The Definition of "Slut"

Maleficent A:

A girl who likes sex.

If that's the definition of a slut, then I guess that makes me a slut. Even though I've been with my boyfriend for like five or six years and he's the only person I sleep with. A'ight then.

Really, though, this is sad. Just sad sexist rhetoric designed to punish women for even LIKING sex (even if they're not going around having it?), while giving men a pass for the same things. It's gross.

EDIT: I was responding to things as I read through the thread...but I see now that we've moved on to victim-blaming, so this is the point at which I leave the thread because I'm angry and will regret staying.

@ Airi.

Right I understand some of what your saying but not all. Surely a grown woman should know not to get so drunk she hasn't an idea what's she's doing its just common sense. Yeah maybe at that moment when your with your friends you might think its ok to drink but people should know the consequences. We do not live in happy world were everybody is saints! There are murderers, rapist, thief out there but still people just go out get drunk without even thinking. Its like drinking while driving, if you have a car crash and die you can't blame the car because it was the drivers fault for putting there self's in that position. Its not like the rapist is forcing you to get drunk, its was your decision to get that drunk nobody else's.

I'm not saying all rapes is like this some people do get raped while sober and that is clearly not there fault but again even if someone is drunk while raped it still isn't there fault but they could or at least tried to prevent it in some way.

And I will say it again I AM NOT BLAMMING THE VICTEM

Maleficent A:

@ Airi.

Right I understand some of what your saying but not all. Surely a grown woman should know not to get so drunk she hasn't an idea what's she's doing its just common sense. Yeah maybe at that moment when your with your friends you might think its ok to drink but people should know the consequences. We do not live in happy world were everybody is saints! There are murderers, rapist, thief out there but still people just go out get drunk without even thinking. Its like drinking while driving, if you have a car crash and die you can't blame the car because it was the drivers fault for putting there self's in that position. Its not like the rapist is forcing you to get drunk, its was your decision to get that drunk nobody else's.

I'm not saying all rapes is like this some people do get raped while sober and that is clearly not there fault but again even if someone is drunk while raped it still isn't there fault but they could or at least tried to prevent it in some way.

And I will say it again I AM NOT BLAMMING THE VICTEM

But a grown woman has every right to have fun when she wants to. No one but the woman should control her body. You keep contradicting yourself. You are blaming the victim when you say "surely a grown woman would know..."

If a woman says "NO" that's what it means! N - O. Why are you overlooking that? Prior to getting drunk I was saying the same thing. I honestly cannot believe your words right now.

Your whole statement is blaming the victim.

@ Jinxeh
Sorry I wrote that wrong. What I meant to say was a slut is a girl or boy who haves sex with lots of different people. And that's isn't always a bad thing.

@ Maleficent A
All you are doing is blaming the victim. Maybe you should stop and blame the rapist. I could be drunk as shit, naked, pass out in front of some guy and he still has no right to rape me and to still is not my fault if he does. It is ALWAYS the rapist's fault. ALWAYS. Every time.

@ dru is beautiful.
I didn't say it wasn't

Maleficent A:

@ dru is beautiful.
I didn't say it wasn't

You implied that it wasn't. You mysteriously neglected to talk about the fact that a rapist is in the wrong while you were chastising someone for getting drunk and not considering the "consequences". The idea that anyone should swear off alcohol because someone might do something awful to you is ridiculous, and it essentially lets people who do see the inebriated state of others as an excuse to do awful things off the hook.

Maleficent A:

We do not live in happy world were everybody is saints! There are murderers, rapist, thief out there but still people just go out get drunk without even thinking.

Here's a radical idea - how about we discourage people from murdering and raping instead of pretending that the problem lies in the hands of the innocent?

Maleficent A:

Its like drinking while driving, if you have a car crash and die you can't blame the car because it was the drivers fault for putting there self's in that position. Its not like the rapist is forcing you to get drunk, its was your decision to get that drunk nobody else's.

That's a ridiculous analogy. By driving while drunk, a person immediately presents significant danger to themselves and people around them. That's not even close to being comparable to getting drunk at a house party.

Maleficent A:

We do not live in happy world were everybody is saints! There are murderers, rapist, thief out there but still people just go out get drunk without even thinking.

Hold on...by that logic, should we not own nice things, have money or pretty much live? After all, if you're saying that the simple way to eliminate rape is to not drink, then surely to eliminate the theft in the world, we shouldn't have nice things? No phones, no cars, no money (because they're all the things that get stolen). And, by that flawed logic, to prevent the murder in the world people should just...not exist?

Maleficent A:

Its like drinking while driving, if you have a car crash and die you can't blame the car because it was the drivers fault for putting there self's in that position. Its not like the rapist is forcing you to get drunk, its was your decision to get that drunk nobody else's.

No one blames the car. It is ALWAYS the drivers' fault if it's a case of drunk driving. They CHOSE to get behind the wheel of a car while aware that they lack the legal capacity to drive -- are you saying that women and men who are raped while drunk CHOOSE to be violated?

Maleficent A:

I'm not saying all rapes is like this some people do get raped while sober and that is clearly not there fault but again even if someone is drunk while raped it still isn't there fault but they could or at least tried to prevent it in some way.

