Comment the Summary

  • TheRibbonOnMyWrist

    TheRibbonOnMyWrist (500)

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    TheRibbonOnMyWrist:
    I got so excited when I saw you post The Macabre Tales in this thread because your summary for this was hugely impressive to me. I feel like I may even have already told you I stumbled upon this story while brushing my teeth. I was so impressed by the poem, I had to bookmark it and read it later when I could really sit down with it and pay attention. I have to pay close attention to all of your writing, because it’s very detailed and involved, but it’s beautiful, so it’s most definitely worth the time spent.

    The paragraph portion of the summary is pretty straightforward, though it does give the impression that the story itself is not so cut and dry. The combination of psychic visions, stroke of midnight stories, and an old, secret-riddled mansion—not to mention an unusual love story with the potential to be more of a nightmare than a dream—promises a good, twisting plot. That in and of itself had me hooked, but the poem really grabbed my attention.

    For starters, I love that it’s a letter. That’s such a cool touch. A letter written in meter. I’m struggling for words here, it was so good. It really does set the scene and tone. I’m totally buying into the dark, dusty manor on the edge of a cliff crumbling into the sea. I remember reading a comment somewhere that said something about not using such a long quote from a poem in your summary. That may be the biggest compliment you can get. I read far worse from published poets, and I remain flabbergasted that such talent resides on little old mibba. Glancing over the poem the first time, I was a little iffy with all the rhymes, but you do it so well. I wouldn’t change a thing. It’s perfect.

    I am appalled to say that I have fallen behind in your updates (who uses there e-mail nowadays??—show of hands!), but I will absolutely post a lengthy comment as soon as I’m caught up! This has become my favorite story on mibba. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DO NOT LEAVE IT HALF FINISHED.
    Shattered Postcards
    January 6th, 2012 at 06:42am
  • hellobeautiful

    hellobeautiful (100)

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    First of all, I’m in love with the name Jacey. I’ve never actually met someone with that particular name, but it would be cool if I did. Secondly, your summary is very to the point and uncomplicated which is great because it doesn’t give too much away. You have just enough background information to keep the readers informed but interested. You also did a great job giving readers something to look forward to when you mentioned her stumbling into an unlikely friendship with Oliver. Just from the first paragraph, I can tell that Jacey is in for a bumpy ride.
    Please comment on Never Let Me Go
    Thank you so much!
    January 7th, 2012 at 07:11am
  • spacejunkie

    spacejunkie (100)

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    Since the text part of your summary is short, I'm going to comment on your whole summary page, including the layout.

    Firstly, I get the impression that this story is going to be lovely, but possibly also sad. It might be a bit poignant, and heartbreaking at points, but I hope it's also a bit fuzzy-feeling. The combination of your chosen words and the picture make me think it will emotional. It will probably involve a fair bit of character development, which I personally think is promising. Your choice of pink for the background also contributes to this. I think you've done your layout effectively, so that it helps rather than hinders the story.

    As for your actual words, I like the fact that your summary is quite short. I think it covers all the ground it needs to, while remaining minimalist. It's like a bouquet of words which you've carefully selected, rather than a huge spill. That really fits with the simple layout, and reflects what I think will be a story with very few characters who are (hopefully) properly encapsulated.

    That's my impression of what your summary aims for. In terms of the way you've executed it, however, I would make one suggestion. Currently, it reads like this:

    He always wanted to be a singer.
    He asked her to wait for him to be ready to leave too,
    that they could go to Los Angeles together, but she left without him.


    I really think it should be, 'He asked her to wait for him and be ready to leave too, so that they could go to Los Angeles together- but she left without him.'

    There seems to be a 'so' missing. Possibly it's just a typo, but given that your summary is what people will use to form their first impressions, it might be worth fixing up.

    Overall, I think this story looks like it could be interesting!
    Comment on The Macabre Tales of Young Edgar, again (this is the second time I've posted it here, but I promise I'm not going to spam the thread)?
    January 7th, 2012 at 11:08am
  • Sansa Stark

    Sansa Stark (930)

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    ^ claim claim claim!!! the title got me excited already!
    June 13th, 2012 at 11:33pm
  • Sansa Stark

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    Done! First of all, I'd like to say that I'm on mobile so I can't really edit my post above. I will paste the comment here:

    No wonder it got published, it's amazing! The title as a reference to the wonderful Edgar Allan Poe has the power to captivate readers, as well as your style: descriptive when needed without getting boring, the capacity to keep the readers hooked, even if they just read a paragraph. It's impossible to read only the summary, and I will buy your book if they actually ship it to Portugal. What I mean is, just the summary makes me want to read the whole thing right now. I love the vocabulary you use and the fact that they're both named Ed and live by the seaside, it gives it a warm vibe for some reason. It has mystery and a gothic-ish feeling that I adore in stories. Congratulations!

