The Definition of "Slut"

  • little motorkitty;

    little motorkitty; (630)

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    I agree with wolfeyes. Like, if you slept with an ex's friend to get back at him.

    I hate the word "slut". With a passion. I got called it for a very long time because people found out (by going through my personal stuff) that I lost my virginity at fourteen.

    Does losing your virginity at a young age make you a slut?

    I don't really think so. I mean, I was in a relationship that I was in for two years, I trusted the guy and we loved each other. In a non-bragging sense, I am mature for my age, always have been, as due to my past I had to grow up too fast. I guess it's all personal though.
    January 28th, 2011 at 07:48am
  • folie a dru.

    folie a dru. (1270)

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    ^
    Personally, the age fourteen just makes me cringe for that (no offense meant at all, I have a baby sister so this all goes back to me thinking about her), but I wouldn't say it makes one a slut.
    January 28th, 2011 at 05:45pm
  • ThePiesEndure

    ThePiesEndure (115)

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    little motorkitty;:
    I agree with wolfeyes. Like, if you slept with an ex's friend to get back at him.

    I hate the word "slut". With a passion. I got called it for a very long time because people found out (by going through my personal stuff) that I lost my virginity at fourteen.

    Does losing your virginity at a young age make you a slut?

    I don't really think so. I mean, I was in a relationship that I was in for two years, I trusted the guy and we loved each other. In a non-bragging sense, I am mature for my age, always have been, as due to my past I had to grow up too fast. I guess it's all personal though.
    I'd have to agree with dru, because of your age at the time it makes me a bit queasy, just the age thing more than anything. No offence to you, any 14 year old having sex is a...y'know for me. Also because technically whether you were in a committed relationship or not, having sex at 14 is illegal and is actually legally rape. [Statutory rape]

    But, no it doesn't make you a slut. You were with one guy whom you loved.
    January 29th, 2011 at 03:16am
  • thalida.

    thalida. (320)

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    druscilla smiles.:
    No, it's definitely not.

    It's like the argument that if a girl is dressed proactively/ she deserves to be raped/was asking for it. It's bullshit, in other words.
    I seriously dislike it when people say this, but that's off-topic.

    --

    This is mean, but when I'm pissed I call the girl I'm mad at a slut, but when I'm
    talking or describing someone I don't really call girls sluts (except the previously mentioned girls at my school, but I dislike them anyway so it was more an
    insult). I don't know a persons situation to fully know if there are one or not, and
    as we've realized it's hard to describe what one is. So, I just don't use it much anymore... except when I'm ranting about a girl. I know, I'm bad.
    January 29th, 2011 at 03:57am
  • folie a dru.

    folie a dru. (1270)

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    I actually sometimes use it as a term of endearment, especially when talking about boys. But only when I'm talking to people I know well and it's not really talking about someone I know personally. I've talked to friends about sex though and gone "oh, you little slut", but it's definitely a term of endearment, not an insult. (Does that make sense?)
    January 29th, 2011 at 06:18am
  • Isis

    Isis (105)

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    the mice endure:
    Also because technically whether you were in a committed relationship or not, having sex at 14 is illegal and is actually legally rape. [Statutory rape]
    Well, actually, it depends on the country/state you're in, but in many places, if both people are under the age of consent, it isn't charged.
    druscilla smiles.:
    I actually sometimes use it as a term of endearment, especially when talking about boys. But only when I'm talking to people I know well and it's not really talking about someone I know personally. I've talked to friends about sex though and gone "oh, you little slut", but it's definitely a term of endearment, not an insult. (Does that make sense?)
    Yes, that makes sense, Dru. I've heard it said the way you're talking about, and it's just a little close-friend teasing, but more in a "tell me more!" way than in judgment.
    January 30th, 2011 at 02:47am
  • heyJAYhey

    heyJAYhey (100)

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    druscilla smiles.:
    I actually sometimes use it as a term of endearment, especially when talking about boys. But only when I'm talking to people I know well and it's not really talking about someone I know personally. I've talked to friends about sex though and gone "oh, you little slut", but it's definitely a term of endearment, not an insult. (Does that make sense?)
    That definitely makes sense. My best friend started dating a guy two years ago, and this year was the year that, sexually, everything started to pick up. One minute she'd be telling me that she gave him a handjob for the first time, and before I knew it, she wasn't a virgin anymore. In my excitement/jealousy, I called her a slut, but in the way that best friends do and we laughed and she said that she was going to have to 'slut-ify me more'.
    January 30th, 2011 at 04:22am
  • veronika

    veronika (130)

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    The problem with defining 'slut' is that it has no one definition. In one culture or social group it can mean one thing and then it can mean something different in another culture or social group.

