The Definition of "Slut"

@ Maleficent A
If you don't believe it, then stop repeating it.

Your apology is too little and too late. Bye. I'm done with you. The only things I have left to say to you are going to remain unspoken, because I don't want to get banned. I have zero nice things to say about you or to you.

@ CallusedSilk
The point of this site is to share information and personal thoughts. I did both.
If you haven't got anything nice to say then that's fine I for one haven't really got anything nice to say about you. I doubt that you have many friends is all I can say. I don't really give a f*ck that you don't accept my apology its out their if you want it.

Please don't replie to this post as I don't think I could listen to another one of your painful words now if you don't mind I'm busy cleaning blood stains from my pillow.

End of.

@ Maleficent A
It's hard to see anything wrong with it if you refuse to. I grew up in a small minded community but I opened my mind when presented with another viewpoint. If you keep a close mind, that's your own fault.

I think a slut is a woman who confidently calls herself a slut. I think being a slut is a good thing. If a woman reaches the point where she reclaims that word for herself, I think that is such an empowering experience and I congratulate her.

Earlier today some guy said girls get judged different because it's "easy to be a slut and hard to be a stud".

I pointed out that it's very easy to make every woman a slut when you get to change the definition of the word everytime.

Another friend pointed out that's it's hard to get laid when you view woman as subhuman.

The only thing I have against sluts are is the fact that even though they sleep around and act like a tart they still manage to have boyfriends, but for smart, intelligent decent girls they are called nerds all because they have respect for them self's.

@ Maleficent A
Your generalizations are quite misogynistic in nature. Any statistical evidence to back up such claims?

@ dru is beautiful.
Yeah my life

@ Maleficent A
Okay, okay, let's take a breather and really open some eyes here. With more and more women seeing that feminism is indeed vital, you really have to sit down and let both parties see different view points. Now before I get into things, let me tell you a little about myself. I am a very proud Mexican woman who grew up in a very traditional household where the word "slut" and "whore" get thrown around easily because of the very close-minded mentality.

No rape victim should ever be called a slut, and it is never their fault.


I've been raped, in fact I was raped last week. I kept saying "No", and telling the person that it doesn't matter whether the guy I'm interested in is playing the field or not, I am still interested in him only. The young man who raped me waited till I was too drunk to make sense of anything, and as it happened I went into a very numb state. I was in autopilot.

BUT, this was not my fault. I told my parents, and the fucked up thing is they blame me. They keep saying that that's not what they're saying, but it is. What happened to me was not my fault, because I kept telling the young man NO.

This isn't the first time it's happened though. My first relationship was nothing but abuse, and coercion. Again this wasn't my fault. Me sleeping with seven (I say seven because the man that raped me does not count, because he did not have my consent) other men does not make me a slut.



The word slut is so obsolete, as far as I'm concerned. People will joke about it, yes, but...let's be very real.

Men constantly bragging about the women they've smashed...I mean that makes them "sluts" by their definition. The only difference is that men get congratulated because they smash, we get shamed for it...because of women having to stay pure until marriage.

My point is, "slut" is a word that has too much power for a word. It needs to stop.

@ SmilingScarlet
Ok can I just say something but please don't get offended, you could of prevented your rape. There I said it, and you might say no I couldn't and it was his fault but at the end of the day if you didn't get drunk it wouldn't of happened. I've slept with a drunk man before does that make me a rapist? No because things are always different when I woman does something wrong.

@ Maleficent A
I've decided to head to your profile.

Maleficent A:

@ SmilingScarlet
Ok can I just say something but please don't get offended, you could of prevented your rape. There I said it, and you might say no I couldn't and it was his fault but at the end of the day if you didn't get drunk it wouldn't of happened. I've slept with a drunk man before does that make me a rapist? No because things are always different when I woman does something wrong.

Please tell me that you're not being serious right now and you're just playing the devil's advocate...

Honestly... How can you sit here and blame the victim for the rape? I will never understand how anyone can have the audacity to victim blame a rape victim as you just did. Your situation is completely different than what happened to SmilingScarlet. Completely. The two are not the same and they are not comparable. Comparing those two instances makes it seem like you are minimizing rape, which should never be done.