    --

    The story I'd like to get reviewed for is called Abyssus Abyssum Invocat and being on mobile I can't make links so I will post the url and you just have to copy and paste into the address bar. Sorry for the inconvinient.

    www.mibba.com/Stories/Read/469491/Abyssus-Abyssum-Invocat/

    Hope you enjoy it and, again, sorry for not making a clean post on this thread but it is sort of impossible in such a small phone.
    June 14th, 2012 at 12:03am
  • spacejunkie

    spacejunkie (100)

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    For 'Comment the Summary':

    So, this comment is from a very belated reply to the thread.

    As a first impression, I think your summary is of a very decent length, and has a feeling of the grandiose. Right from the first sentence of the first paragraph, I get images of Roman pillars and cold, impassive marble. I see the Colosseum and the larger than life evocations of life and death by dueling.

    You certainly draw these elements together in your second paragraph, in the first sentence. This sentence also brings up what I predict will be the main conflict of the story- the struggle of power between masters and slaves. I foresee an epic saga here. Historical accuracy isn't guaranteed, but that's okay, because this story will probably be as showy as the arena itself.

    Finally, this isn't the kind of story I would normally read, but your summary has, to my mind, certainly done whatever you've written justice. If I was into Rome and gladiators, I would definitely be hooked.

    Well done!
    Snivellus
    November 18th, 2012 at 10:23am
  • spellbound.

    spellbound. (225)

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    Ignore. XD
    June 13th, 2013 at 06:37am
  • spacejunkie

    spacejunkie (100)

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    @ violet veins
    Still active -barely- but skip over me.
    June 14th, 2013 at 12:50pm
  • spellbound.

    spellbound. (225)

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    Because there were complications with spacejunkie's story summary, I went ahead and commented on Abyssus Abyssum Invocat once again.
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    This summary gives me the feeling of grand Roman empires (which it is, of course tehe) and luxurious... fabrics, for some reason. But it definitely has a dark undertone and hints that there is something greater going on, something deeper and darker and very macabre.

    The second paragraph particuarlly stands out to me. For some reason it just flows very nicely and smoothly and it's a wonderful part of the summary. You seem to draw everything together very nicely here and I feel that it's a great place to leave off. It hooks you in and intrigues you, leaves you wanting to know more. It's wonderful, and you manage to be descriptive without overwhelming the reader. Great job.
    The Hunter's Trill, please.
    June 15th, 2013 at 08:31am
  • DarkestStorm

    DarkestStorm (335)

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    @ caput lupinum
    The summary sounds interesting. It makes me wonder what happened to his parents. The contrast between convenience store burritos and dragons struck me. Usually don't think to find those together. If they're physical dragons I mean...

    My sort of, kind of, maybe summary is this:
    "Don't let me fall."

    He agreed to her request.
    He had no choice.
    For if he failed, he would die and go into the depths of Hell.

    This was his after-life's purpose. To make sure this one girl never did what she was destined to do.
    He was getting tired though, tired of talking her down, tired of always watching out for her, he was just tired of being the one who had to take care of this girl. Did that make him selfish? He was almost 100% it did but he didn't care. He never asked to be her guardian. (9/20/13))

    A guy is assigned to be a guardian of a girl with low-self esteem by Whoever is in charge of “Heaven” ( the After-life). He gets tired of looking out for this one girl though and making sure she doesn't do the one thing she is destined to do. As sad as it is. He wants his own life though. If he allows the girl to “fulfill” her destiny he gets thrown into hell.
    September 21st, 2013 at 09:44pm
  • aubs

    aubs (420)

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    DarkestStorm summary:
    "Don't let me fall."

    He agreed to her request.
    He had no choice.
    For if he failed, he would die and go into the depths of Hell.