    The biggest problem I have with the word 'slut' is that it's presumptuous - how many people call other people 'sluts' without really knowing them? The assumption that someone is a 'slut' based on how many people they've slept with, the way they dress or even their attitude can be pretty problematic.

    I don't think 'slut' needs to be, or should be, confined to just one definition. People often define 'slut' for themselves, and technically it's a term that can be applied to anyone because the criteria for being a 'slut' or 'slutty' is so varied.
    dru's in the dark.:
    A slut is someone, to me, who carries themselves in a particular way. Like they want to be looked at a sex object, treated like a sex object, and don't think there's any other way to be but then they deny being that way.
    ayanasioux:
    If you're sexually active, whatever, just don't go telling the whole world and making it quite obvious that you want to be looked at as a sex object because then, you're a slut. That's just to me.
    dressedtokill:
    I think a slut is someone who brags about it.
    the mice endure:
    I think it's more an attitude than number of people one sleeps with. I would call someone who has sex with one person a slut as much as a person who has slept with a hundred. It's all about how they carry themselves I believe.
    wolfeyes:
    To me a slut is someone who uses sex in a manipulative/devious way.
    Why do any of these women deserve to be called a 'slut'? 'Slut' has pretty heavy connotations. On here I've seen references to women being called sluts because they are manipulative or sneaky, or because they 'brag' about it or they have 'no self respect'. But I don't see why 'slut' needs to be used in any of these contexts.

    I don't condone people being sexually manipulative, however, I take umbrage with 'slut' being used in relation to that behaviour. If someone's manipulative, just call them what they are - manipulative - instead of calling them a very sex and gender based term that really only applies to women.

    No self respect? Call them what they are. "That person doesn't seem to have much self respect."

    They brag about it? "Wow, why does she have to be so open about her sex life? No one wants to know."

    I don't understand why using 'slut' is necessary. Often you can say what you want to say without resorting to using derogatory slurs against women.
    February 16th, 2011 at 01:53am
  • folie a dru.

    folie a dru. (1270)

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    ^
    Slut says a a lot more than "no self respect" or "open about their sex life" though. It encompasses multiple things rather than you going down a list and giving a paragraph long spiel about the way the person is. Slut is a word. I don't see the point in denying the existence of it.
    February 18th, 2011 at 04:51pm
  • veronika

    veronika (130)

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    dru feels more alone:
    ^
    Slut says a a lot more than "no self respect" or "open about their sex life" though. It encompasses multiple things rather than you going down a list and giving a paragraph long spiel about the way the person is. Slut is a word. I don't see the point in denying the existence of it.
    One of the reasons I'm so against using it is because I see it on the same wavelength as the word 'nigger', 'chink', or 'faggot' (as a few examples). I only (and I stress 'only' because I don't want my words taken out of context or misinterpreted) see it on the same wavelength in relation to the fact that it's a word used against, or to describe, one group of people in a derogatory way - for 'nigger', it's black people; 'chink', for Asian people (where I come from, anyway); and 'faggot', against gay people. 'Slut', to me, is a word that's used against women to control their behaviour and to label them negatively. Sleep around to much? You're a slut, apparently. Sexually manipulative woman? Slut.

    What about sexually manipulative men? Why do women get a special word all for themselves simply by being female? After all, sexually manipulating somebody isn't an inherently female thing.

    I guess the main thing I'm trying to work out is why 'slut' is okay to use as only a female insult, when the criteria for being one is actually more universal than inherently female.
    February 19th, 2011 at 02:56am
  • kafka.

    kafka. (150)

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    veronika:
    What about sexually manipulative men? Why do women get a special word all for themselves simply by being female? After all, sexually manipulating somebody isn't an inherently female thing.
    "Female" is a special word women get all for themselves simply by being female - why aren't you enraged by that? I do think that "slut" is a derogative term and you shouldn't use it, but I think to say that it's offensive only because nowadays it's only used for women, it's a bit absurd.
    February 19th, 2011 at 03:06pm
  • folie a dru.

    folie a dru. (1270)

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    veronika:
    One of the reasons I'm so against using it is because I see it on the same wavelength as the word 'nigger', 'chink', or 'faggot' (as a few examples). I only (and I stress 'only' because I don't want my words taken out of context or misinterpreted) see it on the same wavelength in relation to the fact that it's a word used against, or to describe, one group of people in a derogatory way - for 'nigger', it's black people; 'chink', for Asian people (where I come from, anyway); and 'faggot', against gay people. 'Slut', to me, is a word that's used against women to control their behaviour and to label them negatively. Sleep around to much? You're a slut, apparently. Sexually manipulative woman? Slut.

