Woman Allows 16 Year Old Daughter to Marry 51 Year Old Man

I wouldn't let my sixteen year old marry a 51 year old. If they are truly in love and committed to spending the rest of their lives together they can wait till the 16-year old is at least 18.

Well if they love each other....good for them. I dont have much to say on the topic.. I just find it rather out of the ordinary.

acorna's not there:

To use your example and carry on her point about different interests- how many 51 year olds do you think are interested in getting into a good school? Or starting a family in a few years? Or going out partying? Or going places in groups with her friends?

Would a 16 year old be interested in 30 year high school reunions? Retirement?

Sometimes stereotypes are true- and even when they're not, people are going to question on what grounds a person so young and a person so much older can stand evenly.

Shopping and watching Glee isn't a negative stereotype, though. I'm not sure where you got that idea, considering you claim to like it, unless you're assuming that I don't like either and think them to be a negative stereotype. I like shopping and wearing dresses, so I don't consider that negative. I don't like Glee, but it's because I am out of high school, I'm not nostalgic about high school because it sucked, and that type of music doesn't appeal to me. Also, when it is on, chances are I'm at ballet rehearsals. While I don't like this show in particular, I don't consider it a "negative stereotype". But, it is very popular amongst teenagers these days, as is shopping, so I used that as an example. And not many people in their 40-50's that I know are in-to "Glee". And well. . .shopping. . .most guys complain about that.

Arcana Hereticae:

Shopping and watching Glee isn't a negative stereotype, though. I'm not sure where you got that idea, considering you claim to like it, unless you're assuming that I don't like either and think them to be a negative stereotype. I like shopping and wearing dresses, so I don't consider that negative. I don't like Glee, but it's because I am out of high school, I'm not nostalgic about high school because it sucked, and that type of music doesn't appeal to me. Also, when it is on, chances are I'm at ballet rehearsals. While I don't like this show in particular, I don't consider it a "negative stereotype". But, it is very popular amongst teenagers these days, as is shopping, so I used that as an example. And not many people in their 40-50's that I know are in-to "Glee". And well. . .shopping. . .most guys complain about that.

My Comp Lit tutor who is in his 40s can quote Glee. and The OC. and Gilmore Girls. and keeps up to date with celebrity news. His in-depth knowledge of all things girly really embarrasses me because I know very little about them. Anyway, I think the negative stereotype is the idea that what a 16 year old girl is most interested in are very superficial topics such as Glee and shopping - if Glee and shopping are only marginal interests, the fact that they're not shared should not be a problem. We can't really know for certain what the couple's interests are because we don't know them personally so I think it's a bit pointless to talk about what most people their age are interested in.

Mr W. H.:

My Comp Lit tutor who is in his 40s can quote Glee. and The OC. and Gilmore Girls. and keeps up to date with celebrity news. His in-depth knowledge of all things girly really embarrasses me because I know very little about them. Anyway, I think the negative stereotype is the idea that what a 16 year old girl is most interested in are very superficial topics such as Glee and shopping - if Glee and shopping are only marginal interests, the fact that they're not shared should not be a problem. We can't really know for certain what the couple's interests are because we don't know them personally so I think it's a bit pointless to talk about what most people their age are interesting in.

Agreed. Justifying whether two people could possibly have things in common based on gross stereotypes is not a decent idea.

Personally, I know I am old for my age because I've already reached that stage in which the charts and all that mean nothing to me and all new music sounds the gosh darn same. I'd say that most of my friends I have made outside of a school environment (and here) have been fifteen years my senior or more.

If they get on well and whatever and the parents have consented then good luck to them. I wish them well. There is too much misery in the world and if they genuinely love each other then...let them be. It's not the biggest age gap I've ever heard of and as far as I'm concerned (speaking about Scottish Law, being the weirdo of the laws) she is an adult and entitled to her own decisions. If people bully her for that decision then they are not good people.

river song.:

Agreed. Justifying whether two people could possibly have things in common based on gross stereotypes is not a decent idea.

Personally, I know I am old for my age because I've already reached that stage in which the charts and all that mean nothing to me and all new music sounds the gosh darn same. I'd say that most of my friends I have made outside of a school environment (and here) have been fifteen years my senior or more.

If they get on well and whatever and the parents have consented then good luck to them. I wish them well. There is too much misery in the world and if they genuinely love each other then...let them be. It's not the biggest age gap I've ever heard of and as far as I'm concerned (speaking about Scottish Law, being the weirdo of the laws) she is an adult and entitled to her own decisions. If people bully her for that decision then they are not good people.