    This was his after-life's purpose. To make sure this one girl never did what she was destined to do.
    He was getting tired though, tired of talking her down, tired of always watching out for her, he was just tired of being the one who had to take care of this girl. Did that make him selfish? He was almost 100% it did but he didn't care. He never asked to be her guardian. (9/20/13))

    A guy is assigned to be a guardian of a girl with low-self esteem by Whoever is in charge of “Heaven” ( the After-life). He gets tired of looking out for this one girl though and making sure she doesn't do the one thing she is destined to do. As sad as it is. He wants his own life though. If he allows the girl to “fulfill” her destiny he gets thrown into hell.
    summary comment:
    I really like how the summary begins with a quote. It's a short quote, but I think it tells a lot about the story (or what I know about the story by just reading the summary). The summary, I think, it amazing; it briefly explains to the reader what the plot is, without giving too much away. And what I found to be really interesting about it was the amount of mystery, if you could call it that, written into this.

    It makes me wonder what the girl's destiny and why he wants to stop it. It gets me asking questions about the story, and really makes me excited to read the story, which is what a summary should do.

    Private 87, please?
    October 17th, 2013 at 01:26am
  • DarkestStorm

    DarkestStorm (335)

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    @ aubs
    Thanks for the input.

    I have two angles I may go with this. Sort of. I may combine the ideas.
    October 18th, 2013 at 01:15am
  • atlas -

    atlas - (855)

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    I wasn't really a big fan of the summary, it didn't seem like what it was talking about and the voice used matched. Perhaps, "Her names was Private 87 and her duty was to fight the monsters that plagues the world," as a first sentence? I'm not too good at summaries myself, but this seems a little rushed (perhaps forced?) and unenticing. You may be able to get a better pull on readers by adding in a high stake risk, or something along those lines.

    Other than that, I get the jist of what you were trying to say! It seems like a quite interesting concept. I've subbed and recced!
    City of Lights?
    October 23rd, 2013 at 11:48pm
  • folie a dru.

    folie a dru. (1270)

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    I think the story seems like a really interesting concept. I like the lead-in at the very beginning with the names of the four cities because it gives you and idea of a sort of futuristic society, but the names are all so different that it makes you wonder about each of them.

    The second paragraph was too much telling for me. I don't prefer to have that much information given to me in the summary. I feel like it ruins the discover of it within a story itself, so I would have alluded to a lot more instead of telling the reader all of the male protagonist's background. I did like the description of the drugs themselves because it didn't give away anything about the story and it painted very vivid pictures.

    I'm also not a fan of ending a summary with a question, especially when it's poised in a romantic way.

    However, I think the story itself sounds amazing, original, and extremely interesting. The summary is also well-written and contains no typos, which is a plus.

    When No One Was Looking, the World Heard Everything.
    October 24th, 2013 at 01:25am
  • bellamy blake

    bellamy blake (3280)

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    i saw sparks:
    For the "Comment the Summary" thread:

    This has nothing to do with the summary, but I was incredibly intrigued by the title tehe

    I really loved your use of rhythm and repetition in the beginning of the summary because I felt like it really drove in that insomniac feeling of desperate trying to fall asleep and the way that your mind naturally wanders. I also enjoyed the conciseness of this summary in those first three brief paragraphs. I felt like a got a good grasp on what the piece is going to be about without getting so much that it ruins it for me, which is exactly what I feel a good summary should do Cute

    I got the feeling that this centered around a co-dependent relationship that could be on the verge of unraveling, and I loved that by the summary, this seems like a very in-the-moment piece that takes place mostly in Ryan’s head, which is the sort of stuff I enjoy reading.

    While I like how the Palahniuk quote ties in with the chapter title, I have to admit that coming across it after reading your own summary did throw me off a little. If that quote has to be included for the contest or whatever, I would suggest maybe placing it before your summary or in the A/N. Honestly, I feel like your summary is much stronger on its own without the quote, but I appreciate knowing the source of inspiration Cute
    At the Bottom of This Mason Jar
    November 17th, 2013 at 11:58pm
  • swell

    swell (150)

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    swell:
    Ahh, I loved reading the summary. I loved how easily it was read and it flowed so well, even with the use of 'and' as a way to start your next paragraph. Some look down on it but I really liked it because I thought it was fitting to how the summary was written. I particularly like how at first when reading the summary, I was like 'aw her son's happy so delaney's happy everyone's happy this is great', but then you turned me quickly into 'GODDAMNIT MASON NEEDS HIS FATHER WHERE IS HE I AM MAD'. How is it in a summary you're able to make me feel a range of emotions XD

    Seriously though, I loved it and I want a story. I WANT SOMETHING.
    Covert
    July 10th, 2015 at 04:10am
  • the dalliance.

    the dalliance. (305)

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    I'm really intrigued by the summary. It's very short and simple but that does not take away from the effectiveness. I have so many questions and I'm trying to figure out the details of the plot. XD When reading the summary, I was like 'cool, she's like a great agent whose potential has not been put to use (like Peggy Carter),' but then I read the last line and was like, 'oh gosh, this is going to go south real quick.'