    What about sexually manipulative men? Why do women get a special word all for themselves simply by being female? After all, sexually manipulating somebody isn't an inherently female thing.

    I guess the main thing I'm trying to work out is why 'slut' is okay to use as only a female insult, when the criteria for being one is actually more universal than inherently female.
    Doesn't make any sense to me. The word 'faggot' applies to someone is gay. The definition of slut varies by person so it can't be the same word. It's like say 'bad person'. We all define 'bad person' differently, but we use it to mean something bad so is it bad?

    Sexually manipulative men are players, assholes, manwhores, mansluts, and I've used the word slut for men as well.
    February 19th, 2011 at 04:53pm
  • sunflowers.

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    veronika:
    One of the reasons I'm so against using it is because I see it on the same wavelength as the word 'nigger', 'chink', or 'faggot' (as a few examples). I only (and I stress 'only' because I don't want my words taken out of context or misinterpreted) see it on the same wavelength in relation to the fact that it's a word used against, or to describe, one group of people in a derogatory way - for 'nigger', it's black people; 'chink', for Asian people (where I come from, anyway); and 'faggot', against gay people. 'Slut', to me, is a word that's used against women to control their behaviour and to label them negatively. Sleep around to much? You're a slut, apparently. Sexually manipulative woman? Slut.

    What about sexually manipulative men? Why do women get a special word all for themselves simply by being female? After all, sexually manipulating somebody isn't an inherently female thing.

    I guess the main thing I'm trying to work out is why 'slut' is okay to use as only a female insult, when the criteria for being one is actually more universal than inherently female.
    You can call a man a slut. I mean, it's not common, but you can.
    Plus there are words for men that aren't used for girls. You don't normally use the term 'player' when addressing a girl, it's usually a guy who's not faithful/has a lot of women etc.

    By your definition, all insults fall into that category - is calling someone a bitch because they did something very horrible, the same as calling someone a paki or a chink, because you're describing someone in a derogatory way?

    The huge difference between racial insulting someone and calling someone a slut or a bitch etc. is that in the second instance you're insulting someone on the grounds of their conscious behaviour and their personality, not their skin tone which they have no control over.
    February 19th, 2011 at 06:39pm
  • veronika

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    Mr W. H.:
    "Female" is a special word women get all for themselves simply by being female - why aren't you enraged by that? I do think that "slut" is a derogative term and you shouldn't use it, but I think to say that it's offensive only because nowadays it's only used for women, it's a bit absurd.
    Because 'female' has very different connotations. If I call a woman a 'female', the intent is not to hurt, or to offend - 'slut' is a word that has almost always a negative intent behind it (I realise some people use it as a joking friendly way in friend circles, hence the 'almost always').

    I don't think it's absurd at all. There are so many women of all walks of life who get called sluts for so many things: their sexual behaviour, their sex lives, how many men they've had sex with, their attitude, for the way they dress, for not putting out (yes, even for NOT having sex some women called sluts), for their hairstyle, for how much makeup they may wear, for fake tanning, for not being monogamous, for being pregnant, for being a pregnant teenager, for losing your virginity at an 'unacceptable' age, for being raped, for drinking too much, for having a lot of male friends.... the list goes on and on.

    No one would call a man a slut for being raped or for fake tanning or for not being monogamous. That is what I mean when I say it's harmful as a sex based derogatory insult. It carries much more weight for women. When you actually look at who is called a slut in the greater societies and who is doing the insulting, then what I'm saying is not really that absurd in the bigger picture.
    February 20th, 2011 at 05:13am
  • veronika

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    dru feels more alone:
    Doesn't make any sense to me. The word 'faggot' applies to someone is gay. The definition of slut varies by person so it can't be the same word. It's like say 'bad person'. We all define 'bad person' differently, but we use it to mean something bad so is it bad?

    Sexually manipulative men are players, assholes, manwhores, mansluts, and I've used the word slut for men as well.
    I think you misunderstood me. 'Faggot' is a word that directed at one main group of people, gay people. 'Slut' is a word directed at one main group of people, women. It's a primarily female insult, like 'faggot' is a primarily gay insult.

    I feel that calling a man a slut is different, because it holds different weight. Because 'slut' is an inherently female insult directed towards women, when you call a man a slut it's... different. Almost as if it's a jokey, ironic kind of thing.

    I just don't understand why sex based insults and derogatory slurs (against both sexes) are so accepted and - consequently - defended, whereas if you were to mutter an insult directed at another group of people - like a race based insult - everyone would be up in arms.
    February 20th, 2011 at 05:13am
  • veronika

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    sunflowers.:
    You can call a man a slut. I mean, it's not common, but you can.
    Plus there are words for men that aren't used for girls. You don't normally use the term 'player' when addressing a girl, it's usually a guy who's not faithful/has a lot of women etc.