But, I'm not saying that Glee and shopping are superficial interests. You did. I'm just bringing up the point that they would have considerably different interests.

Arcana Hereticae:

But, I'm not saying that Glee and shopping are superficial interests. You did. I'm just bringing up the point that they would have considerably different interests.

They are somewhat superficial interests though. Does someone's favorite TV show really have an effect on the type of person they are, how they can handle themselves in a relationship, if a marriage will work, if they'll be a good parent? Highly unlikely.

Who would expect a couple to have all the same interests, like all the same things, only be interested in the same things, have all the same opinions? Boring.

Arcana Hereticae:

But, I'm not saying that Glee and shopping are superficial interests. You did. I'm just bringing up the point that they would have considerably different interests.

You mean more likely to have. You cannot, unless you know the two people personally, have any true idea of what their interests are.

I'm saying that it is feasible that two people from two different age groups could have similar interests. It's not impossible and - even so - means nothing. Whilst people usually go for people that have similar interests, there are couples out there who have different interests, ideals, beliefs and such and these do not detract from the validity of their relationship.

dru will save you.:

They are somewhat superficial interests though. Does someone's favorite TV show really have an effect on the type of person they are, how they can handle themselves in a relationship, if a marriage will work, if they'll be a good parent? Highly unlikely.

Who would expect a couple to have all the same interests, like all the same things, only be interested in the same things, have all the same opinions? Boring.

Not necessarily, but I am just going by the demographics of Glee, and what age group the writers of said show are keeping in mind when they write.

And again, you're taking what I said to the extreme. I am not suggesting that couples should have the exact same interests in the least bit. I am merely saying that 16-year-old girls usually have completely opposite interests of 51-year-old men.

Arcana Hereticae:

I am merely saying that 16-year-old girls usually have completely opposite interests of 51-year-old men.

So they're not interested in being happy or finding love or trying to lead a good life? It's impossible for them to both experience those interests?

Arcana Hereticae:

Not necessarily, but I am just going by the demographics of Glee, and what age group the writers of said show are keeping in mind when they write.

And again, you're taking what I said to the extreme. I am not suggesting that couples should have the exact same interests in the least bit. I am merely saying that 16-year-old girls usually have completely opposite interests of 51-year-old men.

Basing judgements on archetypes means very little.

dru will save you.:

So they're not interested in being happy or finding love or trying to lead a good life? It's impossible for them to both experience those interests?

That is completely irrelevant though, as everyone would like to be happy and would like to lead a "good" life, and most people would like to find love. And I think you need a lot more going on in a relationship other than two people who want to be happy and lead a good life and be loved for it to work.

river song.:

Basing judgements on archetypes means very little.

I'm not basing my judgments on "archetypes". I'm basing it on the two years I majored in psychology and all that I've learned about human personality development from that. I'm also basing it on maturity vs. immaturity.

Arcana Hereticae:

That is completely irrelevant though, as everyone would like to be happy and would like to lead a "good" life, and most people would like to find love. And I think you need a lot more going on in a relationship other than two people who want to be happy and lead a good life and be loved for it to work.

But what's your point? Okay, 16 year olds may have different interests to a 51 year old - what's the big deal. My boyfriend and I have loads of differences. They say opposites attract anyway. And the important things (e.g. religion, morals, goals, lifestyle choice) may be something they agree on. And even then, if they don't why is that a problem? People with different religions and lifestyle choices marry all the time.

^^^It's not really a problem, and I didn't mean it as something bad, but my words were somewhat distorted and blown out of proportion by people who just want to argue. I just mean that, how long can a relationship last when two people are constantly disagreeing with each other because one wants to do this and the other doesn't?

As far as my last post goes, I mean that there's usually something that those two people share, and more than just what Dru mentioned, which makes them "click" as a couple. What Dru listed is just a foundation for people who are seeking relationships, and not necessarily something that would make a lasting or even just a relationship.

Arcana Hereticae:

I'm not basing my judgments on "archetypes". I'm basing it on the two years I majored in psychology and all that I've learned about human personality development from that. I'm also basing it on maturity vs. immaturity.

I am saying that making assumptions on individual differences is not the best way to go about things. Personality traits do slightly alter over time but as a Psychology student, you ought to know that for the most part, these remain at a fair constancy i.e. a grumpy young git will blossom into a grumpy old git. That is the basis of trait psychology and yes, it can change over time but rather marginally.

As for the M/I Theory, Argyris himself claims that very few people reach maturity. And I can believe him knowing my stepfather who seems to have the maturity of a thirteen year old boy.