In her post, SmilingScarlet specifically stated that they had waited until she was too drunk to make sense of anything. In other words... She was far too drunk to give consent. Not everyone who is drunk is capable of giving consent. Yes, there are some people who are drunk and able to give consent. But there are different levels of being drunk and at higher levels, you lose your ability to consciously consent to sex. This has also been, of course, all without mentioning the fact that she also specifically stated she had told them 'no' countless times. Does that no suddenly turn to a 'yes' because she consumed alcohol? No. The word 'no' stays as a 'no' regardless of her state of mind. She said no. Getting drunk doesn't change that answer.

Let me ask you about your situation... How drunk was this man you had sex with? There are different levels to being drunk; they're not all the same and cannot all be compared as you did in your post. If the male was able to give conscious consent then no, it's not rape. However, if the male was unable to give conscious consent then yes, it is rape and should be dealt with. If the male had told you no before he got drunk and you pushed it again after he was drunk then there's a good chance that yes, it was rape.

Let's put it in a different way.... Blaming a woman who is too drunk to give consent for rape is akin to blaming a woman who is raped while asleep. Would you sit here and say a sleeping woman could have 'prevented' her rape by not falling asleep by the male? Most likely not because that woman was unable to give consent in her sleep. For a woman who is too drunk to give consent, it is the same concept.

Maleficent A:

You might say no I couldn't and it was his fault but at the end of the day if you didn't get drunk it wouldn't of happened.

In the seven or so years I've been a member here I've almost always managed to remain completely respectful in discussions on the board, but that statement just made it very difficult for me to continue to do so. What you're essentially implying here is that to prevent rape, we should get women to stop getting drunk rather than getting men to stop raping. What you've just done is excused someone's sexual assault, and that's completely asinine, wrong and disgusting. All I can hope is that you'll realise this at some point. I realise it might take more than just angry reactions here to change your mind, but I'm sorry - any belief held that excuses the perpetrator and blames the victim of something as awful as rape needs changing, post-haste.

Airi.:

Blaming a woman who is too drunk to give consent for rape is akin to blaming a woman who is raped while asleep. Would you sit here and say a sleeping woman could have 'prevented' her rape by not falling asleep by the male? Most likely not because that woman was unable to give consent in her sleep. For a woman who is too drunk to give consent, it is the same concept.

Thank you! Couldn't have put it better myself.

xandermark.:

What you're essentially implying here is that to prevent rape, we should get women to stop getting drunk rather than getting men to stop raping. What you've just done is excused someone's sexual assault, and that's completely asinine, wrong and disgusting. All I can hope is that you'll realise this at some point. I realise it might take more than just angry reactions here to change your mind, but I'm sorry - any belief held that excuses the perpetrator and blames the victim of something as awful as rape needs changing, post-haste.

Again, thank you so much for putting things into words better than I ever could. I really do not understand how it's hard to comprehend that consent is always needed, and that a rape victim is never at fault. They did nothing wrong.

Maleficent A:

@ CallusedSilk
I have been raped.

Do you actually think I would say from my own personal thoughts that its a woman's fault? That wouldn't even enter me brian. Its my family's beliefs I have repeated this over and over again.

But its ok. Don't believe me I don't care. Nobody else did.

I'm fine now anyway. Three weeks I had managed not to cut but I suppose it was all for nothing now.

I'm sorry if my posts came off as a offencive, maybe I should of tried putting my point across more clearly.

I'm sorry for offending you and anyone else.

Maleficent A:

@ SmilingScarlet
Ok can I just say something but please don't get offended, you could of prevented your rape. There I said it, and you might say no I couldn't and it was his fault but at the end of the day if you didn't get drunk it wouldn't of happened. I've slept with a drunk man before does that make me a rapist? No because things are always different when I woman does something wrong.

You blame your culture but still say hateful, misogynistic, and very harmful comments. You need to be consistent with your justifications for your own internalized misogyny here.

A person who is drunk or drugged cannot consent.

Consent must be given when you're absolutely sober. Consent is enthusiastic. Consent should not be coerced from someone. Consent is always present and is an ongoing agreement that may be revoked at any time.

When a person cannot consent because they're intoxicated, when they are coerced into it, when they are threatened, when they fell that they cannot say no without putting their lives in danger that is rape.

