Claimed
Chapters 1 and 2, por favor :]
(ignore the general layout, I'm not good at making them)
Chalk Drawings in the Rain
- review:
- Layout
The layout is really well done, and I love the picture. The only thing that I’m kind of iffy about is the title being in blue since it doesn’t really match the rest of the layout. You also don’t need the period after the story title. Other than that, I like it a lot.
Summary
It sets up the plot well, but I’m slightly confused. Where exactly has she been, and why do they decide that she can come back from wherever she was? At first it seems like she ran away, but then it got me thinking that maybe she was in a mental institution or something. It’s just somewhat unclear, but maybe that’s just me being my normal confused self. Aside from that, the summary is really well-written and makes me want to read more.
Chapter One
I really love your word choice, for starters. The way you describe the scene paints a really good picture as to where she is. You really have a way with words :] “I shut the door behind me with an abruptly, soft footsteps echoing as I roamed through my empty house.” For this sentence, you wouldn’t say ‘with an abruptly’, you would just say ‘I shut the door behind me abruptly’. Also, it might make it easier for people to read the chapters if you put an extra line of space in between paragraphs.
I love the way that you describe the rooms and the little descriptions, like the one of the note on the refrigerator. It’s simple and I just really like it for some reason. Maybe I’m just weird like that :p I really want to know what happened to her sister, too! Ohh, so they sent Juliet away! I get it now. Oh, and I really like her name, by the way. Her mom seems very sluttish. I don’t like her very much, but now I want to keep on reading!
Overall, I really love your wording and description of everything. The way you explained how everything in the rooms looked and how her mother looked really made it possible to visualize everything. Your style of writing is really enjoyable and I honestly can't wait to read more! You're really talented :]
Chapters 1 and 2, por favor :]
(ignore the general layout, I'm not good at making them)
May 30th, 2011 at 04:11am