Emotional development does change drastically during puberty and adolescence, yes. But the PFC is not fully formed until mid-twenties. Could it be said then that attachment and attraction and that crazy little thing called love is therefore invalidated due to this?

There will always be cases of individuals who do not quite fit the mould. There still is the wondrous invention of divorce if it all goes pear-shaped.

But again though, I am referring to couples with a very significant difference in age, such as a 16-year-old (who is technically still in grade school, and cannot lawfully consent to sex, so anything they do within marriage despite the parent approval is unlawful) and someone in their 50's. Whether the man in question has reached complete maturity, he still has had a lot more life experiences than she has. He has had more experiences with love, sex, and relationships, than she has had. It is possible that she is not emotionally mature enough to understand what marriage is.

And I question whether some of you who are vehemently pro teens marrying actually understand what is involved in marriage, other than love and sex, and why people get married in the first place.

And before I got sidetracked over something which was irrelevant to my main point in the first place, I was actually expressing that I think this marriage is more of a publicity stunt, considering 'Green Mile' came out 12 or 13 years ago, and this actor hasn't done much lately, and the girl in question is an aspiring singer, meaning she aspires to fame, to be known.

Well it would be great if they somehow do work out. I admit that I doubt they will do, as I fear they may be doing this for the wrong reasons, like Arcana said above.

Besides, I'm sure there's a crapton of people who would be all over them with "omgf pedophilzor wants to sex you!!", and those who would bring them down just because they disagree with it. Will they survive against the odds and other people? Dunno.

Also, it is legal to have sex with 16 year olds in some states (if I understood the overly complicated, inconsistent, unnecessarily divided and contradictory American law).

Arcana Hereticae:

But again though, I am referring to couples with a very significant difference in age, such as a 16-year-old (who is technically still in grade school, and cannot lawfully consent to sex, so anything they do within marriage despite the parent approval is unlawful) and someone in their 50's. Whether the man in question has reached complete maturity, he still has had a lot more life experiences than she has. He has had more experiences with love, sex, and relationships, than she has had. It is possible that she is not emotionally mature enough to understand what marriage is.

Ah, there we reach a sticky wicket. Laws such as that is not universally accepted. Indeed, the marriage laws in the States are...well, patchy. There are states in which fourteen year olds can marry. But in reference to my country's laws, sixteen is one of the big years and I had my own dwelling place outside the family home at this time. Whilst you state that they would not be allowed to have sex within the marital home, I have two points here.

Firstly, sex isn't always a big factor in relationships. It can happen but as a rule of thumb, occurs less and less as the relationship gets older. Similar theories retain with the aging process (particularly for males). Being affectionate and intimate doesn't always include sexual activities.

Secondly, American ages of consent vary quite a lot from state to state. It drops to fourteen in some states and with certain citizens it can be as low as twelve. Therefore, there are a deal of holes in which that legally, it is acceptable.

As for marriage, it depends what you make of it. From what I see, it is where two people decide to bond legally in order for the union to be state recognised, in order to gain certain benefits, to be able to go halfies on everything bought and to save money on heating when it's cold outside. Oh and something about love and commitment but then again, I'm a cynic. There are a billion reasons for getting married and of course it isn't going to be all sunshine and daisies and all the cliché rom-com toss-pottery that is spewed out by media. It can go well or it can all go to shit and that's what divorce is for.

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And before I got sidetracked over something which was irrelevant to my main point in the first place, I was actually expressing that I think this marriage is more of a publicity stunt, considering 'Green Mile' came out 12 or 13 years ago, and this actor hasn't done much lately, and the girl in question is an aspiring singer, meaning she aspires to fame, to be known.

It is possible but not proven as yet.

I did look at the article and what struck me was she doesn't look sixteen. She looks older than me and I'm twenty-one. The only way that she could look sixteen was as if she was cast in some rubbish horror film set in a high school where it is always so obvious that they look about thirty.

I'm more offended that they said he was the star of Lost when he was like in five episodes over a span of like 3 seasons. No one really remembers Horrace Goodspeed.

But in regards to the actual topic, I personally think this is a publicly stunt. I'm not saying people can experience love that is outside the norm. Love is just a feeling. It is subjective. This concept didn't even really exist until like 300 years ago. Way back when, people only mated to spawn children, there were arrange marriages. Love isn't even easily defined, so I guess we can't say who can and can't love. This feeling of Love can be different from person to person. Some people do love stupidly, and foolishly, and quickly, but some don't.

I can't say for a fact that this couple isn't in love, but I personally think it was to help both their careers. I mean, has anyone mentioned either of these people before this marriage? No.