^Claimed. Done.
Please and thank you.
Sided Lover.
- desilu.:
- Story/Review Game.
Okay, I like the layout but the photo . . . is that a wallet? And I love the summary (:, at first I did think of a demon but soon afterwards I thought of [as I read the couldn’t, wouldn’t, should] I thought of some type of lust and sexual activity . . .
love me, love -> Love Me, Love Me.
Maybe?
So, the opener was like “what?” I personally think when you use “and” to start off a short story like that, it, to me, feels extremely incorrect. Because it sounds as if you’re trying to continue on with something where you left off, and it sounds weird just seeing it there . . .
Loony bin sounds sarcastic and not as serious.
But she wasn’t, it was there. She could see it, touch it, feel it writhe under her skin and devour her frame. Burrow into her scalp and consume the decay she had become. Slither into the cavities of her mind and gorge on her sanity.
I love that entire paragraph, the way you use the vocabulary and the way you use the words, you give what some other writer could write the same thing, and you give this more of an accurate and honest feel to it—almost like you make the reader in a way become the character.
I love the way you write, it’s very enticing and you use words in this that I envy, because you use words I could never think of placing in one of my stories. And the way you use the words again, imagery—very descriptive and powerful imagery. But then . . . there are moments when it feels like an ongoing storm. Because you have so much of the imagery that it almost all runs together, there is no subtle pause.
But then again, you need no pause because the way you right is lucid—it all flows together smoothly.
Okay, I read on and I think maybe I miss a part but . . . wasn’t she in a mental institute and if she were, shouldn’t she have been in a straight jacket? Or is she thinking of memories . . . while resurfaces? And the demon is male . . . I shall read on before I make further judgment (:.
Knew it! I knew it! So it’s an outer demon, and the thing she feels inside is rage?
“And what did she get? A fucking slut in her bed!”
That honestly does kill the flow I believe, I mean the question didn’t, but after it . . . it seemed to disrupt the flow ):
Well, obviously, in order for me to get this I must go read the Devil’s Diary. But! Overall, I really did like it. There were parts where the flow sorta got lost, but always after those moments, the flow would pick up. Overall, I really liked it (:.
Please and thank you.
July 9th, 2010 at 11:54pm