    Overall, I think the summary is perfect and I have been patiently awaiting this story!
    @ swell
    Ascendance
    July 10th, 2015 at 04:29am
  • bellamy blake

    bellamy blake (3280)

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    bellamy blake:
    For the Comment the Summary Thread:

    First off, I was definitely intrigued and captivated by the first little chunk of the summary. I feel like, overall, that’s the part that probably stood out the most for me and really hooked me in as a reader.

    Moving onto the longer bit of summary, while I thought the premise you’ve created and set up here was definitely unique and as a reader, I’d be interested in checking out the story, there were quite a few instances where lines were awkwardly worded and the flow was a little off and unnatural. I also noticed a few grammatical errors.

    Amarys Holloway’s demons not only reside in the past, but also the present. – There shouldn’t be a comma here. This was also one of those lines I felt was a little off as far as flow is concerned, but that could be because of that comma.

    The facts were clear; the hosts no longer exist after the initial possession. – There should be a colon here instead of a semi-colon.

    In 2031, demon possession was supposed to be the end to Amarys’s life. But, when the demon seized control of her body, Amarys’s soul remained. This should really be one sentence. Having the break there really interrupts the natural flow.

    The year is 2036 and humans are no longer the apex predator, instead they have quickly become the prey. – ON the other hand, I feel like this should be broken up into two sentences as in, “The year is 2036, and humans are no longer the apex predator. Instead, they have quickly become the prey.”

    Demons and Angels are the hunters now… – I feel like demons and angels shouldn’t be capitalized as proper nouns here (clearly, “demons” would still be capitalized as the first word in the sentence, but you catch my drift). If you had capitalized the other references to demons in this summary, it would’ve been fine, but there needs to be that consistency.

    and how do you tell enemy from foe when good and evil wear the faces of your family and friends. – Honestly, I don’t mean this to come off the wrong way, but I really feel like you could do without this part. It just comes off as one of those redundant questions that people like to use to close off their summaries. The summary closes on a more impacting/resonating note if it doesn’t end in a question.

    Overall, I’m super intrigued by the premise, and I feel like you did a great job providing the reader with enough details and information to get a clear idea of what the story’s about without giving too much away Cute
    Turpentine Kisses & Mistaken Blows
    July 10th, 2015 at 01:18pm
  • Katie Mosing

    Katie Mosing (33815)

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    bellamy blake:
    Turpentine Kisses & Mistaken Blows
    I absolutely love this summary! It paints a perfect picture of what their friendship is like, while giving us little facts about Bellamy at the same time. You can tell from the way that Raven lingers on all of these little things about him that there is some connection between the two of them that maybe she is not willing to admit. I also really like that it has an open-ended feeling with the line "And for now, that was enough." It was very poetic and I think it did a great job of getting the audience ready for what was to come. I can't think of anything that would need changing to make the summary better - it was great all around!
    Zero Gravity - I am particularly iffy about the length and whether or not it actually makes you want to read the story. Especially that.
    July 10th, 2015 at 10:16pm
  • honeyjoons

    honeyjoons (350)

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    petra ral:
    You said in the summary thread that you were iffy about whether or not anyone would want to read it because of the summary and to that I just say WHY?!

    The summary is so good! I have always wondered, as a Harry Potter fan, would would it be like for his children, especially James, to be in Hogwarts. How many students would worship him because of who his father is? How much privilege would he be given by the teachers? How many people would hate him out of jealousy and spite because his father is the infamous Harry Potter? Your summary makes all of those questions surface in my mind, especially because of the last line in the first paragraph: "It was at that moment that I realized what it was like to be James Potter."

    That line alone draws curiosity for the reader! It makes them go "Wow how did she write James' experience at Hogwarts and what happens while he is there?!" I love when stories branch off of something open-ended like this and I think your summary does a perfect job of making people want to read your take on it all.

    The same can also be said for your character, Posey. Who is she and what is her background? Especially with the line "But really, I wasn't one to talk." That makes readers think "WHY NOT WHO ARE YOU?!"

    Sorry for rambling...either way your summary is great and I think it gives the perfect amount away without giving out any major spoilers of what is to come.
    Moonlight - Reccing a friend's piece because all of my summaries are so not descriptive.
    October 2nd, 2015 at 10:03pm