locked, I might add.

And then he invited an old friend to live with us. Well, she happened to have a two-year-old son. My dad neglected me after that and spent every moment he could with the kid. It's really painful to know that if I had been a boy, he probably never would have abused me. I wish I had had a brother, so that he would have neglected me a lot sooner. He now insists that I imagined all of it. I don't think he accepts my psychological diagnoses either. I was forced to live in a basement with black mold in the basement's worst room while that freaking guest and her perfect son got the rooms with carpet that didn't flood. My dad's gotten a little--little, mind you--better, since he got put in a sort of mental hospital for a weekend after he was threatening to kill himself.

I'm on the verge of tears now, so I'll stop with him.

I was also bullied, I guess you could say. In third grade, my friend and I held hands a lot. We didn't even know what the word 'gay' meant; we were just friends who liked to hold hands, and we were tortured for it. Again, I didn't even understand why at the time.

People went through my locker in fifth grade and put blue powder in my gloves so that when I pulled my hands out, they were blue. In seventh grade they all ganged up on a few other people--friends, I guess?--I knew and I. This elitist group, headed by the perfect principal's daughter, would insult us (mainly me and the special education kids, as well as a few others), but I could never fight back or I would get in trouble, because the teachers would never believe me (except my awesome English teacher). Again in seventh grade, they made fun of any girl who had gotten her period by then (it wasn't extremely bad for me), including a friend of mine--they would stick pads on her gym locker.

Anyway, I gained a lot of weight that year. I won't go into further details; I could fill a book with the things they did, but I will say that I came home crying every day and had an entire notebook with scribblings that said things like 'I HATE SCHOOL.' I can't believe I was able to type any of that without shaking violently and bursting to tears...go me, I guess.