@ Fen'Harel
When I was raped I was completely sober and I knew exactly what was going on around me I tried to stop it but I couldn't. When people who are drunk get raped its a different situation maybe if she was sober the could of put her points clearer that she didn't want rape or at least tried to fight the rapist of. But instead you will get so drunk that you don't have a clue what your doing, have sex and get raped. My situation was completely different to hers.

@ Airi.
Haha ok I can put it in a different way to, the person who throws herself infront of a car while drunk will probebly get hurt or possible even die but yet the driver of that car gets sent to prison but if you were sober you could of easily stayed on the side walk away from trouble.

Also you can't get raped while your asleep sooner or later your gonna wake up. I am not blaming her for her rape but there was ways to prevent it.

Maleficent A:

@ Airi.
Haha ok I can put it in a different way to, the person who throws herself infront of a car while drunk will probebly get hurt or possible even die but yet the driver of that car gets sent to prison but if you were sober you could of easily stayed on the side walk away from trouble.

I have to say that your post left me speechless for quite some time. After reading your last two posts, I really want to believe you're just trolling right now and that you're not truly serious about any of the terrifying and horrible things you're perpetuating right now. Your logic with this subject is so skewed and flawed that it's incredible and makes your viewpoints that much more terrifying for women in general.

The example you gave is completely off the mark and completely unrelated to this entire subject. You're comparing apples to oranges right now and it's not really helping your points at all. Furthermore, your 'example' is rather confusing. If someone gets hit while they're drunk, does that mean they deserve it? Because that is certainly how your example is coming across right now. I honestly hope to god that I am comprehending your words wrong now. If I'm right and that is what you meant, are you trying to say that a woman who is raped while drunk deserved it in a way? Once again, I hope you do not think this way.

Going off your example... If someone throws themselves in front of a car, it probably doesn't matter how sober or drunk they are. Throwing yourself in front of a car generally shows suicidal feelings, which has little to do with alcohol and more to do with someone's current state of mind. Throwing yourself in front of a car is (attempted) suicide and the alcohol was probably only used to give more 'courage' in going through with the act. But this discussion is getting very far off topic with that one.

Quote

Also you can't get raped while your asleep sooner or later your gonna wake up. I am not blaming her for her rape but there was ways to prevent it.

Yes, a woman can be raped while she is asleep. The woman waking up does not mean the assault is no longer considered rape. I don't understand how you can be so okay with treating rape so casually as you are. The way you're speaking so casually about rape and minimizing it is baffling to me.

Moving on.... Yes you are. You have blamed her for the rape. You have excused her rapist's actions and put the blame on her by saying she could have prevented it. You have made excuses and indirectly defended her rapist. You have defended and perpetuated rape culture. You have blamed her and other rape victims in every single way. Rape is never the victim's fault and saying they could have 'prevented' it is in fact blaming them for the assault.

If a woman is drunk and unable to consent then it is not her fault. A woman should not have to fear being raped when she drinks and yet that is exactly what you are perpetuating right now.

@ Maleficent A
"My rape is legitimate; it was not my fault and I was a victim/survivor because I define myself as such. Their rape is not legitimate and it was their fault because of some standards that I set to other victims/survivors to distinguish between legitimate rape (aka: my rape) and illegitimate rape (aka: the rape of vulnerable people who were intoxicated)."

You're invalidating the experiences of victims and survivors of rape. You do not get to define the experiences of LIVING, BREATHING people and you do not get to set some arbitrary standards based on your own internalized bigotry.

valerie.:

My definition of a slut is essentially anyone who is a homewrecker.

You know, I've heard other people say the same thing. But it always irks me. I do personally tend to frown upon people who actively seek out romantic partners that are already in monogamous relationships, true. But more than that, I usually only see that person referred to as a "slut," and not the person cheating on their significant other. Especially when it's a man who is married / has a girlfriend or boyfriend / etc, and he cheats with a girl - the girl is always a "slut," and the dude who actually cheated is for some reason rarely looked down upon. It's a gross double-standard.

I personally just hate the word. It's dumb. And I don't understand why people get upset or riled up about what other people do sexually, especially if it has nothing to do with them or their personal relationship(s).