Snivellus
- Quote
- My first impression of this basically turned on the banner. I love the font you've chosen and the photographs you've merged. In terms of the rest of the layout, the background is a little distracting, and the border and content area are a little plain, but overall it isn't too bad.
You haven't got a very long summary, which is strange to me. There's no real way for me to know what to expect from this story, except for your visual clues. I'm guessing at this stage that it's a Hunger Games fanfic, just judging from the word 'district.' In your summary, the most interesting thing, I think, is the way you have already drawn a distinction of gender between your prospective characters, just through use of the male and female signs. Does this mean a boy and a girl will be going head to head?
In terms of your actual chapters, your description is strong. I like the way you open with an image, through your reference to 'painting the sky'. This has me immediately interested- I normally wouldn't read a story without strong imagery. I haven't read the Hunger Games series, so I can't comment on how well your fic links in with the cannon, but you also seem to have established a plot in the first chapter, which gives your story some direction. The only thing I would really recommend in terms of your first chapter is condensing some of your floating sentences into bigger paragraphs. At present, your writing looks a little fractured.
The second and third chapters again begin solidly, and contain nice images and fully fleshed out dialogue. I didn't find any errors in terms of spelling and grammar, so substantively, I'm judging this story to be good. It's not the kind of thing I would ordinarily read, but I think it will find a popular following.
Best of luck with your writing!
November 18th, 2012 at 10:03am