Does saying 'NO' count as trying to prevent rape? And really, if rape was as easily prevented as you're making it out to be, I'm sure the number of rapes that happen would not be as high as it because I highly doubt that people want to feel violated, worthless and weak, all of which are frequently felt following an attack.

Maleficent A:

And I will say it again I AM NOT BLAMMING THE VICTEM

Right. Either you're a troll or you don't realise that you're contradicting yourself too much to be believed. You once claimed that the views you were sprouting were not your own, and yet you're still saying the exact same views in a way that makes them come across as your own opinion.

Maleficent A:

@ dru is beautiful.
I didn't say it wasn't

But you did put blame on me. I have bolded it for you to see.

Maleficent A:

@ SmilingScarlet
Ok can I just say something but please don't get offended, you could of prevented your rape. There I said it, and you might say no I couldn't and it was his fault but at the end of the day if you didn't get drunk it wouldn't of happened. I've slept with a drunk man before does that make me a rapist? No because things are always different when I woman does something wrong.

That is victim blaming. I didn't have to do anything, because, again, this is MY body. The words that came out of my mouth was "NO".

Not my fault. AT ALL.

@ SmilingScarlet
No if I was blaming you I would of said 'your rape was your fault' but those words didn't get said so please stop twisting what I'm saying.

Maleficent A:

@ SmilingScarlet
you could of prevented your rape.

Again, I didn't have to do anything. I said "NO" a bunch of times.

Note From Admins: This is a thread where users are discussing the term 'slut' and the various definitions and ways people use it. If you feel uncomfortable or sensitive towards the topic or any topics that may branch off from it, please refrain from taking part in the discussion.

Remember that this is a discussion on the topic in general, not a forum to personally attack other users. But if you offer up your personal experiences, it will be up for discussion, debate, and responses. Again, if you feel uncomfortable or sensitive towards the topic or any topics that may branch off from it, please refrain from taking part in the discussion.

@ Jinxeh
Just to clarify again, I look down on both parties involved, not sure why some people have double standards when it comes to cheating seeing as they both did a shitty thing.

@ SmilingScarlet
I am no longer doing this discussion with you.

Maleficent A:

@ SmilingScarlet
I am no longer doing this discussion with you.

Are you doing it with the rest of victims and survivors, then? @SmilingScarlet has every right to continue calling you out on your victim-blaming and your misogyny.

Even if you did not said "IT WAS YOUR FAULT" plainly, you still placed the responsibility on her by telling her she could have prevented it.

That's victim-blaming by its very definition:

Quote

Victim-blaming occurs when the victim of a crime or any wrongful act is held entirely or partially responsible for the harm that befell them.

Saying "you could have prevented it" is victim-blaming.

@ Fen'Harel
Well I didn't and still don't think it is.

End of.

@ Maleficent A
Sure, ignore that the people on this thread have told you time and time again that you in fact have blamed a victim for their rape and apparently are the gatekeeper of what constitutes "legitimate rape" vs. "illegitimate rape".

The term slut teaches people something called sexual shame. Shaming is anything that makes people feel guilty for their actions or who they are, sexual shaming creates this way of thinking that sex is somehow wrong. If someone calls another person a slut, they are basically putting limitations on another person's sexual experience. I think there is nothing wrong with having new sexual encounters with multiple partners as long as you are safe about it. Sex workers also get a bad stigma about being sluts, and lets face it. Theres so much negativity being thrust on other people for just being themselves. As the Ethical Slut states "The world does not honor sluthood, or think well of those who are sexually explorative." We are taught as we are growing to be ashamed of our bodies, to be abstinent and to keep sexual relations private. I think this is unnecessary and damaging to people who want to embrace their ever growing sexually. So I say, reclaim your sluthood and just be proud that you get to live life and have the pleasures you want.

I wish the word slut would die already. There are exactly zero times in my life that I have felt it was appropriate to comment on someone else's expression of their sexuality.

It teaches women that their value is in how many people they've had sex with, how they dress, or whether men want to sleep with them. Sex is not something anyone should be ashamed of. I'd like to see us start being open about sex with children as young as 12 or 13. Like everyday I would teach a class and it would be like "Women do not pee out of their vaginas. This is what consent is. Use condoms. Masturbation is normal. For the love of God, women do not pee out of their vaginas. Thank you."

As other people have brought up, slut shaming results in the ideas that women should have seen it coming if they are sexually assaulted because they were wearing a short skirt, went to a party, etc. It's hot -> We wear short skirts. I want to hang out with my friends -> I go to parties. I cannot leave my vagina at home, so I don't get sexually assaulted while trying to live my life.

The definition of slut seems to change depending on who you ask. I've seen it vary from a woman who has a lot of sex (or is percieved to have a lot of sex, and it's always women who get called it) to someone who wears short skirts or low cut tops. I've been hearing people being called sluts since I was about fifteen. The whole idea of a 'slut' seems deeply rooted in misogny.

It's also an example of a double standard women face; if we say no to sex, we're seen as prudish, or a bitch, and at risk of being constanly bagdered by guys who refuse to accept no as an answer. But if we say yes, we're sluts and whores with no morals or self respect.