    By your definition, all insults fall into that category - is calling someone a bitch because they did something very horrible, the same as calling someone a paki or a chink, because you're describing someone in a derogatory way?

    The huge difference between racial insulting someone and calling someone a slut or a bitch etc. is that in the second instance you're insulting someone on the grounds of their conscious behaviour and their personality, not their skin tone which they have no control over.
    Again, like I said above, I think my comment was misunderstood. As I said to Dru, 'nigger' is a word that is primarily used against black people. 'Slut' is a word primarily used against women. That is the only comparison I was making. I'm not even going to get into the politics of sex vs race because that is not what my comment was about.

    Also as I said above, calling a man a slut is very different because it doesn't hold the same weight as when you call a woman a slut.

    I think most insults based on sex, gender, race, sexuality etc. are unnecessary, yes.
    February 20th, 2011 at 05:17am
  • sunflowers.

    sunflowers. (300)

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    veronika:
    I think most insults based on sex, gender, race, sexuality etc. are unnecessary, yes.
    That's what pretty much all insults are about. Apart from that, people only insult intelligence or looks or social background. What makes some insults okay and others not okay?
    February 20th, 2011 at 11:15am
  • folie a dru.

    folie a dru. (1270)

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    veronika:
    I think you misunderstood me. 'Faggot' is a word that directed at one main group of people, gay people. 'Slut' is a word directed at one main group of people, women. It's a primarily female insult, like 'faggot' is a primarily gay insult.

    I feel that calling a man a slut is different, because it holds different weight. Because 'slut' is an inherently female insult directed towards women, when you call a man a slut it's... different. Almost as if it's a jokey, ironic kind of thing.

    I just don't understand why sex based insults and derogatory slurs (against both sexes) are so accepted and - consequently - defended, whereas if you were to mutter an insult directed at another group of people - like a race based insult - everyone would be up in arms.
    I don't believe that the insult of 'slut' is equivalent to that of 'cunt', for example. Because 'slut' is not a term aimed at women for being women, at least not when used "correctly". It's a term aimed a certain group of women. So it's not the same as faggot. Because faggot is aimed at all gay people, regardless of sexual proclivities.
    Quote
    I think most insults based on sex, gender, race, sexuality etc. are unnecessary, yes.
    All insults are unnecessary, but that doesn't mean they don't exist.
    February 20th, 2011 at 05:01pm
  • kafka.

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    veronika:
    Because 'female' has very different connotations. If I call a woman a 'female', the intent is not to hurt, or to offend - 'slut' is a word that has almost always a negative intent behind it (I realise some people use it as a joking friendly way in friend circles, hence the 'almost always').

    I don't think it's absurd at all. There are so many women of all walks of life who get called sluts for so many things: their sexual behaviour, their sex lives, how many men they've had sex with, their attitude, for the way they dress, for not putting out (yes, even for NOT having sex some women called sluts), for their hairstyle, for how much makeup they may wear, for fake tanning, for not being monogamous, for being pregnant, for being a pregnant teenager, for losing your virginity at an 'unacceptable' age, for being raped, for drinking too much, for having a lot of male friends.... the list goes on and on.

    No one would call a man a slut for being raped or for fake tanning or for not being monogamous. That is what I mean when I say it's harmful as a sex based derogatory insult. It carries much more weight for women. When you actually look at who is called a slut in the greater societies and who is doing the insulting, then what I'm saying is not really that absurd in the bigger picture.
    So if I were to call a man a slut that wouldn't be an unnecessary, hurtful insult, but social justice?
    February 20th, 2011 at 06:36pm
  • pierrot the clown.

    pierrot the clown. (100)

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    sunflowers.:
    That's what pretty much all insults are about. Apart from that, people only insult intelligence or looks or social background. What makes some insults okay and others not okay?
    It's not about them being "okay" or not, it's about them oppressing groups of people or not. That said, insults that attack a person's intelligence are ableist, and some of the insults that attack a person's social background are clasist or racist.

    I'm all for people reclaiming slurs that are primarly used against them. I'm all for those same people giving their explicit, enthusiastic consent to others to call them those same slurs. It's not using certain words that is problematic, it's using them with the intention of them being insulting that's problematic.

    It's obviously not the easiest thing in the world to stop using certain words, but it's not impossible. There are plenty of words out there that can replace the ones that enable oppression.
    Mr W. H.:
    So if I were to call a man a slut that wouldn't be an unnecessary, hurtful insult, but social justice?
    When was that even implied? It wouldn't be "social justice," it just wouldn't be sexist.
    March 2nd, 2011 at 02:20am